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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that 25 isn't that young?

134 replies

wannaBe · 14/11/2011 16:50

yes, thread inspired by a thread, but I've seen it a lot on here:

"she's only 25, give her a break." "he's only 20 something, it's still very young..." etc etc as if somehow one doesn't stop being a child or being able to take responsibility for one's actions until one is at least 30..

At 25 my parents had two kids, a mortgage and had emigraded half way across the world.

At 25 most people are holding down responsible jobs/many have mortgages/are in long-term relationships, etc.

And while 25 is young in comparison to 40, really, by 25 one should be mature enough to act responsibly, and 25 certainly shouldn't be an excuse-all age - eighteen maybe, but not 25...

OP posts:
Principality · 14/11/2011 16:54

Completely agree.

I think you can still let your hair down occasionally without people raising eyebrows, but on the whole you are a grown up and should behave as such.

SacreLao · 14/11/2011 16:56

I am 26 and don't feel young.

Then again I've been married, divorced, own a house, have 2 children one of which is disabled
and am 5 months pregnant with number 3.

Nothing like responsibility to make you grow up.

PeppaTwig · 14/11/2011 16:56

YANBU

ShatnersBassoon · 14/11/2011 16:56

I felt young when I was 25. I had a mortgage and kids.

Aislingorla · 14/11/2011 16:57

Agree!
I know 35 year olds that think and act like teens.

mumblechum1 · 14/11/2011 16:57

It's weird, isn't it?

I'm ancient 49 and at 21 had bought my first house and was planning my wedding. Now people don't seem to do that till they're mid thirties, and have kids really late as well.

I think it's a trickle down, so all these mid thirties people doing stuff I did 15 years earlier treat the early twenties people as though they were 14.

The good side of course is that people in their 40s and 50s are no longer considered totally ancient (present company excepted Wink)

squeakytoy · 14/11/2011 16:58

Depends on the context as you say. YANBU in the example you have put in the OP, but I know many people in their mid twenties really are not ready for settling down, and do so too early, and then wonder why it all went wrong.

Years ago most people had left school at 15, and been working for ten years, not in education until they were 20, and mortgages were much easier to come by. The cost of living was also much lower.

LaurieFairyCake · 14/11/2011 16:58

I felt young when I was 25 - I was trying 'life' on for size even though I owned a home and had a partner.

I was treated like a child in the workplace, patronised by just about everyone.

I didn't feel confident at life until i was in my 30's.

VFVF · 14/11/2011 17:04

I'm 26 and ancient! Although my brother says I've been 26 for about 15 years now!

At 21 I had a mortgage, and got married.
At 22 I had a responsible job.
At 24 I had DD.

All quite 'grown up' things, HOWEVER not many of my old school chums have children, and most of my 'mum' friends are a little older than me, having chosen to have kids in their early thirties. So perhaps the twenties are becoming more about finding your feet rather than starting the big responsibility things?

NinkyNonker · 14/11/2011 17:04

I agree. I was at Uni, but self supporting having already worked for a number of years. I then went on to full time work for a multi national and buy my own place at 26...I didn't feel that young!

Aislingorla · 14/11/2011 17:05

I suppose I 'had' to grow up at 26, having become a Mother.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 14/11/2011 17:05

I had my first mortgage at 18, married at 18 and had children in my early twenties. I felt oldish at 25. I am responsible but I still like to have the odd occasion where I can go out and get completely ratarsed drunk and let off steam.
Although when I'm 45/50 I have no doubt that I'll think of people that are 25 as young.

NoSeriously · 14/11/2011 17:06

YANBU

Firawla · 14/11/2011 17:06

yanbu! as a 25 yr old i would find that attitude a bit insulting tbh, its not about if you feel old or young but if they make out being that age is an excuse to act like an idiot

mummymccar · 14/11/2011 17:07

I'm 24, am pregnant, planning a wedding, long-term partner, 3 cats, and our own home. I feel old!
I completely agree with Laurie though - I've found that people in their 20s are still treated like teenagers in the workplace. I found this to be particularly bad in schools where it seemed to be split into two parties - the ones with children of their own who were treated like adults, and the ones who didn't have kids who were treated like kids. It was so bad at one school that we had to complain to the Head as everyone without children was being excluded from meetings. Really bizarre.

NinkyNonker · 14/11/2011 17:07

But equally, I agree with Laurie too.

DamnBamboo · 14/11/2011 17:08

It isn't that young.
Age is just a number and some people never grow up and others are born old.

It's just the way it is.

northernwreck · 14/11/2011 17:08

I was a total dingbat at 25, with no sense of responsibility at all. It was fucking ace.

wifey6 · 14/11/2011 17:09

I'm a 25 year old wife & mummy who holds down two jobs & runs a household. Responsibility makes you grow up...but some people do not embrace adulthood til much later on.

Bunbaker · 14/11/2011 17:10

It's all relative though. I am 53 so I think of someone in their 20s as being young enough to be my son/daughter, although I hope I would never be patronising towards them.

Sometimes I see posts on here from young women in their 20s agonising over having to wait a year or two before having a child. Under those circumstances I would think "what's the rush" (medical problems apart)

I got married at 22 but didn't have DD until I was 41. Until then I felt young, now I just feel a bit more boring grown up.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 14/11/2011 17:11

I'm 25. I feel ancient.

Hate it when people use the "but he/she is only about 20 they can't help being selfish/immature/generally a twat". Just seems to be a licence to never grow up imo.

TheScarlettPimpernel · 14/11/2011 17:11

I have a 25 year old colleague.

She is very, very, very young.

She is far younger than I was at 25, IYSWIM.

SHe is constantly looking at me with huge brown eyes: "wow!!! how do you know that stuff! It's like....you know EVERYTHING!!!!"

Things I know include:

a) how to pay a cheque into a bank
b) that sparkly bits on clothes are called sequins, not sequences
c) that if you cough and there is phlegm, you don't necessarily have bronchitis
d) that Red Bull is a stimulant and there's no point giving up caffeine and drinking Red Bull Hmm
e) that gluten free is not the same as low fat

I should add that she is well educated in a particular profession

It drives me BARMY. I am only 6 years older than her but feel like her grandmother. I swear to God I knew all of that when Iw as about 13.

so yes - 25 can be positively infantile, bless 'em. But at 25 I was mentally and physically about 40.

wifey6 · 14/11/2011 17:12

Grin at desperately comment!

KalSkirata · 14/11/2011 17:15

definately adult. At that age I had 3 kids, husband and a mortgage. I liked going out for a good time but did not behave like a drunk teenager.
People in their 20's now seem to be acting like kids for much much longer!

CarrieInAnotherBabi · 14/11/2011 17:17

yanbu ffs i had a morgage to pay at 22!

grow up young people of today you big babies !!!
pGrin

ah that felt good...