to not want strange men in the ante natal ward

[moogster1a]

Lots of discussion today about allowing men to stay overnight in the ward after you've had a baby.
This would be lovely if you were in a private room, but I wouldn't want to have men sleeping overnight in a shared ward.
i have fond memories of shuffling to the loo in the night looking like someone had slaughtered a pig in my pyjamas and literally leaving a bit of a trail ( no one tells you just how much blood is involved!). i would feel very uncomfortable doing this in front of a stranger's husband.

I laboured on a post-natal ward rather than the labour suite. That was until 9cm and I had to do it alone. I wasn't allowed a birthing partner until I managed to convince them to transfer me to the labour ward.

I am still against any non-patients staying over night due to space and noise primarily regardless of gender.

In my experience with my DH he didn't "bond" with any of ours in those first hours or even days! He was knackered and a bit overwhelmed and they were attached to me feeding most of the time anyway. He also understood that baby needed my boobs and that was about it. He kept himself busy with other family stuff.

His bonding grew over the years teaching them to ride a bike and such.

I nearly laughed my socks off when I saw this on the news last night. DH was not allowed to stay and he struggled to get home in the snow, 30 minute trip took nearly 2 hours. That was 11 months ago in the hospital that piloted the dad's staying for the first night. He would have slept in the car if not for freezing temperatures.

Yes I hope all these blokes that want this brought in as they're so keen for bonding time will ban all the multitude of visitors including grandparents that descend for the whole of visiting. After all its using up valuable bonding time?

I think DH was better bonded with dd to begin with, despite being barbarically forced home. I kept putting her nappies on back to front. For 3 days.

Anyhoo, can dc2 come out magically, overnight, while I sleep, aided by fairy dust please?

I sometimes feel that when people insist upon their partners being with them in situations where it might not be appropriate, that there is a small element of control, almost.

I dunno, may be just musing. Certainly for some couples that may well be the case where there is lack of trust etc. But I'm a very independent soul.

My dh hardly saw our son for his first few months as he had no choice but to be away on business for most of it as he worked in IT and it was 1999! Ds is now 12 and as close to his dad as any child is.

eyes you poor darling

How horrible for you.

I have a anxiety disorder/PTSD (whoever you want to believe) relating to hosptials. I have for very similar reasons to you although mine traumas are around spending a couple of years in and out of hosptial with my sick DD.

People kind of assume my problems relate to her very serious illness and the horror of all that. They are right in part but the reality is much more mundane than that.
Its the daily, seemingly small incidents that built up over two years and left me too anxious to go into hosptial.

The being treated in an offhand way, the being fobbed or or ignored, the people not recognising your fear/needs, the other patients being agressive, mistakes made, near misses etc etc.

When I think of a hosptial that is what comes to mind. Not the lovely nurses and Drs doing their very best. Its so sad but that is what PTSD is about I suppose.

I cannot see how this madcap scheme by our least favourite public school boy will improve the hosptial exeperience of any woman.

Those who think that new dads would be sweet and helpful on the ward? YOu would think that parents looking after sick kids would be to distracted to act like aggressive, selfish, theiving fuckers wouldnt you?

I am not familiar with the UK's hospitals, but they can't be so bad that you don't receive the care you are there to receive?

joins Gwendoline in the laughing

Very happy to have men there in the day, but was not happy when nurses turned a blind eye in the night hours. The problem is that for most people, support means talk and if you are in for several weeks you are going to end up rather sleep deprived from other people's support before you even go into labour. Not to mention afterwards.

TBH I think limited visiting hours work best, and I say that as both a former patient and a former nurse who did a little stint on a post natal ward. Patients do need peace and quiet as much as possible. When I was on the post natal ward [which to be fair was 23 years ago] we did receive sufficient care and support from the staff, we also had enough time and peace and quiet to relax and sleep during the day.

We were asked if dh wanted to stay after ds born. We said yes, but in the end he went home for a nights sleep to be more use the next day. The other lady on the ward had dp there. It's bad enough being in the room with someone else, tbh, but there was an all night running commentary on every cry, latching attempt and several blow by blow reruns of the birth. Plus all the coos etc. I sound horrible, but when you're awake and exhausted it's unbearable.

and they can get rid of those fecking tellys aswell!!!!

I haven't been on PN ward yet, and hopefully won't have to stay on one of those. I am due in March :) I have been on Gynae ward, which was traumatic. The nurses don't come when you ring the bell. That is why I am hoping for the easy recovery most women on this thread have had. If my only concern is "can that guy see my breasts" I would be more than happy. I am concerned I won't be able to move and thus take care of the baby properly. This is where the DPs come in.

I was suprised to hear only 15% of women are discharged on the day - thanks Viva :) I really am hoping I don't have to stay on another hospital ward, it is so traumatic. You can wait for hours to get a sip of water, if you can't get it yourself. How awful it must feel to hear your baby cry and you cannot get up to see what's wrong.

When DS is in hospital DP and I take it in turns to stay the night with him. Children's wards take kids up to the age of 13. DP has slept in a 2-bed room a curtain away from someone else's toddler - the parents had left him to spend the night with friends, and DP, a non-CRB-checked random stranger ahd been alone with DS and that toddler. Including giving him his bear and singing to him when he woke distressed in the night and the nurses were busy.

And I really feel for the poor poor 13 yo girls who was brought in having been subjected to a serious sexual and physical assault, and was examined and interviewed the other side of the curtain from DP, and across the aisle in a 4 bed bay from a 13 yo boy. Can you imagine? Of course, DP went out into the corridor, but he was there overnight, in the next bay.

Hospitals are very hostile environments wrt to sleep and privacy.

VivaLeBeaver - was the survey re partners staying done amongst those who were expecting a baby or those who had had one?

Most children's wards are up to 18.

I would have thought having a 2 bed room on a childrens ward wasn't ideal from a child protection pov personally. On our ward they are either single rooms (for infectious children!) or bays of 6 beds.

i had my first dd at 10 at night then after about an hour we were transferred down to the ward and they were very sweet and let him stay for a little while but then told him he had to go. i was heart broken, i dont really see the problem there are curtains around all the beds for privacy. my dp didnt know what to do with himself when he left he luckly my family was still up and he went to them but it would have been better if he could have stayed with us.

Would you have seen the problem if you were trying to sleep in the bed next to the couple getting over excited talking about the wondeful new baby at 3am?

sam. on some wards the beds are so close that visitors are almost leaning on the next bad through the curtains. On top of that the curtains aren't sound proof. Even if your DP tried to be as quiet as a church mouse he would make some noise. Then multiply that by 7 other fathers. It is quite frankly a lot of noise even if everyone of these partners is considerate. TBH the odds that everyone of them will be considerate are quite slim.

I've actually never been to sleep in a hospital, I've stayed overnight in them but never slept there other than as a child - often spending my time in waiting rooms, corridor walking, or other facilities instead, not having the patience to sit in a dark room in silence for hours on end. I'm not suggesting anyone else do this it's just another perspective on the whole keeping other people awake issue.

i am on my 4th so have stayed in hospital several times with new babies and never begrudged the new dad that precious time late at night when they have been brought down from the maternity ward because i know what it felt like when they had to leave. that first time with the baby can never be gotten back.

That precious time at the very beginning is one thing. But if you have to stay in all night, and then the next night, and the night after that, should he really be camping out there all that time?
If you need to spend a few days in the hospital, and have just gone through labour, of course you will need to sleep in the hospital. It wouldn't be good for you to stay awake all that time.