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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be more than irritated when people say 'I'm lucky enough not to have to work' or even worse, 'my wife is lucky enough not to have to work'

148 replies

Furminator · 17/11/2011 10:31

Someone at work said it to me this morning. I always feel like saying 'I am lucky enough to enjoy work and be good at it AND have a job - WHO'S LUCKY NOW' but I don't, obvs.

OP posts:
Piffle · 17/11/2011 12:22

I am fortunate to not have to work, I have a DD with frequent absences, I am therefore lucky as is she, that I do not have to work.
I do feel lucky to have the choice as I have HAD to work before when I would rather not have so appreciate greatly the choice...

neolara · 17/11/2011 12:24

Er, as a SAHM, I feel lucky that I have the choice about whether to go out of the house to work or not.

HecateGoddessOfTheNight · 17/11/2011 12:31

This is true, shag.

But you are still lucky if you don't have to work.

Wanting to is a different thing altogether.

Having the choice is the luckiest thing of all.

What choice you make, if you have one, is down to the individual and based on what makes them happy.

But if you have enough money that you don't need to work - you are lucky. Fortunate. You have the money to enable you to choose what you want. What makes you happy. Work or not.

You just don't get more fortunate than that.

Ephiny · 17/11/2011 12:38

Yes it's definitely lucky not to have to work. Of course some people would still choose to do their jobs regardless of the money, but it's definitely a luxury to have the choice.

A bit rude to gloat about it though!

featherbag · 17/11/2011 12:41

The other day my DH said he wished he earned enough so that I didn't have to work - I pointed out that I love my job and while I'm happy to have ML for time with ds, I also look forward to getting back to work!

Proudnscary · 17/11/2011 12:43

Oh gawd, talk about going round in circles.

The point is it's irritating because it sounds like you are saying women only work for money and can't afford to stay at home. So it's misinformed and smug.

We can afford for me to stay at home, I choose not to. I am equally lucky to have the choice to work!

tilder · 17/11/2011 12:44

trills if I gave the impression that I think that there is no luck involved, that wasn't intended (if the arrogant/deluded bit was aimed at me). I guess it just really irritates me when it is assumed that it is all down to luck when its not, its a combination.

I have been on the receiving end, like a lot of people I expect, of comments aimed at deriding our decisions as a family as regards me working or not and yes am a bit sensitive about it Blush.

Trills · 17/11/2011 12:45

It wasn't aimed at anyone tilder, it was aimed at a strawman/pretend person who held the most extreme possible view.

Pagwatch · 17/11/2011 12:47

Those straw men are always shit stirring.

tilder · 17/11/2011 12:50

Have never heard th term strawman before - have just found it very easy on MN to sometimes write something that sounds OK from a quick read but when it appears in a thread I think 'God what a tit' and then realise said tit is me. Arse.

Trills · 17/11/2011 13:19

They are bastards aren't they Pag? I never understood why Dorothy wanted to be friends with that scarecrow :o

NoSeriously · 17/11/2011 15:05

Who is stopping you from saying it? Maybe they do feel lucky to not have to work why do you care?

minipie · 17/11/2011 15:16

What Hecate said.

I'm lucky enough not to have to work (outside the home). But I do work anyway.

Perhaps I'm doubly lucky - I don't have to work, but I enjoy work enough/am well paid enough that I choose to do it.

HarryHillatemygoldfish · 17/11/2011 15:29

If you are able to choose to work or not then you are fortunate. No discussion, no argument.

If you have no choice but to work, you are less fortunate even if you love your job/would go doolally loopy at home/would hate to be dependent on a man.

If you have to work to eat, you are less fortunate than someone who doesn't, regardless of desire.

See, simples!

HipHopOpotomus · 17/11/2011 15:34

well I'm lucky enough to have a job I love, but I'd love to be RICH enough not to HAVE to work.

Then again if that meant never seeing DP as he was working all the hours in the week to keep us RICH enough for me not to work, then maybe I'd wish to be lucky enough to have work I loved.

The grass in that there paddock is looking very green methinks!

wordfactory · 17/11/2011 17:39

Well it is of course very lucky to not have to work.
Those of us that don't have to do so should thank the money Gods each and every morning.

But that's not to say we don't choose to work.

I always find it very odd that people assume one only works because one has to.

LeQueen · 17/11/2011 17:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

desertgirl · 17/11/2011 18:05

Hmm, I do like it when people appreciate that they are lucky, in general (and re not having to work in particular, tbh; yes I know it isn't just luck).

But I impressed myself this afternoon by not reacting to a charming colleague explaining to me how advanced his daughter is in reading (11 with a reading age of 15; is that really that great? had assumed that the steps between years get smaller as they get older) and that this is because his wife is at home and is able to really support the daughter with regard to her education...

he knows perfectly well I'm a single parent and work full time. And even if he forgot the single parent bit, we were at work, he could hardly have forgotten that part.

TestAnswers · 17/11/2011 18:12

I can understand why it irritates you as I have experienced it myself.

I think it is because it feels like a judgement. It was said to me in a 'poor you' kind of way when I shared I had a part-time job at a mother and toddler group. The woman in question then went on to say that he husband had a good job so she didn't have to work. In turned out that this woman's child was in daycare longer than mine over the next few years and when I asked her what her husband did it was immediately obvious to me that my husband did in fact have a significantly 'better' job in terms of earnings (didn't mention that though). I just put it down as her being a bit thick so I'm glad I didn't rise to it.

Anyway, I definitely feel like the lucky one now that the DC are at school and I can work the whole time they are there, in a job I love, but not that much more (part-time teacher) and earn a reasonable amount doing so.

Yes, it is lucky not to have to work. I don't have to work (assuming that DH would carry on working - we would be a bit stuck it we both gave up!) but I choose to and I feel proud of the job I do and the money I earn (which I hope will help to allow the DC to start adult life debt-free). I think the irritation arises when it is used in a 'I am better/richer than you because I don't have to work' statement.

cwtch4967 · 17/11/2011 18:18

I'm a SAHM, I want to be a SAHM, I don't want to work, I did for 20 years.
I do feel lucky because I get to do what I want.

callmemrs · 17/11/2011 18:21

I guess its 'lucky' to have a choice about it.

However, I would qualify that by saying that given that virtually all people will have to work for most of their adult life in order to have the lifestyle they want and also to achieve certain personal goals, I think the important thing is getting yourself into a position, through education and training, to secure the most fulfilling and interesting work possible for yourself. Sometimes it turns out that these people who say how 'lucky' they are to not have to work, actually had jobs which they were bored in', or unsuccessful at. Nothing lucky about that.

grumplestilskin · 17/11/2011 18:24

I was UN-lucky enough to be a SAHM for a while, I hated it! am now lucky enough to have a job that leaves something over after childcare

its lucky to have a set up you are happy with!

twinklytroll · 17/11/2011 18:26

I consider myself lucky that I have a job that I love.

However I would consider myself lucky beyond belief if I did not have to work. I love my job but I love my daughter more and know that my job means that I am best often a satisfactory parent.

HarryHillatemygoldfish · 17/11/2011 18:28

grumpelstiltskin it sounds as if you didn't have choice. And it's been said over again that having the choice is what makes one fortunate.

HalfTermHero · 17/11/2011 18:57

Someone once said this to me (when I returned to work after my first) and I replied with 'well, I'm lucky enough to have a career not a job'. Very rude of me but it shut her the fuck up Grin

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