to not want strange men in the ante natal ward

[moogster1a]

Lots of discussion today about allowing men to stay overnight in the ward after you've had a baby.
This would be lovely if you were in a private room, but I wouldn't want to have men sleeping overnight in a shared ward.
i have fond memories of shuffling to the loo in the night looking like someone had slaughtered a pig in my pyjamas and literally leaving a bit of a trail ( no one tells you just how much blood is involved!). i would feel very uncomfortable doing this in front of a stranger's husband.

"I think this thread shows, above all else, how vital private rooms are to the mental and physical health of new mothers"

Absolutely! Wish it were always possible.

Oh, god, the idea of even more people talking, snoring, arguing, watching tv, screeching chairs about, making and receiving phone calls would have made me slit my wrists, I think.

And the hideous loss of privacy.

Also, although the theory of new fathers being supportive is lovely, the ward I was on was full of horrible men being obnoxious. If you saw any of 24 Hourse set in King's - well, those people who were being rude, selfish, argumentative, demanding and loud have babies, too, you know! I come across them regularly when we have to stay in with DS, and it's hell.

I had to stay in for 6 days when DS was born, and thankfully for the last 4 nights they gave me a room on my own. The first night DP just stayed and no-one noticed, then after that the mws gave him a mattress to put on the floor. That was great. Ideally single rooms in which partners can stay - but not the other side of a curtain with gaps in it.

I've had a full term birth and two late losses. Last one in hospital, last month.

Agree that this thread has shown that private rooms for women after giving birth is something that should be the norm. A real shame it isnt and isnt like to be

'If you want your husband with you, have a homebirth or pay for a private room

Do you think it's that simple? Had I delivered ds1 at home we'd be dead and private rooms were not allowed for people with the condition I had as we needed to be visible to staff for our own safety (pre eclampsia that deteriorated into eclampsia).

The very most vulnerable ones are the ones whose options are most limited.

Luckily I had a HB with ds4: was fab.

I would not have liked it at all. I think I would have braved a home birth rather than be in a ward with a load of strangers the night after DSs were born.

It was bad enough being in labour on the ward full of expectant mums with their visitors, most of them there were being monitored and such like, not actually in full labour so they had grandad, auntie Bea and the next door neighbour sauntering in and out

When they eventually moved me to a labour suite DS2 arrived within the hour. I was lucky enough to get a private room at £50 - only one night. £800 ffs ??

I'm very sorry to hear it. Up thread you said you had never been on a post natal ward.

Yanbu at all. The men may not care but the women onthe ward may. Don't want men seeing them at their most vulnerable

And what's this about not being allowed to close your curtains?! Why for the love of Jeff?!?!

I haven't. I've only been to labour ward once.

I suppose technically I've been on a postnatal ward but I was a few days old at the time

They come and swish them open, so they can check you haven't expired behind them. If the curtains are all open they can check on everyone with a cursory look around.

I wasn't suggesting I didn't believe you. I hope you had a private room, you definitely had every cause for one.

Let me assure you in my limited experience (although the second time was slightly better than the first) that a post natal ward is the seventh circle of hell and there is no relief like the moment the buzzer goes for end of visiting time.

ChocHobNob - I am sure part of my memory is that post-natal haze. I look back and everything looks rosy. When I really think hard about it, it was not all easy and nice. But I do still treasure that early time alone with ds, even when he was crying and I was trying to learn how to swaddle him.

Yes - there was not enough support from staff, the food was inconsistent, the facilities were not great, I was starting a small infection in my CS wound and we actually had an incident of an intruder on the ward. But I forget all of that and just loved it.

What I did not like was the lack of consideration from other mothers on how their visitors behaved - like having great big crowds around them for long periods of time, letting people go and peek through your curtains, even though you have them drawn for some privacy, talking on the phone and braying loudly, poking at your baby in its cot, taking your feeding chair away without asking, and not bringing it back. I definitely wanted them out after hours!

Pigletmania - but why does it make any difference if it's a man - would it be any different if it was a female partner?

I don't necessarily agree, but I can understand the 'I don't want people talking, snoring, making noise etc'...

...but why does it make any difference if it's other men or other women? They're all strangers.

YANBU, the unavoidable noise and heat from 8 mums and 8 babies in a room originally designed for 6 makes it hard enough to snatch some sleep between trying to establish feeding and other baby care without there being 16 adults in the room. Talk about cramped.

I don't really want to listen to other women chatting into their mobile, snoring, making noise etc. But they have a physical necessity to be there so I can tolerate it. The men don't.

