to not want strange men in the ante natal ward

[moogster1a]

Lots of discussion today about allowing men to stay overnight in the ward after you've had a baby.
This would be lovely if you were in a private room, but I wouldn't want to have men sleeping overnight in a shared ward.
i have fond memories of shuffling to the loo in the night looking like someone had slaughtered a pig in my pyjamas and literally leaving a bit of a trail ( no one tells you just how much blood is involved!). i would feel very uncomfortable doing this in front of a stranger's husband.

have you read the thread at all MTGM ?

I think the point is that you said you were prepared to fight anyone who tried to prevent you spending the night with your newborn.

Why should I have to be confronted with someone like you?

Reading this thread it would appear most people are happy with no men there so why not go for the if its not broke dont fix it approach?

If anything changes then allow 1 visitor from 9am - 9pm, rather than the more restricted hours that some have, I know where I gave birth it was into the afternoon before fathers were allowed on the ward.

I'm going to start saving right now to pay for my daughters to go private when they give birth, there probably won't be a NHS then, anyhow.

cynical? How have I been cynical? Fathers are allowed to be with their 90 minute old children, regardless of time of day or night. The mother and baby would still be in recovery then, where partners are allowed to stay with them. No one's trying to take your precious moments away from you. Just let women sleep in peace, it's not much to ask.

OK, OK, bad choice of words

I have no interest in fighting mums
I can only applaud the hard work of midwives, doctors, nurses and all others at the hospitals

For the record I would follow any instruction given

What I meant was that spending time with my children right after they were born was incredibly precious and I would never ever want to lose those memories

Isn't that how we all feel?

I was just thinking the same eminencegrise.

Pink4ever not sure why the fact you wouldn't want your DP there is relevent, no one is trying to make partners stay when they don't want to/the mother doesn't want them to.

Just because you managed fine should the experiences of people who struggled be invalid?

We are all different. The more healthcare can treat us as individuals the better quality the care will be. I think the idea of having different bays as women only or not is a very good one.

Fathers generally get a good few hours on the labour ward with their newborns. Where I work they can be back at9am the following day and stay for the next twelve hours non stop. Plenty of time for cuddles, bonding, etc.

I really don't see that going home for a few hours sleep at a time when their partner and child should be trying to get some rest is really that bad.

and sons so their first act as a father isn't to leave the building?

Haven't read the whole thread so apologies if point already made - I think part of the issue is just space. I found the post-natal ward at my local hospital a stressful environment as it was, very difficult to get even minimal rest. If you add a partner/supporter overnight for all or most of the women there, more people will mean more people moving around, talking, discussing things with their partners, making phone calls, beeping on their gadgets. As much as I can see why having your own partner present can be great for you, I would personally forego my own partner rather than have to deal with everyone else's

Harry

That post was way, way out of line.

Same rules as rest of the hospital - single sex wards.

That's it isn't it? Nothing else needs to be discussed. That is what is the best for the vast majority of women giving birth which need to be our main criterion when making decisions

Our ward does the 9-9 visiting for one person. Which I do think is ample.

It won't happen, davey. It is absolutely outrageous to suggest that vulnerable post-natal, breastfeeding, exhausted women share a ward with male partners, who are not ill, not patients of the hospital, not background checked, not watched by security, not necessarily sober and only a flicked curtain away from a sleeping woman and/or a new born babies. There would undoubtedly be cases brought in time of assault, breach of the peace, violent conduct, etc up to and including rape. There would undoubtedly be a rise in MRSA and other bugs brought to the very vulnerable to infection newborns.

There would undoubtedly be MORE work for midwives as they try to control and smooth over any antisocial behaviours. What if there was a fight breaking out on the ward between two disgruntled partners? Drips flying, babies crying? What if a mother asked the midwife to have a word with another woman's partner? It's going to lead to MORE work not less. There will be guys getting arsy with midwives because they feel THEIR precious DW/DP is not getting the same attention as the bed over there etc.

Loud chatting, probable sexual encounters, more texting, the list of WHY it's just a really bad idea goes onandonandonadon.

Yet the women have majortity voted to allow partners to stay in Viva's hospital, Christine.

daveywarbeck that's not always the case. My partner had to leave about half an hour after the birth (about 25 minutes after DD had been resusitated). We had to leave the delivery room within about ten minutes as it was needed for someone else.

No, it wasn't.
I''m glad you apologised, you should be ashamed to have said such a thing.

Do none of those things happen in the day time Sleepyspaniel?

Late to this but is the proposal to allow fathers to stay overnight (and hence the overwhelming opposition here) or to allow some family member, whether male or female, to stay? Because the current situation is that no one is allowed to stay overnight with the mother, is it not?

If mother is well enough to take care of her baby, couldn't she be discharged? Surely the hospital can't keep mothers on ward just for the sake of it? Or just so that the mother can sleep? NHS is not a hotel.
It sounds like a lot of the mothers here have had quick recoveries. If I am lucky enough to experience that, I would expect to be discharged asap. My own experiences of hospital wards have been traumatic, I don't trust my needs to be met, let alone my baby's. That is why I think DPs should be allowed on the ward.
Yes, there are people of a dubious character everywhere, I just don't recognise the description of men on this board.

Andrew my own DH was allowed to "see me to the ward", with the midwife(anybody who would have been disturbed by my arrival would have been no more disturbed IYSWIM)

it was the middle of the night, he stayed for a little while, very very quietly because everyone else was asleep

then he left us, and the rest of the women and babies, to it to come back refreshed and overjoyed the next day

I think what we are both describing is very, very different to all men being allowed to sleep over every night all night

because I presume there will be blokes hanging around all evening and then all night, which is blood yboring, tbh when your wife and baby are asleep after going through the massive physical undertaking that is giving birth/being born

or, heavens above, those that go out to the pub and then rock up at the b+b ward and expect to be let in to get their heads down

it is frankly, a ridiculous idea

cheeseandmarmite - I am due today :)

I have seen the Delivery Suite and it looks lovely - its just the PN ward I have heard horror stories about and my hope is to have a stress free birth and be able to go home on early discharge.

Failing that my plan b is a private room (but these are not always avaliable)

Plan C is - on the ward, sadly say bye to DH and suck it up as thats the way things are and I get other people dont want strangers

Fingers cross for a though

Thanks for you best wishes! :)

Because they were asked if they wanted their own partners to stay - not how they felt about other people's partners sharing their wards at night.