to not want strange men in the ante natal ward

[moogster1a]

Lots of discussion today about allowing men to stay overnight in the ward after you've had a baby.
This would be lovely if you were in a private room, but I wouldn't want to have men sleeping overnight in a shared ward.
i have fond memories of shuffling to the loo in the night looking like someone had slaughtered a pig in my pyjamas and literally leaving a bit of a trail ( no one tells you just how much blood is involved!). i would feel very uncomfortable doing this in front of a stranger's husband.

YABU, I would have been very grateful of my husband's support during the nights following the birth.

Its so bloody knackering, but you can't rest because you have to sort out the feeding etc, I think I would have been able to relax and have a deep sleep if I had known my husband was there to watch the baby for a bit. The MW are good if they are not too busy and have the time, but can't rely on them.

Also YANBU regarding the privacy issue, I have splatted a blood clot on the corridor floor before and usually have boobs flopping about.

I don't know what the answer is.

Oh dear god no, no, NO !

I feel a letter coming on....

It had never occurred to me until our last antenatal class that whereas you get told how lovely it is to have DP with you throughout labour and holding the baby etc, that then after a couple hours he would be told to fuck off while baby and I had to go to the postnatal ward.

As it happened I was able to get a single room so I could keep DP or other terp with me. However, I still got sod all sleep thanks to not being able to reach ds in the cot (attached to bed with drip and catheter), and then loads of diarrhoea which in one case took over four hours to get cleaned up - not what you want to lie in when your baby is already on antibiotics! What with staff coming in supposedly at 4-hour intervals to bring pain relief and someone wanting to teach me how to bathe my baby at 6am, sleep just didn't happen. The day MWs confessed that as I had someone with me, they expected that person to do nursing at night (passing me a baby, fair enough, but moving me in bed or tracking down cleaning materials?)

So with dc2 I have to decide if I'd be less neglected if I'm on a 4- or 6-bed room, if I have to be on a postnatal ward again, even if I can't understand what's going on. I think that's the way to go - certainly if I'm sentient enough to argue my case.

Every woman ended up ensuring someone stayed with them from 10am to 8pm, just to look after them - the day staff were great, just no where near enough of them, and there were more of them than the night staff.
So if I was asked to vote like in VivaBeaver's hospital, I'd probably vote for support at night and risk that some other visitors might be a nightmare. I was told that if my DP tried staying that he'd be rapidly evicted by security, so presumably security would be expected to deal with any companions who didn't behave.

Ideally we'd be looked after by midwives and care assistants, but that doesn't seem to be an option.

Mumsnet camapign?

Possible?

Harry - I can imagine a ward where prostate patients were expected to share the ward with female patients. The outcry about this is one reason why the NHS has committed to eradicate mixed sex wards.

It seems that new mothers don't deserve to have their dignity respected like other patients. Historically maternity wards have been the one area of a hospital where women could be sure of a single-sex ward, what a shame new mothers will lose their sanctuary just as other patients are gaining theirs.

Where do I sign ?

Sorry it is a while ago in the thread but on page 4 catgirl1976 said "my birth plan states I will NOT go on to the ante natal ward unless there is a critical medical emergency that requires me to do so. In any other circumstances I will not go on to the ward and will be going straight home once the baby is born"

Are you allowed to do this? I know you can write what you want in your birth plan, but will they let you just leave? I feel i need to be in hosptial for the birth, it is the bit afterwards being on a ward that i'm absolutely dreading. (i had to spend some time in hosp last year and just couldn't sleep for the noise- in the end i was hallucinating i was so tired)

This would be brilliant if it is true! does anyone else know more about it??

Harry I think we should campaign for better post-natal care, more midwives, and better/more transparent complaint procedures before we campaign to keep men out of the postnatal ward - particularly when some of us want our partners there to help negate the previously mentioned issues.

I'm am actually astounded by this becoming a reality. Actually astounded.

piprabbit has pretty much summed up the problem with this.