If it helps I wouldn't want a post partum mother's lesbian partner hanging around all night either.

to be with your new baby is not a want. Babies need their parents.

sorry i have to disagree with this point, babies do not need thier parents as already stated several times they need, warmth and food, this can be given by one parent or someone who is not the parent as is the case for many babies born to ill mothers or those recovering from traumatic delivery that may have involved a ga, or where the baby is ill and wired up in scbu/nicu.

I beleive that so many people are hung up on their 'human rights' and a sense of entitlement, that judgement is seriously skewed. As said before, if we allow support in the guise of your birthing partner whoever that may be, staying overnight, then it needs to be a hospital wide policy for all of the units where patients stay overnight. e.g im sure my nan would much rather my grandad had stayed with her overnight after she was undergoing investigations or my grandad had wished that my father had satyed overnight after a fall and a broken hip and not having his call bell answered when his catheter had come away and was urinating in the bed!

We dont live in a utopian world where everyones needs and wants are taken into consideration and wises carried out. I do beleive in a seriously overstretched environment the vast majority of the NHS staff do a damn fine job and policies such as this only undermine the good work that they do do and could do more of if only the policies genuinley did look at what is best for the patient and staff.

chipping

I cannot beleive you asked that???? its like asking why are there single sex wards!

aye, lets just have women that have had a hysterectomy in with men that have had prostrate surgery then? I mean its just people!!!!

I'm due to give birth imminently and I'd be utterly thrown if I have to stay in and the ward was full of men. Because:

• NHS treats everybody, you can't guarantee that the visitors are good people who will treat other mums and babies with respect.
• the other mums will be too tired/ wrapped up in their babies to be bothering with others but restless overnight visitors would not necessarily be the same
• the wards I've seen aren't big enough to accommodate more adults so either less women can be treated or everyone will be on top of each other
• people's bad experiences seem to be based on poor staffing and lack of support. Having loads of dads/ birth partners on a ward isn't going to improve this beyond emotional support.

Hopefully this is all academic for me as my hospital want you out as soon as you've done the third stage! I was refused home birth as it's a first birth but on my plan I've asked for a private room if I can have one. If I end up on the ward, I end up there.

I work as a midwife and currently no men are allowed on the ward after 10:00pm, not even to drop stuff off.

The rules are now going to be changed as there was a survey and unbelievably the majority of women said they wanted men to stay. The wishes of the minority are being ignored.

Our ward is 4 bedded bays. The men will be able to sleep in chairs by the bedsides. The bays are already very cramped and the chairs will be 2ft away from the woman in the next bed. I wouldn't want some strange bloke sleeping 2 ftbaway from me.

The men aren't going to be allowed to use the toilets on the ward for infection control reasons. They can't leave the ward without being bleeped out by a member of staff, ditto coming back in.

So the two members of staff are going to have 40+ men coming in and out the ward all night, those going to the loo, wanting cigarettes, etc. We don't have the time to be bleeping them in and out all night.

If there is an empty bed in the bay I bet if some bloke is uncomfy in the chair he will jump in the bed in the middle of the night, making more work as the bed will need to be changed.

The bloke and his wife are more likely to be chatting to each other if awake and disturbing others who are tryingnto rest.

I think it's a very bad idea.

Chipping it just does, like the op said when going to the loo leaving a trail if blood, getting to grips wrh bf, boobs might be flashed. It's the notion that females have the same anatomy as you spits less embarassing, and a lot have been through childbirth themselves

Nope I am saying that if someone tried to seperate me from partner or baby at any point without extremely sound medical reasoning (can't think of a scenario but I'm sure there would be one) I would not tolerate it and I would rather get up and walk out.

I am also saying that people ill enough to be in the hospital with a dependent baby should have someone in with them to take care of the child. For everyones sake. Be that a Mum BF a 6mo, a single Dad, anyone with a dependent baby who needs hospitalisation on whatever ward.

I have stayed overnight in hospital when my DH had a suspected heart attack. And I have stayed several nights when my mother was seriously ill.

I am still unsure as to the function of a general postnatal ward and really not sold on them judging by the experiences here.

FWIW, my friend and her partner are currently considering a baby, her partner would be the one carrying the baby.

I love my friend to bits, but no way would I want her being all chipper and 'supportive' all night long!

There should be no people who are not staff, babies or patients on the ward. I'm not prudish (as the poor man over the road will testify when I inadvertently flashed my boobs at him the other night from one bedroom window to the other ) and BF in front of all and sundry.

But the indignity of childbirth and the postpartum state is one that is exclusively shared by all the women on the ward to one degree or another. But not the men. Some of whom (the Gordon Ramsey thread earlier is testament to this) find the whole matter rather yucky and should not be there all the time.