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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be really annoyed and want to evict my DS1H

103 replies

CreamolaFoamless · 16/11/2011 08:40

he is ment to be at college .

but has decided he has cold and isn't going in.

This will be the third day in 3 weeks he hasnt gone to college

I can see him losing his place and I worry about that .

I've just spoken to his dad (my ex husband) and his atttitude is let him do what he wants if he fs it up he f*s it up

But if he fuc**s it up he will still be under my roof and I don't want I son who drops out of college and doesnt work expecting me to pay for me .

would it be unreasonable to tell him to leave

OP posts:
Original poster
CreamolaFoamless · 16/11/2011 08:42

sorry for the typo's I'm half way between angry and upset

OP posts:
SocialButterfly · 16/11/2011 08:44

Sounds like a bit of an over reaction to me, is there more to it than just this? I think you should have a talk with him when you are not so angry and tell him if he leaves/ gets thrown out of college he will have to get a job end of. Is there a reason he doesn't Wang to go to college?

Original poster
CreamolaFoamless · 16/11/2011 08:48

possibly .......his I've let his girlfriend move in to our house

OP posts:
Original poster
CreamolaFoamless · 16/11/2011 08:49

he can't just lie about in bed all day though surely

OP posts:
gordyslovesheep · 16/11/2011 08:56

well no he can't - get him up - get him to college - if he gets kicked out the knock on effect will include no CB or CTC - thus a massive drop in income for the family and also youth unemployment about to hit 1 million

his GF can go home - he goes to college or deals with the problems that are stopping him going to college

stop pandering

eaglewings · 16/11/2011 08:56

Let him know that if he is not in college then he starts to pay rent

Perhaps he has underlying issues about the course he has chosen, or he does have a cold?

mummytime · 16/11/2011 08:56

I would give him a bill for him and his gfs keep. Tell him he can earn a percentage of it by going to college, or being ill enough that he has to see a doctor. Otherwise he has to find a way to pay it. I would also definitely want money for the keep of his gf (actually I can't see I'd have ever let her move in).

eminencegrise · 16/11/2011 08:59

I could not afford to keep an adult child without either rent or CB, CTC. We'll have to downsize to a smaller flat. Mine already know this. YANBU. I'd tell him point blank, you lose your place, I'm giving notice and/or swapping for a one-bed flat.

SardineQueen · 16/11/2011 09:16

Why did you let his girlfriend move in?

And now you are surprised they are spending all day in bed?!!!

TroublesomeEx · 16/11/2011 09:40

Ultimatum - you go to college or your GF moves out.

Simple as that. You're not a hostel!

TroublesomeEx · 16/11/2011 09:41

And whatever the reason for her having moved in - it's not you're problem and they're both taking the piss and not treating you any respect.

Even if I had been so inclined, I would never have tried this on with my mum. She just wouldn't have stood for it. As simple as that.

TroublesomeEx · 16/11/2011 09:42

with any respect. See I'm angry on your behalf!!

squeakytoy · 16/11/2011 09:45

Why not suggest to him that if he finds a job, he can leave college.

Not all kids are cut out for college and would do better on an apprenticeship or doing a job that they enjoy.

As for letting his girlfriend move in, well, thats just daft. Tell her she has to go.

woollyideas · 16/11/2011 09:46

Doesn't the GF have any place she needs to be? College? Work? I agree with other posters. He has to go to college or the GF moves out!

slartybartfast · 16/11/2011 09:48

is it the third day in a row or is it the same day every week.

can you talk to him about college?
find out whats troubling him?

Original poster
CreamolaFoamless · 16/11/2011 10:05

the girlfriend sort of arrived ...she'd fallen out with her mum and son asked is it okay if she stays her and i said yes of course.

I didnt think it was permenment

@slartybarfest no it was a monday then a friday now a wednesday ......I'm thinking he's being clever and spreading out his 'absences' which in one sense makes me want to congratulate him and on the other tell him to stop skivving !

He has a golden oppurtunity his course is paid for and he gets £242 a month for going to college.

But he has to go to college to get that

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slartybartfast · 16/11/2011 10:07

you need to talk to him.
he will lose out if he doesnt go - he will be chucked off the course if he keeps this up.
you will lose out if he doesnt go - financially
and the girlfriend is not helping. she must go back home.
what does he want to do with his life.
?

Original poster
CreamolaFoamless · 16/11/2011 10:12

he wants to be a history teacher or a chef

the girlfriend is a nice girl but she's not working ....signs on , she wants to be a cleaner ? Nothing againest cleaners but if your 18 and that's dream job and your unemployed something aint right

I must sound like the mum from hell now lol

OP posts:
Original poster
CreamolaFoamless · 16/11/2011 10:17

I resorted to phoning his dad this morning ,and his attitude was f*k it , if he fcks up he f*ks up. I can't tell him to get out of bed and go to college he is 18 .

Yes you f**cking well could mr dad....shout at him ..let him now it's not acceptable

OP posts:
Original poster
CreamolaFoamless · 16/11/2011 10:17

*know not now doh

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redlac · 16/11/2011 10:18

no ultimatum - just get the gf to leave immediately, they are massively taking the piss. As for him not going to college, stop doing any washing, ironing, cooking, food buying for him - he'll soon get his arse out of bed

redlac · 16/11/2011 10:19

oh and turn the heating off, remove internet connection, turn of electricity - he'll soon get bored (well as long as the gf isn't in bed with him!)

LydiaWickham · 16/11/2011 10:20

nope - sit them both down -a) the GF was only ever a temp stay, she has to be out before Christmas/New Year (you can decide your level of kindness). In the meantime, if she's not working and not paying rent, she can 'earn' her keep by cleaning your house. If she doesn't like this, she can leave at any time.

b) you are not going to nag him to go to college, but if he gets thrown off the course, he will have 1 calander month to find a job and start paying rent, or he has to leave (I'm sure his dad would be more than happy to keep him). You want him up dressed out of bed by 8:30am every week day, regardless of him going to college or not, if he doesn't want to live like this, he's welcome to leave, he's old enough to do so.

Stop letting them dictate the terms of your generosity.

lelainapierce · 16/11/2011 10:21

How old is he?
Does h3 pay you rent?
Are you doing his laundry etc?

LydiaWickham · 16/11/2011 10:21

BTW - you don't sound like the mum from hell, you sound like a woman who's being taken advantage of by 2 adults, one of whom is your adult son, the other is just a piss taker.

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