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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want strange men in the ante natal ward

999 replies

moogster1a · 15/11/2011 12:39

Lots of discussion today about allowing men to stay overnight in the ward after you've had a baby.
This would be lovely if you were in a private room, but I wouldn't want to have men sleeping overnight in a shared ward.
i have fond memories of shuffling to the loo in the night looking like someone had slaughtered a pig in my pyjamas and literally leaving a bit of a trail ( no one tells you just how much blood is involved!). i would feel very uncomfortable doing this in front of a stranger's husband.

OP posts:
eminencegrise · 15/11/2011 13:59

I couldn't just leave because I couldn't feel my legs. I did leave as soon as possible after the births.

spamm · 15/11/2011 14:00

I agree that they should not let any extras - man or woman - stay on a ward after hours. From my recollection, 6 years ago, the ward was very noisy and busy anyway - bloody mobile phones with text messages coming in every 2 seconds, etc... - and that was in a fairly empty ward, with only 4 of us in a 10 bed section. I cannot imagine what it would have been like, if we had had extra people there all night.

I still treasure the long night hours in the first days after my emergency CS. I just loved spending time staring at my new ds and breastfeeding in the early hours, eating Mini Cheddars. I loved having my dh around during the day, but those nights were wonderful. I still tell my ds about it when he says: Tell me a story about when I was little...

Catslikehats · 15/11/2011 14:01

They're not really "strange men" so much as new fathers, many of whom have a desperate wish to stay and support their wives.

And since men are allowed on the ward during the day I'm not really sure why it matters so much that they are not allowed to stay through the night when, post birth you are at your most needy and the ward is at it's most understaffed.

I had a dreadful 1st delivery. Bothe DD and I almost died and I was devestated that DH was sent home - as was he, being aware that both DD and I were at our most vulnerable. At about 11pm after visiting had finished DD stopped breathing - she choked on mucus in her throat and had to be russhed off to be suctioned. It was terrifying, I was exhausted and I was subsequently too frightened to sleep should it happen again. I really needed support and they wouldn't even let me call my DH Sad

HarryHillatemygoldfish · 15/11/2011 14:01

msscarlett, when you have had a baby the whole world you want are baby and partner.

If you are lucky you can have a homebirth and you get that. Otherwise, you have to accept that the very last thing other women who share your feelings, want is strange men staying overnight with them.

catgirl1976 · 15/11/2011 14:01

I hope I am able to leave.

I have been told by the MWs that as our hospital has just lost 8 beds on the ward, they will be pretty supportive of my buggering off asap as they are really short of space.

They said they tend to keep you in delivery (which is private rooms and where men can stay without restrictions) for a lot longer now as they have more room here, so it may not become an issue.

MsScarlettInTheLibrary · 15/11/2011 14:01

I have signed out of hospitals before against medical advice. I'd have no problem doing it again. I've also just stood up and left, and gone to another hospital, where I was readmitted and treated much better.

TroublesomeEx · 15/11/2011 14:01

Smile@spamm

ChocHobNob · 15/11/2011 14:02

I wish I had nights like yours Spamm. Mine were dreadful, 3 nights of a screaming baby who wouldn't settle and very little sleep for me. If my H had been with me, he could have held baby (which was all he wanted) while I slept.

WilsonFrickett · 15/11/2011 14:02

Post natal wards are like Central Station - noisy, bleepy, busy places. There is no way I would have been comfortable with an extra 4 grown-up people in my ward for the three nights I spent there. Particularly my neighbour who had eight - eight - people round her bed at visiting time, I can't imagine her and her DH bedding down quietly at 9pm...

If you have a private room then no problem with it. But most hospitals aren't set up like that, are they?

HarryHillatemygoldfish · 15/11/2011 14:03

new fathers

And some new fathers are the type of men you'd do anything to avoid.. And yet you think it's perfectly okay to inflict them overnight , all night on vulnerable women.

porcamiseria · 15/11/2011 14:03

then go private mrsscarlett! its a nice idea, so maybe private will get you this utopian ideal. god its bad enough having dads there 2pm to 9pm as you shuffle to the loo bleeding like a stuck pig, let alone overnight!!!!

TroublesomeEx · 15/11/2011 14:04

MsScarlet - you might find it's not that easy with a newborn baby and having just given birth!

HarryHillatemygoldfish · 15/11/2011 14:04

I think this thread shows, above all else, how vital private rooms are to the mental and physical health of new mothers.

eminencegrise · 15/11/2011 14:04

'And since men are allowed on the ward during the day I'm not really sure why it matters so much that they are not allowed to stay through the night when,'

Because some of us actually slept at night and don't care to do so next to a strange man who is not a patient.

daveywarbeck · 15/11/2011 14:05

There are so many good reasons why this is a shit idea (as spelled out by Wilson and HarryHill amongst others) that I can only think some women are living in a fantasy land.

As for those saying if you want privacy from other people's husbands you should go home - my last delivery was a C section. I had a medical need to be in hospital. You want to be with your husband so desperately you can't be separated for one night, you go home.

allhailtheaubergine · 15/11/2011 14:05

People seem to be assuming that "all these strange men" will be stalking up and down the ward peering round your curtain trying to catch a glimpse of your boobs.

Any male friend or relation is allowed on the ward in the daytime when presumably you are also bleeding and learning to feed. What is so different at night?

porcamiseria · 15/11/2011 14:05

aww spamm I had the same feeling!!!! me, DS2 (who fed half hourly for the first 3 weeks) and a large box of waitrose chocolate shortbreads. all curtained in. It was so nice

TroublesomeEx · 15/11/2011 14:06

For all the posters who have said what's the difference between men being there in the day and overnight. The answer is simple.

The nighttime is when we generally sleep and are, therefore, more vulnerable and most of us tolerate other people's visitors during the day and watch the clock with a sigh of relief when the bell rings and they are herded out.

BeerTricksPotter · 15/11/2011 14:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

daveywarbeck · 15/11/2011 14:07

And I note at least two of the people arguing strongly in favour of men on a post natal ward haven't actually spent a night on one themselves yet. Let's see how they feel about other people's husbands bunking down for the night a flimsy curtain's width away once they have done so. I think they would think differently.

TheSecondComing · 15/11/2011 14:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

eminencegrise · 15/11/2011 14:08

What's so different about night? Well, I actually used most of it to sleep, for starters. My babies all slept fairly well and I took them in bed with me and fed them lying down. As a rape survivor, I wouldn't have felt comfortable doing this in a room full of strange men.

MsScarlettInTheLibrary · 15/11/2011 14:08

I've had babies, daveywarbeck.

daveywarbeck · 15/11/2011 14:09

Have you spent a night on a post natal ward though?

HarryHillatemygoldfish · 15/11/2011 14:09

In hospital, scarlett? How was it?

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