to think that 25 isn't that young?

[wannaBe]

yes, thread inspired by a thread, but I've seen it a lot on here:

"she's only 25, give her a break." "he's only 20 something, it's still very young..." etc etc as if somehow one doesn't stop being a child or being able to take responsibility for one's actions until one is at least 30..

At 25 my parents had two kids, a mortgage and had emigraded half way across the world.

At 25 most people are holding down responsible jobs/many have mortgages/are in long-term relationships, etc.

And while 25 is young in comparison to 40, really, by 25 one should be mature enough to act responsibly, and 25 certainly shouldn't be an excuse-all age - eighteen maybe, but not 25...

I live in Devon, (dont want to say more than that). It was easier back then and I got a flat for 54k which now is worth double. We live in another property now that we got on self cert in 2006 as we had a 15% deposit from the sale of the old place.

We also lied and said we made more than we did as at the time we were both doing degrees, and my husband had a part time job at a shop and I worked at a minimum wage job to. We did have to stretch ourselves for a couple of years on fixed rate but now all the mortgages have gone down so our mortgage is still cheap with quite a bit of equity. Want to sell though soon for somewhere bigger again but dont want to put it up at the moment as nothing is selling.

I did this in 2003 though and things are different now, and I hope it becomes easier again to get mortgages for people like you and to keep the market moving.

YANBU.

hardboiled I didnt have much more than that for my first but we had about 10 times our income for our second place but we lied (like everybody else did back then!) and then just lived very minimally but we were students so we didnt care just getting drunk on cider and eating pasta and cheese and partying! It wasnt 3 years ago I am 27 now.

25 is very young. Nothing wrong with that, and it's not in itself a barrier to making important and life-changing decisions. But it's young, and should be appreciated/enjoyed/respected/understood as such.

I'm 25, I have 1 child and one en route, I own my own house and am married.

I get told all the time I'm "young" and especially on MN "Ohhh you're 25, that explains a lot .

I know I'm young when I get ID'd in Tesco and am FURIOUS about it and not flattered. You're only flattered if you're old. Init?

Molly - you must either have a good set of on-hand baby-sitters or your children are that much older, to be able to go out and live the sort of life I was leading in my 20s and early 30s.

My ILs are on the other side of the world and my Dad a 6-hour drive away, so we don't exactly have baby-sitters on tap. Plus, my two are 1 and 2 - not exactly great craic on an impromptu weekends away and late night's out. Maybe I'll feel a bit differently about things when they're older but I won't lie, the way life is right now I do sometimes miss my old life.

TeWihara - the world has always had its fair share of penniless types on the backpacker and partying trail, I know, I was one of them for a while. The current recession is just a blip, and is hardly going to change that irrevocably...!

When I was 22 I had a very responsible job, lived in my own flat, was financially independent.

My eldest is 22 - he and his friends seem a lot younger than I was at the same age. I think lack of financial independence / inability to afford their own home has a lot to do with it.

I am 55 and my daughter has informed me that I am not to sing/dance/embarrass her at any parties or events we attend together. . I still feel young(ish) (although my knees are about 90 years old ).

Slinking - yeah got the hands on any time babysitters, I think maybe that makes the difference.

Hmm... Maybe!!

My in-laws are over from Ireland for two months in Jan and Feb, and instead if dreading the long stay, I can't wait as it means on-tap baby-sitting for two whole summer months!

It is very tough not having that - my Dad comes up if we need him, but 6-hours drive is not drop-of-the-hat stuff.

Appreciate what you have, is all I say!

I'm the last one in the world to impose a timetable on What Stuff Anyone Should Have Done By Age X - am having my first baby at 39, which is 300 years too old for some people, though I'm very happy with it - but I teach at a university and do get taken aback, not just by the juvenile way my students act, but by the fact that they don't regard themselves as adults. (And I don't just mean first years here - I mean finalists and MA students, who would average anywhere between 21 and 24/5.)

I had one finalist a few years ago who offered as an excuse for missing a 9 am class that her mother hadn't phoned her from her home city to make sure she got up in time. Apparently her mother usually did this daily, and had unaccountably derelicted in her duty that day.

And quite a few of them don't get that as they are adults, I won't be chasing them for missed essay deadline or absences, and when I say 'You're an adult in 3rd level education, so I'm assuming you've chosen to be here - what you choose to do is up to you, I don't mind either way', I get a lot of shocked faces, seemingly because that's an uncomfortable truth. It suits them to think I am the grown-up, therefore I desperately want and need their essays/attendance. Personally, I don't care whether they spend their evenings writing essays or running around town pissed with traffic cones on their heads, but it depresses me a bit that they still think of themselves as children who aren't accountable for whatever their choices are. Extending childhood until the age of 25 doesn't benefit anyone.