My husband's lovely but he snores like a bear! I don't think I'd want to inflict total lack of sleep on a room full of new mums because of my husband's snoring.

Saying that, he'd have to stay if everyone else's partners were staying to look after and protect me and the baby. My hospital have invested a fortune on a lock down system to stop people being able to steal newborns but the tags can come off accidentally. What would be the point of this expense if you're then filling the wards full of able bodied randoms with 24 hour access to babies and no increase in staff?

Glad I'm not off to vivalabeaver's hospital.

Me too, folkgirl and yes, piprabbit has hit the nail very squarely.

As a woman patient I have an absolute right not to have a strange male sleeping next to me whilst I am vulnerable and breastfeeding.

I feel that this sets women's rights back years. It's obscene to force women to sleep next to male non patients when they are at their absolute most vulnerable.

Online friend, hospital isn't a prison and you can leave at any time. Many people go home with our blessing a few hours after birth straight from labour ward. Have baby, have some toast, have a check up, have a shower and leave.

I also remember one lady who left a few hours after a section against advice. Bit we couldn't force her to stay. She ripped her drips out and her partner carried her to the car.

onlinefriend - I believe you can legally discharge yourself. I did, because I couldn't face another night without sleep (3 in labour, 1 in too-noisy postnatal ward), but I had no medical issues so it was fairly easy to persuade them. Maybe you could go there just for a couple of hours, get feeding sorted, have the paediatric check and what-not, then discharge yourself?

Also -More midwives! More midwives!

And if you allow men on the ward overnight, I can't blame her .

VivaLeBeaver- thank you for replying. I had a little dance around my living room at the prospect of this!

Lots of people are objecting based on the fact that they would not want a man they don't know in the labour ward. Is this a specific objection to the presence of men? Out of interest, would you also object if a lesbian new mum had her partner there? Or if someone's mum or sister stayed over night?

For me, it's because it's a man firstly and a non patient secondly.

TeddyBare - most people have said that the presence of any 'guests' overnight would be unacceptable, regardless of their sex.

With my second child I delivered very shortly after arrival and we both went home 6 hours later without having to stay on the post-natal ward. It's certainly possible if there are no complications. It was wonderful to be back home in my own bed with lovely food and not having to share a bathroom.

:)

If someone is violent or aggressive it will be up to the midwife to sort it. I rang security once but there are only two blokes for the whole hospital and unsuprisinly they were busy in a&e and couldnt come.

So I'd have a choice of either leaving the aggressive person there or trying to kick them out myself.

thanks fotheringhay. Replying to people on threads and typing in their names really makes me think i should change my name to something cooler, (problem is i'm really not cool). think i might ask for advice about it in chat....

I've had two sections - first time i was on a 4 bed ward for three days post CS, second time i had twins so was in a side room.

You'd think that having twins by CS I'd have really wanted DH with me overnight, but tbh I was glad that - after being with us from 10am til 8pm - he was able to get home and get a good nights sleep. One of us needed to!

Yes, there is a shortage of midwives and some women post-birth really struggle to get the help they need but that is not reason enough to allow partners - male or female - to stay over. I had bugger all help after DD1 was born, but if DH had been allowed to stay over, then the utter thug who was the partner of the woman in the next bay would've been allowed to stay too. He was loud, aggressive and bolshy - not pleasant to listen to through a thin curtain and i was relieved when he had to go home.

Some posters have said well, let hospital security deal with the occassional 'bad 'un', but how can they, when they're pretty fully stretched dealing withe all the drunks/brug-takers in A&E?! (my friend is an A&E nurse and can vouch for that).

Vivas post is really depressing. The wards in the majority of hospital are not set up to adequately accomodate both mum and partner - until they are, YANBU OP.

TeddyBare, I've already answered that one. I wouldn't want another woman there either. Unless they have recently given birth and have their name on a clip board at the foot of a bed.