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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

about a doll's house.

153 replies

Cathycomehome · 13/11/2011 22:57

I own a very beautiful handmade doll's house, which was my Christmas present from my parents when I was 4 or 5. My friend, who is not terribly well off, needs a doll's house for her kids for Christmas. My son played with my doll's house when he was little, but is now eleven years old and obviously will not play with it again.My brother is expecting first child in January.

So it's MY doll's house, but I store it at my mum's as I have no use for it and she has a big house.

I told my friend she can have it on a long term loan, no problem, and I might want it back later, so it's a long term loan. She was delighted.

Phoned my mum - she said "No way! It's a beautiful hand made piece, and I'm saving it for SIL's baby!" My friend is broke and needs a doll's house.I have one. It belongs to me. No one is playing with it. My brother's baby will not need it for at least 4 years, and my very responsible friend knows it is a loan,and has even offered to pay a deposit for it, which I have said there is no need to do.

I intend to lend it against my mum's wishes- am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
pictish · 14/11/2011 00:15

It matters because her mother did not make that big purchase for it to be given away to whoever!!

If I was the mother I'd be angry. Particularly if my son was expecting a child!

Sorry if that's bad or wrong...but it's NOT just a bargain doll's house from Asda - it's special and the OP should show some respect for that fact and keep it in the family! Imho.

MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 14/11/2011 00:21

I can't leave it Pictish....when the Mother made that purchase she made it to make her DD happy...I am sure she never thought "Now this HAS to stay in the family or I'll be angry"

And what has hr son and HIS child got to do with the OPs dolls house!? It's not the sons to give away!

I would not expect my brother to keep his collection of boyhood toys for MY kids! And some of them are very collectible now.

CheerfulYank · 14/11/2011 00:22

I don't know...my parents spent tons on an American Girl doll and accessories for me when I was little, and if my best friend (we have also been close for over 20 years) ever wants it/them for a future daughter, they're hers without a second thought.

OTOH if your mother truly loves it and wants it to be a family heirloom, that's hard.

auntiepicklebottom2 · 14/11/2011 00:23

it is not her mother's dolls house.

as the OP don't even want it anymore, then it is hers to do with what ever she wants.

when i buy the DC toy, it is thiers. I have given my DC toys away when they have outgrown them as babies, but as my son gets older (he is 5) it is up to him if he want to give his toys away.......which he has to his little sister and when she grows out of them, it is up to her what she decides

pictish · 14/11/2011 00:23

Fair do's ragdoll - we'll agree to disagree on this one I think.

her mother is going to be fuuuuurious....

Original poster
Cathycomehome · 14/11/2011 00:24

But it's my house, I have repaired it, and I have replaced all the furniture! OK , I will accept my mum has a point, but my very old friend has a need, or want , if you like, for a house that belongs to me, and I want to give some pleasure to a family that will struggle this Christmas,

OP posts:
MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 14/11/2011 00:36

Your friend will treasure it Cathy

pictish · 14/11/2011 00:40

with any luck....

MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 14/11/2011 00:54

.....but it doesn't matter if not...it's a thing...given with love. That's what matters. Smile

pengymum · 14/11/2011 01:06

My tuppence worth:
You can't lend a Christmas present. Anyway, you can't loan something like this - it WILL NOT be in the same condition in a few years time and there is no guarantee that you would get it back. Hmm
I would never ask for something back that I had given away! Gifts with conditions Confused

Your friend, however old and valued, does not NEED a dollshouse - it is a want.
The house belongs to you, as it was a present BUT it holds significant sentimental value to your MOTHER who would like it for her new grandchild.

I would get your friends children a new house (or a 'preloved' one from ebay/preloved/gumtree for Christmas and keep the family one for your niece/nephew.

Your friends children will be happy, your friend will be happy, you will have warm, fuzzy feelings and your mother will be happy - win win! Grin
Just think of the alternative scenario!

Pick your battles!
Brew

GreenEyesandNiceHam · 14/11/2011 08:37

Nice one OP Smile

MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 14/11/2011 09:02

pengy did you read the thread? I only ask because all you said has been said already and the OP has worked through it all and made her decision.

