I know I am but help me change! Jealousy issue

[chewbaccy]

I have namechanged as embarrassed by my attitude! My much younger sis is a massive flirt, she is also stunning & by her own admission loves attention from men & says that she gets on better with men than with women. She has a habit of pointing out my faults, weight issues, grey hair etc & generaly stamping over my confidence. she gets on famously with my dh, he loves her company, finds her easy to talk to & she is always flattering him, telling him how good he looks, taking time to listen to him & monopolizing him at family events to look at his watch, learn ALL about his phone etc.
when he's not around she's her usual grumpy self but lights up when he walks into a room. She will criticize my musical tastes but when dh plays the same band/genre etc she says she loves it!! When I challenge her on this she denies she ever hated it!!
She shows little or no interest in our dcs but when dh is holding them she suddenly has a renewed interest and bends over to play with them and pretty much shows all of her ample boobs!
I know it sounds petty but we hosted a party where she she danced closely up to dh shaking her boobs in his face and not breaking eye contact. I was 8 months pregnant at the time and felt really weird about it..... Later that week she criticised somebody else for dancing in exactly the same way all over another man. I nearly reminded her that's how she danced to dh but I didn't want to make a scene as I know she'd downplay it and I also feel that she'd like a reaction from me.
Its getting to the point where I'm starting to dread any family get together as I don't know how to handle it..... Dh can't see a problem & I'm pretty sure he's flattered by the attention of a sexy young woman. we all do family things like swimming with all the kids, beach etc but I don't like going anymore because I can't relax because she always wears as little as possible! Honestly wherever we go she has every single man in the venue looking at her & cultivating!

I also think she knows what she's doing as she's very jealous in relationships which is why she prefers to stay single!

I agree it is key to somehow make sure your husband doesn't respond to it.

I really hate middle aged men who are so flattered by the attention of a sexy 20 something, that they become a bit foolish.

My H had a similar situation with a colleague of his. She would call him for advice and help, tell him everyone else in the office was treating her badly and he was the only decent man around. He was quite flattered and when she got into trouble with her boss, he ran after her when she ran away crying and then tackled the boss. Then they went to the pub together before he came home.

We had words about that, but I stayed very calm and said I though it was GREAT he was standing up for a colleague, and that she seemed a really nice girl, but that I hoped his behaviour would not be considered inappropriate by his colleagues, and that she might be better off finding friends her own age. And single. The word "inappropriate" kind of hit home. I said I KNOW it was innocent, obviously, but that might not be what it looks like to others.

Men can be fools when a young girl comes along to flatter their ego, tell your DH you hate seeing him being made a FOOL of by your sis.

If you decide not to go to the local event today, make very sure that your husband knows why you have made that decision. Tell him it is because of your sister's spiteful and embarassing behaviour, and that you can't stand to feel so hurt again at his foolish and thoughtless response to it.

thanks chandon good response of yours, very mature & measured, does he still work with her? & if so has much changed since your chat?

Agathacrusty: I've just had confirmation that she will be attending. We are going as pretty much everyone we know is going & I don't want to 'deprive' the kids (as if they'd know any different but I am one of those guilt ridden Mums on top of everything else!) We are going at slightly different times tho & different parts of the event there is so much going on with so many people hopefuly we will barely see her.
If we do I can quietly assess things armed with everybody's support from MN.

If it does happen - can you manage a snigger? Look off diagonally, sort of half to the left/right and half to the ground, and badly hide a snigger. Then look at her and smirk. If she asks what you're laughing at, say nothing but keep smiling and see if you're able to catch your DH's eye.

Haha robot is that one of your tried & tested looks? Love it i'll give it a go. We're off now... Xxx

Works every time. Good luck

he does still work with her, but doesn't seem to get involved in her dramatic life any more. He doesn't seem to go out for drinks or lunch with her either. he still mentions her when he talks about work, but that's normal (would be more worried if he never mentioned her again, if that makes sense)

My DH is quite good at taking a point, and think about it, if it's brought in a reasonable manner...(this is 20 yrs of experience talking )

If I would have been upset or overreacting he might have just shrugged and said I was being hysterical.

Inside I was feeling quite enraged about this other female taking a shine to my H, if I am honest. But I am also very proud and hate being undignified.

You know how to make your point, don't you? Pick a good time (when is listening and not busy with something else) and keep cool and to the point.

well we met briefly at the event. Barely spoke as so much was going on & chatting to lots of people simultaneously. She was uncharacteristically quiet although I saw her looking @ dh a couple of times. She asked our plans for the weekend & dh replied happily that he & I are going out for a rare night out just the 2 of us. She also commented that i've lost a lot of weight (which I have)) & instigated a hi-five which I didn't realise she was doing straightaway & that was pretty much it.

Enjoy your night out.
Then show your dh this thread or discuss it properly with him so he can validate your feelings and not laugh them off.

In future he is the one who needs to say "Enough" when her flirting gets outrageous and move away to stand by your side. And he needs to do it seriously, not in a joky "She's being a spoilsport/ hormonal, you'd better stop" way. He needs to think how he would feel if one of his siblings constantly flirted with his wife and excluded him.

She is playing games and i actually think she is jealous of you. You are happily married with small children and she has 'fuck buddies' and is desperate to show everyone what a wonderful life she is having. She is probably at that stage in her life when she actually feels quite lonely and worried about the future, although she'd never admit it.

The next time she says something insulting or inappropriate about you or your dh address it straight away with "You know x, that is really inappropriate/insensitive. I don't like it. Please stop." Be assertive.
I hope you can keep some sort of relationship going with her but tbh i wouldn't want to meet up with her too often either!

Hi OP! Did you talk to your DH? You still need to do that. Glad you feel better today x

haven't read whole thread and previous posters are right-your sister is really mean and also jealous of you? She wants what you have or doesn't want you to have what she 'can't' have?

Just wondering if your DH actually feels you do not care about her flirting with him and it actually makes him feel you do not really care about him and it hurts that you are not trying to protect your territory?

Just a thought...

P.S. YANBU at all!

Sammiez: that's an interesting concept no idea! if I assert myself the next time she dangles her baps in his face then i'll find out if he wants my support or is just enjoying the show!

Runningwilde: no I haven't discussed it yet, its hard to find the right moment. We had fun last night & today tired & busy with dcs & chores he's now asleep.

Bringbacksideburns: we were never particularly close due to the large age gap although she often came to me for advice. I think at times I have been too firm/bossy/judgemental & this is partly a backlash & showing me who's boss if that makes sense? I do believe she is lonely & aimless at the mo and i've been avoiding her due to all of this so she probably feels very excluded as well.