to not want strange men in the ante natal ward

[moogster1a]

Lots of discussion today about allowing men to stay overnight in the ward after you've had a baby.
This would be lovely if you were in a private room, but I wouldn't want to have men sleeping overnight in a shared ward.
i have fond memories of shuffling to the loo in the night looking like someone had slaughtered a pig in my pyjamas and literally leaving a bit of a trail ( no one tells you just how much blood is involved!). i would feel very uncomfortable doing this in front of a stranger's husband.

sorry, drug takers, not brug..!

Only 2 security guards Viva? Good grief.

How about a sort of public lounge, where men are allowed 24 hours, and visitors, but strictly not in the ward. If it had good facilities, this would allow them to support the Mum, whilst maintaining the privacy of the Mums. You could meet them in there and give them the baby for them to cuddle in there while you get your head down for a couple of hours ???

How about that ??

teddybare

for me it would be any unneccesary person. hospitals are there to treat ill people. a post delivery mother, if she is there, needs to be there, her partner does not have a need to be there at night.

also i think it comes across as really precious from those posters who are outraged at spending a night away from their partner. are you attatched at the hip? do you need to be in 24 hour contact with them? you have 9 months to prepare yourself for the possibility of a night apart. i dont understand this whole "i will not be separated from my husband" business. you are an adult. you can cope with that surely?

I believe recall has got it!

not sure if taht would work recall. what about when the babies needed fed. tehre would be a constant stream of partners bringing babies back to the ward and needing to be buzzed in by nurses. also. would there be an increased risk of baby abduction?

How about buzzers that midwives wear, rather than loud ones? And there could be locks on the outside doors that only the midwives can open?

yes that could work. i still think it's taking more from and already massively stretched budget to accomodate people that have no need to be there. sorry i just think if there is any spending to be done at all it should be on the patients themselves, improving the care they get rather than providing extra facilities for people who aren't patients.

Absolutely, definitely, totally NO NO NO to men staying on postnatal wards at night!!!!!!

Heres why:

Lack of privacy. I don't care if his partner has given birth, it doesn't give us a connection, or make him someone i want sleeping next to me with just a dividing curtain in between. He's not MY partner, my friend, or trusted family member. He is a stranger as good as off the street.

Know how there are some TOTAL undesirables out there? On the news? In the pubs? Men who you would cross the street to avoid? Men who are menacing, stare at you, make you feel uncomfortable without actually doing anything? Well ANY of those could be a "new dad", entitled to lie down less than three feet from you (and your newborn). How do you get them removed if they make you feel uncomfortable? Don't you think the mother would wade in to have them stay and you could end up with a row on your hands with other women on the ward? Being a new dad does NOT make someone respectful and pleasant and ANYONE who thinks that new dads automatically are respectful and pleasant needs their heads testing.

What if a "new dad" comes in slightly worse for wear? Argument with security re his "right" to stay the night with his partner and their new baby?

There ARE men out there who would be peeking through curtains if they got the chance. Listening into the conversations about maternity pads, lochia, wounds, stitches, swollen parts, breastfeeding, cracked nipples and all the other associated things that women experience after birth. Even if they didn't try to listen in it's unavoidable with just a dividing curtain.

What about the toilets? Do you think all the men will bother using the "guest" toilets or will they be clogging up the maternity bathrooms because they will be situated conveniently nearer?

The noise (conversations) about who's doing what, your turn now, here you hold him. The dads chatting amongst themselves in the kitchen.

If there is EVER a campaign to have dads sleep in NHS general maternity wards for the night I will immediately set up a counter compaign!!! It is the most ill advised idea.

I agree with the posters that said their dh's needed to rest. Yes the ward was noisy, and light and the midwife's busy but the only time I had any real problems was at the changeover when they aren't available for a short time.

I thought before the birth that I would want dh with me all the time, but I was knackered and so was he.

also WRT the locks that only midwives can open. surely that defetas the purpose of having buzzers that they wear? they would still then be running every five minutes to let someone is or out.

I meant locks on the outside doors, to prevent baby-stealing, but yes, it would definitely mean more rushing about for the poor midwives.

Although, that's a job that any member of staff could do... In my dream world, there's plenty of healthcare assistants to go round.

At my hospital, there is a security desk at the entrance and they buzz you in and out not the midwives, is that what you mean booyoo?