At 22, I was a qualified doctor, so I always find these comments strange too.

How on Earth can you be a qualified doctor at 22? What kind of doctor are you?

her mummy hadnt called?

Agree. The trouble is, people behave like overgrown kids for longer these days - they stay in education longer then can't necessarily get a decent job or get on the housing ladder, so they carry on living with parents and pissing all their money up the wall like they were still eighteen.

The attitude is different.

I don't know any penniless backpackers. We were bought up on the expectation that it was okay that we were getting into debt for our degrees because we would earn well on the back of it. That you should always buy a house before you have children... It is a depressing time to be young for a lot of people. It might get better, but it might not.

Having said that, I am enjoying very much having my career break for babies earlier, I like being married, DH's work do actually seem to appreciate him and are keen to promote him so things are getting much better for us. I don't think I would be happier aimlessly travelling the world.

At 25 I was married with 3 children, I wasnt unusual amongst the people I know. I am average or older than most of the mums in my sons class and he was born when i was 23.
My stepsister is 21 and tbh she acts alot younger than i would expect - not in a pathetic I hate my stepsister way, she is amazingly clever in her last year at uni and about to go into a fab job (much better than anything i have ever had!) and yet she still needs my dad and stepmum to do basic things like pick her up so she doesnt have to get the coach or help her pack etc.

At 25 I was married, owned a house in suburbia, had one child and had just given up my career to be a sahm.

I was never told I was 'young' to do any of this.

I don't think it's really a choice between being a mature 25 year old with a mortgage, two kids and a husband, and an immature 25 year old who spends all their time partying and doesn't take any responsibility for themselves (at least I hope not). I'm 24 and single, having to move cities most years to follow jobs in my chosen career, which I love but is very low paid - there's no way it would be practical to have kids or a mortgage (which I'd never get on my salary anyway, especially in the South). Most of my friends are in similar situations, and I don't really know anyone who I would class as immature - but also I only can think of one couple who have a mortgage. Also, people who go back and live at home with their parents rarely do it for the wild lifestyle - mostly it's because they lose their job, or are trying to get better qualified but can only afford the fees if they live at home, or they are actually trying to save for a deposit on a house by not paying rent. People of our age still feel young, but more in a 'worried about the future/haven't got a permanent job/never going to be able to afford a house and family' kind of way!

At 25 I had yet to meet my DH. I was working full-time, living in a flatshare in London and probably not as mature as I could have been. I was even less mature when I travelled a bit at 23. If I meet someone now who is 25 with a mortgage and children I think of them as being much more grown up than I was.

Also remember going to an exhibition of newspapers in London and it said some paper was targeted at "a married couple aged 28 with two children living in Reading". A couple that age with two children would be seen as very youthful now I think!

I'm also a bit surprised to come across posts in which 25-year-old mums feel that they're the only ones of their age breastfeeding (it being something that is often seen as the preserve of thirtysomethings). 25 is youngish to be a mum nowadays, but it's not exactly teenage parenthood.

Slinking - that is a shame you are all far apart but you can still get your husband to do stuff. My husband is used to looking after ours why us girls our out on our mad ones and weekends away.

I don't actually think that being married, having a mortgage, or even having kids earns you maturity.
I was married-was def not mature! Having a mortgage can be because your parents lend you the deposit, or you happen to be in an industry that pays well. And it doesn't take a genius to get knocked up, does it?

Growing up is about realising that you are not the only person who matters, having a sense of perspective, rolling with the punches, knowing who you are and taking responsibility for your actions.

Many many people are 25 with kids and mortgages and not actually that "grown up" so it's a red herring for me I'm afraid.

I became a parent in my twenties, my sister recently became one for the first time in her forties, but she has always been the grown up one even if I do hate to admit it. I am getting there. By fifty I may be a real adult!

25 is young, my son is 23, no kids only just left Uni, got his own rented place with a friend.

I had a child at 25 and still think it was too young. I never grew up till I was 30 that is when I finally realised that what happened after 30 was how my life would be shaped not what happened before.

I was at least 45 by the time I was 25

Exactly Fabby.

This thread is making me sad.

I'm 23 (24 in Dec) and am one of the graduated into the recession lot. I live in a house share, am doing post grad study, and am constantly worried about paying my rent. DP is 23 too, finished his masters over a year ago and is still living at his parent's and working in a coffee shop.

When we graduated we thought we'd be living together by now and have our first careery type jobs.

I don't know how my generation is meant to afford mortgages and babies :(

(sorry that really was just a whinge wasn't it?)