to think that DH needs to lower his expectations?

[MissIngaFewmarbles]

Before we got together DH used to have a staggeringly well paid media job in London. When he and is ex split they both moved back home to be with their respective families and DH had to take a much lower paid job. Then he met me, I've never 'had money' IYSWIM. Between us we have 4 DC, he earns good money but it's still a bit tight every month.

Aaaaanyway, to the point, I asked him what he wanted for Christmas and he said he would like a new wallet, lovely I thought, I can find something really funky. Then he says that he only really wants a replacement Paul Smith one (they cost £140ish). This is higher than our usual budget for each other and TBH I just feel it's too expensive for a frigging wallet. AIBU to think he's still trying to live on his old salary and should get over himself, or am I being tight?

I'm going to be honest...

that wallet is hideous and I would never pay £140 for it.

If you can maybe stretch your budget to it, then he might be entitled to a treat if he treats you to lots of nice things each year AND he got a promotion this year.

I just wouldn't invest in that particular item, but men have their tastes and each to his own.

A good quality wallet can last years too, so maybe you could consider it an investment?

Call Paul Smith in Bicester and see if they have something suitable.

Cos this is roughly what he wants

does he actually KNOW how much it costs?

Oh it is hideous, what IS he thinking?

yes he does because he bought himself one a few years back, he wants a like for like replacement

But if you have the money and that's what he wants then it doesn't really matter if you think it's too much money for a wallet.

My Dh doesn't understand lots of things that I want or spend money on but they aren't presents for him, they are presents for me so it really doesn't matter.
It probably doesn't seem a shame to him.

He is thinking it is cool, I am not but it is his wallet. If it wasn't outrageously expensive I wouldn't even hesitate to buy it for him. Not my thing but hey.

I would rather have one present I really wanted than a pile of stuff I didn't really want, just for the sake of unwrapping a load of gifts.

Every man I know is ridiculously picky about the internal configuration of their wallets. Any attempt to buy a substitute would be a waste of money.

If you can afford it, I'd get it.

God what a stupid wallet....
Get him one of those pens where you turn it upside down and her dress disappears, to go with it.

£140 for a wallet does seem a lot, but the fact is, if I could remotely afford to, I'd blow that and MORE on a handbag...ohhh yes.

If it's his heart's desire and he'd be happy with just that for xmas then I say let him have it.

I know lots of Managers working these kind of hours, at the moment.
My husband is an Operations Manager and he does. And I know loads and loads of Managers, my friends husbands etc, who are doing this. Purchasing Managers, Managers in Finance. It just seems to have become expected.
And unlike Op, these Managers are not at the begining of their careers. putting in the hours now, in order to get the 60k, then 80k, then 100k, then the 150k, promotions. These Managers are bog standard and their salaries aren't going to change that much. It just seems to have become expected these days, as the norm.

apologies, wrong thread.

fair point dragons, it's just all the things that I have mentioned I would like as gifts are quite small in value and I would feel really odd just handing him one tiny parcel IYSWIM, especially as we are going to be at the ILs.

That is one hideous wallet!

We're all talking as if the only way he could possibly get this monstrosity wallet is as a Christmas gift. If you don't like it and think it costs too much, then I'd be suggesting he save up for it on his own and get it for himself.

I myself want some stupidly boring academic books, but I know DH doesn't want to get me something like that for Christmas so I'll be buying them myself.

compare.ebay.co.uk/like/370553601458?var=lv&ltyp=AllFixedPriceItemTypes&var=sbar

If you have A budget of £100 there are a few on ebay bnwt. This one is £113 with postage. So buy it and then don't give him any meat with his dinner for the next three weeks - that should make up the difference.

I can see his point about having a nice quality wallet that will last for a long time, and it is the only accessory my dh has tbh, but if he has a smaller salary and a large family, what the hell is he going to keep in it? The wallet will be worth more than the contents!

My friend tried to persuade me to buy a Louis Vitton suitcase when shopping in an outlet centre once - it would have cost more than double the value of the any clothes I'd have packed in it!!

If that is what he wants that is his issue that he is only getting one present, and you shouldn't feel odd at all.

However that wallet is ghastly!!! It's like something that bloke I am a celebrity get me out of here would have ( the Essex one)

I have bought my dh a wallet that cost around that amount (my decision) 6 years ago, just all leather, he still uses it now, so it was worth the investment.

I'm also imagining him opening that thing in front of all the ILs and your DC. Cut to you: 'Yes! That's the only thing I bought my DH, a naked lady wallet! Classy ain't it?'

If that's what he really wants and you can afford it, i would get it. I would far rather something I really wanted than a pile of stuff I didn't. Perhaps you can get him something smaller for his birthday next year, or make this a combined Christmas/birthday present. If you really don't want the budget to stretch to that then explain that and ask him to get it himself.

It doesn't matter how hideous or poor value YOU think it is - that's not what gifts are about.

Agree - the wallet is hideous, but hey ho, if that is what he likes. But if you can't afford it, tell him.

Ew, just had a look. Tacky. But my comments stand - gifts should be about the receiver, not the giver.

It is pretty horrible, but that's irrelevant isn't it, it's his present (or not) not ours.

MissInga - I understand what you are saying, but if it's what he wants and you can stretch to it, then I would. There's no point in getting him a bunch of stuff just so he has lots to unwrap if it's not what he wants. To me, that's a waste of money. If you feel bad in front of the inlaws I'm sure you can find an apropriate time to say 'Can you believe those wallets are £140?? I would have loved to have bought xy & z, but DH really wanted it'

Dreaming -that really only works if they have separate finances though doesn't it. If they have shared finances then he'll just be getting Christmas presents and the wallet later.

Shared finances as I'm back at college so not earning. Does anyone think the pic of me in a nice wallet is a good idea?

I know at least two guys in my immediate circle with that same wallet. They are definitely popular, in my opinion a bit too popular, I prefer something a little more subtle.