to think that DH needs to lower his expectations?

[MissIngaFewmarbles]

Before we got together DH used to have a staggeringly well paid media job in London. When he and is ex split they both moved back home to be with their respective families and DH had to take a much lower paid job. Then he met me, I've never 'had money' IYSWIM. Between us we have 4 DC, he earns good money but it's still a bit tight every month.

Aaaaanyway, to the point, I asked him what he wanted for Christmas and he said he would like a new wallet, lovely I thought, I can find something really funky. Then he says that he only really wants a replacement Paul Smith one (they cost £140ish). This is higher than our usual budget for each other and TBH I just feel it's too expensive for a frigging wallet. AIBU to think he's still trying to live on his old salary and should get over himself, or am I being tight?

Does he know how much they cost? Seems a bit silly to me if you can't afford it. Can you go halves with his mum?

Chipping -- Yes but he could cut back on one of his usual expenses (cheaper lunches or something), save 5 or 10 quid a week, and get it for himself in a few months.

I think gifts should be mostly about the receiver, but I would personally feel bad asking my DH to get me something he thought was naff.

well, do you have separate finances?

DH also has 'expensive tastes, but stuff lasts for decades' attitude - it's his birthday this week and the only thing he wanted/needed was a replacement pair of hiking boots (replacing the ones he'd had for 6-7 years). He knew my budget was £60, but the ones he wanted are £150 - rather than me get him something else and them him going to buy those anyway, we went to get them together, I paid £60 and he paid the balance.

If your DH really wants that wallet, and not another one, then tell him you only have a £30 budget this year, would he prefer to get something else (and buy the wallet himself), would he like you to give him £30 worth of vouchers for a shop that sells it and he can buy it in the new year (hopefully in the sales) with other Christmas money, or would he like to pay the difference now and have his wallet on Christmas day?

However this only works if you have separate finances. I wouldn't give him an option of just blowing the budget.

Longer term, if he wants the lifestyle, you might want to think about moving back to London and earning the money to fund it.

if its higher than your usual budget then just tell him now you know he wants a wallet you'll get him one within budget

You can get nice enough wallets for about £50, no need to spend £140 on a poncey wallet just because its Paul Smith (I thought PS was for chavs anyway?)

oh, and 5 years isn't a long time for a wallet to last! If you're spending that sort of money, you should get longer than that from it. To put in perspective, I spend about £100 10 years ago on DH's wallet, it's still looks fine.

Could you suggest for that budget, Smythson would be better, and might be a bit more 'classic' and 'hard wearing' (my leather purse from M&S has lasted longer than 5 years and still looks good FFS).

Oooh Molly, if I use the 'c' word that might swing it

Cannot/would not ever move to London, contact arrangements for our DC wouldn't allow it, also neither of us want to, almost all our friends and family are here.

I said upthread that we have joint finances as I'm currently at college.

No, really not a good idea sorry.

what isn't a good idea? the wallet or my idea about the pic of me?

Do you want his friends, your dc, etc seeing you naked, however tasteful?

Is this the Mnet where people scrape by on £50 worth of food every week?

YANBU. £140 is way to much fir a wallet. I've never spent anyway near that much on a handbag or a pair of shoes. But maybe as another poster has said perhaps your DH doesn't realise how expensive it is. Just tell him it's way over budget.

He would never show anyone, if I thought he was the sort of man that would do that I wouldn't be with him.

Married, until DH got his promotion earlier this year we were in exactly that situation.

well, if joint finances, then go with vouchers for a shop that sells it and he could ask for vouchers for that shop from all his family, put them together and get the wallet. (which hopefully will go in the sale) but I really wouldn't spend that much on a wallet that will only last 5 years.

I would OP, honestly everyone I know thinks that PS is chavtastic, you can especially tell around here because its the most ripped off brand (after Juicy Couture of course )

Im a bit amused at the idea of a wallet being an investment, ITS A WALLET. Its essentially an extension of a trouser pocket, and they are free!!

Infact OP I bet I could get you a nice copy of that wallet for about £20, tell your DH that, I bet his face will look like hes been poo tached

I actually disagree with most posters - you're not in debt, he has had a promotion, he will get you lots of lovely pressies, why shouldn't he get the thing he wants?

You might think it's a big waste of money, but it's about him not you. Find something of a similar value which you would like and ask for that - he'll be delighted.

Of course, if he's genuinely trying to live outwith his means and debt is involved, then you have more to worry about than a wallet.

I wouldn't be over the moon if my dh got me a cheaper handbag and a photo of himself instead of something i wanted. I would have the pics done for yourself if you really want them but i'm not sure i'd give them as part of his christmas present.

People would see every time he opened his wallet. He wouldn't have to show it to anyone.

It is a dreadful wallet (even ignoring the price tag). I'd laugh a DH if he wanted a wallet with a cartoon of a naked lady on it. And I'd make jokes about him getting a real doll with an anime head next.

Just because everyone else thinks it's tacky it's ridiculous to say get him something else. It's what he wants.
Completely agree with Hugo.

My DH was bloody love it if he got a flash of side boob in photo form for Christmas. He'd think it was, well, Christmas

I agree the present is for him, no one else. But if you think no one else will see the photo, then either DH never opens his wallet or he cups his hands around it whenever he does.

I don't think getting him a different wallet with a pic of you is a great idea if he has his heart set on the hideous wallet. The picture is a nice idea in itself though. Personally if I want a particular thing that's what I want, not a substitute.

Just had a look on the Mr Porter website, and their wallet selection ranges from £63 to just over £1,500, so at least he is aiming towards the lower end of the price range ;)

Also think it is very tacky but there are some going on ebay for between 60-90 quid (check completed transactions) so you could get it quite a bit cheaper if it is really the only thing he wants.

As long as he is not like this about everything - he does need to start living within your family's means

You see, if it's at all possible (doesn't mean the kids don't get presents, you sacrifice the Xmas turkey) I'd buy him the wallet he wants even if you and the rest of Mnet think it's a stupid idea and a waste of money. Because if he gets a cheap wallet instead, he will look at it every single day and think..this is what my life has come to, can't even afford a proper wallet.
And hideous as this wallet may be, it's his taste and maybe it will make him smile ever time he uses it.