I'm also a midwife and thankfully on our PN wards there are no plans to have a free for all overnight visitors. We can at our own discretion let partners stay overnight but only in single rooms, preferably with en suite, although we don't have many of those and you usually have an additional 'need' if you are placed in one of these rooms, such as having a poorly baby in SCBU or being Ill yourself. I have to agree that not all dad are naice upstanding individuals, there are the demanding, rude, noisy, controlling ones, we've had men kick off violently, make sexist remarks and wander round in a state of undress. We've had men during visiting hours kick their partners out of bed so they can lie down because they are tired and have even had men engaging in sexual activity on the ward. Staffing levels during the day are higher so we are able to deal with such activity a little bit more easily but at night when there are only 2 midwives and limited security it becomes a massive headache, we get intimidated too! Having said all that on our birth centre it was built with partners in mind, each individual labour room is equipped with a double sofa bed so partners may stay and women don't have to endure busy postnatal wards. We find it does cut sown on the amount of buzzers but then these women tend to be healthy following a normal delivery. More private rooms would be lovely but they'd still get filled with women who have a genuine need for them as opposed to those who would just like their partners to stay.

yes i know that's what you meant, but again, it's still midwives/nurses having to open them, and probably further to go so longer away from their patients. there just aren't surplus staff floating about available to do door duty in hospitals for people that dont need to be there 24/7.

I understand that you wouldn't want loads of randoms around when you've just given birth, especially when having your stitches checked , but I needed the support of DH after I had a difficult delivery with DS. The system in Belgium is way, way better - private room, 5 days in hospital after birth, loads of attentive midwives on the wards, DH can spend every night there if you want. Would def. recommend a trip on the Eurostar when your contractions kick in!

Can my mum stay in with my dad whilst he has his prostrate done please? He is her sole carer and she doesnt want to be on her own. No? Exactly! For those who say this is different to the birth of a new life then the reason you are actually in hospital and not at home is because this is a medical issue. You are there because you need some sort of medical care. as soon as you don't you are discharged. I never had the luxury of a private or side room but was bundled in a busy ward and the last thing i wanted was anyone else wandering around. perhaps those people who want their partners in with them should pay for a private room then we would all be happy.

Yes booyhoo, I'm now seriously doubting the feasibility of the whole idea!

It keeps coming back to more midwives/private rooms.

MammaBrussels - that's private though. The NHS isn't (sorry to state the obvious).

I would have bloody hated this. The bloke with the woman in the bed opposite me stared at me when I was bfing the whole time he was there. I didn't feel comfortable going to sleep until he got kicked out by security (an hour after visiting hours had finished). It is hugely inappropriate

I can see both sides of this.

When I had DS3 a couple of months ago, it would have been lovely to have had DP there and I know he had to almost tear himself away from his PFB at kicking out time. It also would have been invaluable to have had someone in my corner when the one midwife I saw all night implied that if I continued to BF my DS lying down, she would consider it co-sleeping and as that was against hospital policy, she would be removing the crib to a 'safe' distance and the baby would be passed to me for a feed when she could get round to it.

It also would have helped the baby in the bed opposite me, whose mother announced (loudly and to every one of her many visitors) that she had done her bit by carrying 'it' and someone else could feed it now. At least the father showed an interest in the baby. I dread to think what would have happened had she stayed on the ward overnight and the father had to go home.

On the other hand, I was so glad when kicking out time came, even though it meant waving off DP, because it meant I also saw the back of the partner of the woman next to me who had no volume control, or swear filter, or couth at all. He was abusive to his partner, uninterested in his child and dismissive of the staff. He is certainly not the sort of person I would want to spend any time near at all and definitely not when I was unable to move away from the violence that threatened to start if his wife dared voice an opinion.

Just no fucking way! I don't like wards full stop, I don't want to share with any strangers man, woman or beast.

Wards are inhuman, undignified and germ spreaders - they need to go.

We were told we could book private rooms at cost. However if 'clinical needs' meant there were no private rooms available when the time came we would be on the ward with la battle to get a refund (majority payment in advance). If this allowance of male guests overnight became the norm, and I had no guaranteed choice of a private room I would not be at all happy.

Ps: I may get laughed at here but this just seems like the wants of men overtaking the needs/wants of women. The latter are the patients, surely they take priority! This thread alone shows the majority are against the idea, as a straw poll. How is this any different to a mixed ward?

I'm due at the end of April and am now going to check that both poss centres haven't instituted this.

I've never heard of this.

When DW gave birth to DSs I visted ante natal and then went home.

Why are men staying in ante natal?

Does anyone else's hospital offer a 4hour discharge direct from the labour ward? I'm just wondering if everyone who has posted above needed to go to a post-natal ward, even if it was the middle of the night?

Private room yes but tbh, he needs to get a good night's sleep so he's able to be of some use the next day