Bonsoir · 14/11/2011 09:03

Be very careful - I had a lovely handmade dolls' house and my mother let some other children play with it. They destroyed it.

Grumpla · 14/11/2011 09:16

I would buy your friend a dollhouse to give to her children.

Issues of potential damage / failure to return aside, I am not sure you can rely on her children "growing out of" the house! I played with mine (got really into building little furniture etc for it) pretty much until
I left home and I would have been DEVASTATED if it had been taken away before at least the age of 15! I would still have it at my house if I had room for it, as soon as my DS is big enough to cherish it, it will be coming to my house I hope (but this will have to be negotiated with my mum and sister!)

CarrieInAnotherBabi · 14/11/2011 10:08

oh i think your being mean to your mum and dn to be.

you coul easily get your friends children a second hand house,but your going to upset your mum when theres no need

you meanie, merry christmas to you!!

Floggingmolly · 14/11/2011 10:09

You are being very short sighted to assume it will come back to you in reasonable condition. It might, but what if it doesn't? If it was just an old toy I wouldn't think twice, but a family heirloom is a bit different.

pengymum · 14/11/2011 10:12

MumblingandBloodyRagDoll: I read most of it but missed the bit where OP had decided! Was late! I should have been in bed! Blush
Anyhow, its her house, her choice! Smile

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 14/11/2011 10:21

You know I was going to say that it's your house, and it's such a lovely thing wanting to share it like that etc etc.

But then I remembered the huge box of Brio we have in that attic that I could share with my dn soo (he's 18mo) but I won't because I'm keeping it for my grandchildren. DS is 11. Blush

Anyway, I'm glad you've made a decision - even though I can thoroughly see both sides to this.

attheendoftheday · 14/11/2011 10:25

If your mum wants your old dollshouse for her grandkids, would she swap it for another one (like the ASDA one) which you could lone to your friend?

Ultimately YANBU to do whatever you like with your own property.

idlingabout · 14/11/2011 10:35

YANBU - your dolls house, your decision. The OP is only temporarily storing at her Mum's house - all the rest of the time she had the house and maintained it.
And as for all the posters who have pointed out that her friends kids might break it - it is just as likely that her brother's kid will break it.

Clawdy · 14/11/2011 10:58

My daughter had a doll's house which she loved and played with for years,it is the memories of her pleasure I could never part with,and I imagine your mother feels the same. Sounds a bit sexist,I know,but your friend's boys will probably tire of it very quickly. My sister bought the same house for her two boys because she loved it,and within weeks it was ignored. Sad

HipHopOpotomus · 14/11/2011 11:02

YANBU, it's yours after all.
But before lending it out on long term loan I think you need to be prepared to perhaps not get it back, or for it to get damaged - it can happen to anyone!

4madboys · 14/11/2011 11:44

ooh ican see why you want to loan your dolls house BUT i can understand youre mothers pov and given that your brother is about to have a child i dont think its worht risking the house getting damaged. you could buy a cheap house for your friend and use the furniture which you say you bought? and then your friend can give you the furniture back at a later date, in the meantime she could buy bits and pieces as and when she can afford them.

on another note, that asda one is very nice and i am tempted to buy it to put away for my dd, she in only 11mth so a bit young for it! but my ds4 would love it as well! hmm

AngelDelightIsIndeedDelightful · 14/11/2011 11:57

I can see both sides. It's your house and you should be able to do with it as you please. It is a lovely gesture giving it to your friend.

I would be furious if I was your dm though. I never had a nice doll's house as a child and I always wanted one. As a result, I bought beautiful ones for my girls on their respective first birthdays. They have tremendous sentimental value to me. If they were given away by them instead of being kept in the family I would be hugely disappointed.

megapixels · 14/11/2011 12:32

Well it is yours to do what you want with it but I can understand your mother's POV as well. The doll's house may never come back in a usable state and her new grandchild would never have the pleasure of playing with a handmade toy that's been in the family for X number of years.

I had to laugh at the 'friend is too poor to afford a doll's house so I want to give her mine even if mum is furious' sentiment, no one's going to drop dead or be traumatised in any way at not having a dolls' house Grin.