to not want strange men in the ante natal ward

[moogster1a]

Lots of discussion today about allowing men to stay overnight in the ward after you've had a baby.
This would be lovely if you were in a private room, but I wouldn't want to have men sleeping overnight in a shared ward.
i have fond memories of shuffling to the loo in the night looking like someone had slaughtered a pig in my pyjamas and literally leaving a bit of a trail ( no one tells you just how much blood is involved!). i would feel very uncomfortable doing this in front of a stranger's husband.

'Harry

That post was way, way out of line.'

No, it wasn't, your attitude and sense of the entitlement that you feel is more important than the patients on the ward are.

I wouldn't want you sleeping next to me, either.

When I had DD2 we stayed in the delivery room for a good hour at least while the midwives did their checks/brought me toast DH had plenty of time for precious moments then! I don't think anyone is suggesting kicking them out the minute you give birth, and that's not what happens now. He also helped me have a shower, which was amazing, and I am very glad it was him, not a midwife. When they brought me down to the ward at 3am I just wanted to sleep, and DD was also asleep so why would I need him to stay?!

When I had DD2 we stayed in the delivery room for a good hour at least while the midwives did their checks/brought me toast DH had plenty of time for precious moments then! I don't think anyone is suggesting kicking them out the minute you give birth, and that's not what happens now. He also helped me have a shower, which was amazing, and I am very glad it was him, not a midwife. When they brought me down to the ward at 3am I just wanted to sleep, and DD was also asleep so why would I need him to stay?!

I have given birth in a busy London hospital with partners being able to stay from about 9am-8pm and also stayed in a District general where partners were allowed to visit 2-4pm and 6-8pm once on the postnatal ward. My partner in both hospitals saw the birth and stayed with me afterwards for an hour or so. The District General with the strict hours was so much more relaxing and much less stressful as there were less people and I could sleep between feeds. I felt secure. I felt I could leave my baby whilst I was in the shower or loo. I suffered post traumatic stress disorder after the london experience. No sleep, no privacy and I was constantly stressed. There were about the same number of women present, just as big maternity unit, but a much calmer atmosphere.

Harry

You haven't understood me at all

I make no apology for treasuring the moments with my newborns

And I believe it is something that every father should get to experience

I hope you're right sleepyspaniel and I have no doubt introducing this would cost a bloody fortune for all the reasons you state, but it looks cheaper than more midwives until you start considering these factors. The majority of women who have just had a baby aren't actually ill (although many need observation for a period of time) so why not just get their partner to hang around and assist with the toileting, changing etc? Seems to make perfect sense until you engage brain.

Someone should email this thread to the Department of Health.

et the women have majortity voted to allow partners to stay in Viva's hospital, Christine.

But they haven't. They were asked if they would like their partner to stay. I very much doubt most have given any thought at all to the enormity of what they may be asking for.

And I doubt very, very much you have either.

Yes those things do happen during the day.

But during the day in my ward there are seven midwives on the ward plus numerous drs about. If I have to ask someone to stop something,etc and they turn nasty ( not unusual) I have the back up of my colleagues. Someone will back down when faced with seven of us shoulder to shoulder.

On a night shift there are two us us. We are more vulnerable.

MTGM harryhill's post was not way out of line in the context of yours

'What I meant was that spending time with my children right after they were born was incredibly precious and I would never ever want to lose those memories'

I don't want to have those memories to be about place reminiscent of a tube carriage at rush hour 24/7.

That sounds about right to me viva a bit of balance.

Catgirl good luck! I hope your birth goes well. Please don't worry about the stories on this thread, bad experiences are not the norm.

Catgirl, good luck when the time comes! For what it is worth, I have very few negative things to say about any of the care I had in pregnancy or birth. DH stayed with me after the birth until we were both dropping with tiredness and was only away from us for about 6 hrs in reality.

The balance comment was about the 9-9 visiting btw not staffing levels.

Eminence

Not sure how you read that I think I am more important than anyone else

All I have said is that spending time with my newborn children is an incredibly important memory for me, and I would never want to lose that time

Maybe you feel that men's first moments with their DC are not as important as women's?

*I make no apology for treasuring the moments with my newborns

And I believe it is something that every father should get to experience*

Which they do, on the labour ward.

AF

Then sorry that you have misunderstood my post

As I said, my choice of words was poor

Not sure where the continued attacks are
coming from

Maybe you feel that men's first moments with their DC are not as important as women's?

what is infinitely more important than anyone's precious moments are other people's medical needs, which could be compromised by these proposals. And no, before you start, you don't need to spend time cooing over your newborn. You'd like to, and that's understandable, but you don't need to.

There are plenty of mothers who aren't discharged but aren't I'll enough to be unable to care for their babies.

First time mums who want help establishing breastfeeding.
Mums who need iv antibiotics for a few days following delivery
Mums who had high blood pressure who need observing
Mums who had deranged liver function in pregnancy who need blood tests, obs
Mums who had a pph who need observing
Babies that had meconium and need observing for 24 hours
Mums who had sections who need to stay in for between 24-48hours
Babies that need iv antibiotics
Babies that need a hot cot
Babies that were small for gestational age and need a feeding regime, possibly tube feeds
Babies that need phototherapy.

I would say where I work at least 85% of women will spend one night on the postnatal ward.

Maybe you feel that men's first moments with their DC are not as important as women's?

No of course they're bloody not!

Don;t be so unutterably entitled! When you carry a baby for nine months, push it through your fanjo and then suckle it for months, THEN you have equal rights to the first moment.

MTGM, no-one is trying to "take away" a man's precious first time with his newborn baby

stop trying to make this a thread about the menz, fgs

Ill enough not I'll

< shoots iPad>

What davey said. And you are continually defensive and aggressive even on this thread. Precisely the reason I'm so glad the hospitals where I gave birth had no partners overnight rules. The latter one had really strict visiting hours and rules, thankfully. My own husband couldn't have been there, anyhow, he was looking after our other children and we lived far away.

Harry

You agree that men and women have equal importance to be there

Then you say women have more right due to pregnancy and childbirth

Which do you believe?

the continued "attacks" MTGM is because you are still trying to make this thread about you and your precious time with your baby

have you had children ?

did you get your precious time with your baby ?

I sincerely hope you did...but I still wouldn't want you, nor any random man, sleeping 2ft away from me which is what would happen with the current set up of many PN wards...

MsScarlett: In the day, a woman might well have her DP with her, plus friends and family visiting, so she's not as vulnerable. At night, that DP goes home to take care of the other children in quite a few cases and those women are left on their own. Sleeping. Vulnerable. More curtains are drawn. More people are asleep. Less people likely to unexpectedly pop in such as paeds, tea/coffee ladies. Less midwives around the ward.

The atmosphere is more conducive to wrongdoings at night than in a brightly lit, bustling daytime ward. Plus if a new mother is sleeping she is more vulnerable to a curtain being lightly tugged aside and someone creeping in.

I'm not saying it would commonly happen. I'm saying it could more easily happen and give scumbags out there unprecedented access to vulnerable women and newborn babies that they definitely shouldn't have.