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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

about a doll's house.

153 replies

Cathycomehome · 13/11/2011 22:57

I own a very beautiful handmade doll's house, which was my Christmas present from my parents when I was 4 or 5. My friend, who is not terribly well off, needs a doll's house for her kids for Christmas. My son played with my doll's house when he was little, but is now eleven years old and obviously will not play with it again.My brother is expecting first child in January.

So it's MY doll's house, but I store it at my mum's as I have no use for it and she has a big house.

I told my friend she can have it on a long term loan, no problem, and I might want it back later, so it's a long term loan. She was delighted.

Phoned my mum - she said "No way! It's a beautiful hand made piece, and I'm saving it for SIL's baby!" My friend is broke and needs a doll's house.I have one. It belongs to me. No one is playing with it. My brother's baby will not need it for at least 4 years, and my very responsible friend knows it is a loan,and has even offered to pay a deposit for it, which I have said there is no need to do.

I intend to lend it against my mum's wishes- am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Original poster
Cathycomehome · 14/11/2011 22:11

That person who said I was jealous never came back - or explained why s/he thought so - niggling me - do I seem jealous?

OP posts:
MirandaGoshawk · 14/11/2011 22:13

Agree with this -

I had a beautiful hand-crocheted wool blanket made for me by my auntie when my DTWs were born. I lent it to a dear friend for her first baby. When she gave it back to me she had washed it in a washing-machine and ruined it. Sad

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 14/11/2011 22:14

No you do not!

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 14/11/2011 22:15

Seem jealous that is!

thisisyesterday · 14/11/2011 22:15

no, you don't seem jealous to me, you seem like someone who is trying to do a lovely thing for as many people as possible.

you know your friend and her kids better than any of us here, so you know whether or not she will take good care of the house.
if you think she will then I say you should give it to her. Then when she returns it you can say "here, mother, the house is fine"

My mother has a propensity to get upset when I do things she doesn't like. But I can't live my life and bring up my kids how she wants me to, so sometimes she just has to go ahead and get upset and you know what? it pretty much always turns out just fine.

I think your mum really ought to be able to accept that lending a doll's hosue to someone isn't the end of the world and that she will get it back!

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 14/11/2011 22:16

thisisyesterday sorry. am getting unreasonably cross over this thread!

It happens to us all!

academyblues · 14/11/2011 22:17

I haven't read the whole thread, and I think it's lovely of you to want to loan your doll's house to your friend, but I'm not sure how I'm feel being a child who got a Christmas present that I knew I must be really careful of as it's not really .

youarekidding · 14/11/2011 22:31

I have no idea if your BU or not but I really want that pink dolld house from ADSA Blush

mjistearingherhairout · 14/11/2011 22:33

Pmd you re postage you'd be surprised how cheap it is

GerardWay · 14/11/2011 22:45

Family heirlooms have to start somewhere. I think this is it for the OP.

ZonkedOut · 15/11/2011 05:06

It's your dolls house, if you want to give it away, why not do it. If you'd got rid of it when it was taking up space in your house, before you had kids, it wouldn't be an issue.

As others have said, don't lend it as a Christmas present, but you agreed with that. But I don't see anything wrong in saying, if/when they grow out of it, could you have it back rather than them chucking it out.

ChippingInNeedsSleep · 15/11/2011 05:30

Ignore random comments that make no sense.

I can see your point completely and if it was my friend who I know would look after it I'd be bloody pissed off at my mother being so melodramatic about it.

However, your Mum is really upset about it and your friend doesn't want 'that' dolls house, just a dolls house, so if you ask me, the best solution is to leave that one at your Mum's and help your friend buy/acquire a new one.

I haven't read everyone else's reply (sorry) but have you tried the local paper or freecycle & charity shops. Ours always have dolls houses in them. Sadly I'm in the SE so can't help you find one.

CalamityKate · 15/11/2011 11:18

Ohhh... I think you sound very kind and lovely BUT if I were you I wouldn't give it away or lend it.

I know it's yours. I get that. But if I were your Mum I'd be hurt if you gave it away.

When I was 3, my parents bought me a tiny rocking chair because I was so fond of mum's. I've still got it. It's been reupholstered (badly) and my mum revarnished it when I had my DS and they hardly ever used it but it will leave this family either over my dead body or when the woodworm finally turns it into a pile of matchsticks. It was expensive but more than that it's got HUGE sentimental value. If I'd given it away my lovely mum wouldn't have kicked up a fuss but she'd have been upset, I think.

I'd keep the dolls house. It's not as if there aren't other options for your friend.

PrincessFiorimonde · 16/11/2011 00:58

I think you are very thoughtful. I do not think you are at all unreasonable. Why shouldn't your friend's children play with the dolls' house now? And then - IF you want to attach conditions - you lend it to your DB's kid(s) in a few years' time? (Though I agree it might be difficult to take the thing back if your friend's DC become attached to the toy, especially if it's given as a Christmas present.)

I absolutely agree with KurriKurri when she said this: 'To me its kind of bonkers that there's a dolls house sitting unused somewhere and there are some children who'd like to play with it, but people don't want to match them up.'

Your mother might feel nostalgic about her memories of you playing with it as a child. And about seeing your DS playing with it too.

But it's a TOY. Let children enjoy playing with it! It's not a diamond ring sort of heirloom to be passed down the generations.

(Might be different if your grandad or other family member made the thing, though)

Original poster
Cathycomehome · 16/11/2011 19:20

I've changed my mind again today, as ,all being well, (please God let all be well), I will be reclaiming the doll's house to put in my second child's room this Summer! Grin

OP posts:
AngelDelightIsIndeedDelightful · 16/11/2011 20:12

Congratulations Cathy!! Wishing you a very happy and healthy pg Smile

Original poster
Cathycomehome · 16/11/2011 21:00

Thanks! This is a turn up for the books after so long trying! (Very early days, so fingers well and truly crossed!)

OP posts:
LoveInAColdClimate · 16/11/2011 21:04

Aw! Lovely! Congratulations!

PrincessFiorimonde · 17/11/2011 11:03

Congratulations, Cathy!

springlamb · 17/11/2011 11:23

Oh congratulations!
I must admit through the thread I've been thinking 'it isn't for Cathy's friend or her SIL's baby, it's for Cathy's children and their children'.
I sold dd's wooden ELC dolls house at a bootsale earlier this year as she's outgrown it. But I won't be selling, loaning or anything the dolls house my sister built for her when she was tiny. I shall store it in the spare room until dd tells me what to do with it.
Although I may sneak in to play with it myself on the odd occasion, as I do. I love putting on all the lights and looking at it.

MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 17/11/2011 11:31

Ah! That's great so is! Congratulations! Grin

NoSeriously · 17/11/2011 15:15

It was your gift. It doesn't matter who made it or anything else, it was made and given to you, you aren't just the last in a long line of people to use it in your fmaily. It is your gift.

I wouldn't share it with friends though myself tbh just because I would save it for my kid's kids. But it's your to do what you will with it so go for it.

NoSeriously · 17/11/2011 15:23

Oh wow, just caught up congrats!

Chulita · 17/11/2011 16:00

Congratulations!

I was just coming on to say 'lend'/give it, it's yours to give and just as everyone's telling you not to lend a Christmas present, by saying your mum has a say over it is like saying that she 'lent' it to you when you were a child rather than giving it to you.

Anyway, hope all goes well for you over the coming months!

PelvicF1oorOfSteel · 17/11/2011 22:40

Congratulations! I can't think of a better way to have the decision made for you. Smile