...for wetting his pants?
It's the whole way it's been done. We had no warning that he was going to be excluded and suddenly out of the blue, a phone call came one evening just after half term stating that he's had a few accidents that week and therefore he will not be allowed in the next day. No procedures followed. I was suddenly out of childcare and had to take emergency time off work.
I know the school policy states that he cannot be in nappies, but he isn't in nappies. DS1 has been potty training since 19 months and went through terrible regression after the birth of DS2 9 months ago, who had very bad feeding problems till he was nearly 6 months so we weren't able to give DS1 all the attention that a toddler craved. We TOLD the school about his regresion (in 3 separate documents and discussions), but as DS1 was starting to do so well and was dry with us all the time, and not doing badly at nursery, we did not even worry about this issue. Unfortunately, DS1 had a very bad start upon starting pre-reception in Sept, and was immediately stigmatised as the one with potty training problem. This didn't help as the negative attention given to him just flared the problem. The school did not do anything positive to help, apart from the token gestures and pretense in trying to get DS1 to not have accidents (mostly involving pressure against us as parents and making us pass the pressure to DS1). What makes me even more livid is the fact that before the 2 week half term we have just had, DS1 was actually doing very well and only had couple of wet accidents per week. He hardly ever has accidents with us (apart from tiny patches) because we never ever pressure him or remind him to go to the toilet when with us. DS1 normally marches himself into the toilet at home and does it all himself.
We have been very forceful in writing letter, getting policy documents, meeting up (all of which WE had to take initiative, not the school), and finally got DS1 back into school today with the condition that he would need to be withdrawn by next Wednesday if he had more than 1 accident in a week. I was allowed to come in for a couple of hours towards the end of the day(though the manager had thoroughly fought against that) to observe why DS1 keeps wetting his pants in school. I spoke to the manager and deputy manager, asking how they do certain things and why, and giving feedback on what I thought they did that wasn't working. I smiled and made light hearted comments, staying professional all throughout. When I got home, I was shocked to hear a voice message left on our phone from the headteacher stating that I was rude to the manager and deputy manager, including criticising them and resulted in one being in tears (WTF?!). I do not have a clue what they are talking about, apart from the fact that it's probably a means for them to say that I can no longer go in to observe my DS1. They once again said that it's best if DS1 was withdrawn from school. Hope it's not cynical of me to feel the only crime we have actually committed against the school is not being the rich parent that they want us to be. But why admit us in the first place?!
I have called OFSTED, ISI, LEA. They have all said that the school can do whatever they like as they do not report to any of them. I have gone through in detail with each of them, challenging DDA law and framework but apparently they are not breaking any rules. Also, they can choose to follow EYFS but they don't have to because it is a private school and toileting is a very wishy washy area. Department of Education has agreed to look at my letter if I complain to them, but why do I have this sinking feeling that nothing will come of it?
Our poor DS1 has been traumatised since the phone conversation, which came during the DC's dinner time. It seems like they are making it a habit to call us during the DC's dinner time, completely disrupting our lives.
Regretting choosing a private pre-prep to begin with, one that claimed to be inclusive. We thought it was going to save us a little money compared to nursery but oh boy, now it's costing us thousands more. Just an indication of how much we've lost, the smalles cost we will be losing is in the uniform that we've spent over £400 and he has only been wearing them for 7 weeks!!
Am I allowed to name the school in this thread? Am I even posting in the right section? Please let me know if I'm not.