to not understand the benefits of getting married?

[RitaMorgan]

Putting aside the romantic and religious reasons or the big party/lots of presents (lovely as that would be).

What exactly are the benefits of legally being married over just cohabiting, for a woman with children?

DP very definitely doesn't want to get married, I would quite like a big party/lots of presents but am not sure if there is any point to it beyond that.

AIBU? Should I be insisting on a trip to the Register Office?

So, essentially, the benefits are legal...

eminencegrise - children automatically inherit from their parents/parent's families where there is no will, regardless of marital status.

Next of kin is a red herring in terms of medical decisions. If you are unable to give/withhold consent because you're unconscious/incapacitated the doctors make the decisions NOT next of kin. Your opinion should be asked regardless of marital status.

All of you frothing at the mouth at illegitimacy being raised need to essential get over yourelves.

The LAW of this country and the legal defnitions haven't changed although the social mores have.

Despite the fact that something like 50% of children in this country are borne out of wedlock my social circle only contains one. That child is 2 and the parents are no longer together and the mother stood to lose a hell of a lot if she hadn't paid up for a very good solicitor.

Everyone else has their kids entitlements and parental responsibility and inhertitance and pension / insurance protection all sewn up. The people that don't are generally the socially disadvantaged (although obviously there are exceptions) and they are the ones we hear about one here. I think it is basically really sad that society is moving (yet again) in a way which fails to protect the most vulnerable.

I do wonder if it is the increasing cost of weddings that is making people forget quite why they want to get married.

For me it would be a dealbreaker kids= wedding ring or no longer in a relationship.

Troisgarcons are you actually talking out of your arse or does it just sound like it? I am "old" too but you're dangerously close to seriously angering me.
My children are as legitimate as yours you ignorant fool.

But they are still considered illegitimate, Rita. If there is a title to inherit, too.

Oh, FFS...

Smug marrieds. Cheerio.

that term just has such negative inferences, out-dated inferences, that i assumed the term itself was no longer in use. might aswell call them bastard children.

By definition, if they are born out of wedlock, they are illegitimate. Why does this bother you so much? It's only words just as marriage is a piece of paper, no?

And Lurker I assure you that "your social circle" is not the best example anything...not if your attitude is anything to go by.

Try not to think of the romantic side and just look at it as a legal contract. You don't even have to change your name...that's just a tradition. But the next of kin thing and all the other rights that go with being married make it worth doing. If it makes it easier for your DP just go for the register office option with 2 witnesses...that again makes it seem more of legal formality if he doesn't like the idea of a "wedding". Have the party at a later date.

When I got married in 1990, I think the whole thing, i.e. rings ,clothes , register office fees, food etc., came to no more than £500! We just had immediate family, (i.e. parents, siblings, their kids and grandparents) a photographer at the register office,and a 'reception' in our tiny 2 bed flat!! Our 'honeymoon' was dinner and an overnight stay in a nice hotel near Windsor (lol). We've been married for 21 years now.

If you've made the decision to be together,why not just get the legal formality sorted?

eminen Do you know what legitimate means?

eminencegrise - ok, but it's not going to actually make any difference to the lives of my children.

pink4ever - I understand there are legal differences, but I just want to know what the benefits of getting married are.

niceguy2 - so if DP and I made wills leaving everything to each other (we need to do this actually - have been meaning to just so arrangements for DS if we both die are clear) then everything would be covered?

now now, dont be rude Rita, throwing your toys out of the pram like that.

Can't help the moral boundaries we were brought up with and adhere to.

I see the carnage my sons friends go through with several steps and half siblings they cant hope to keep track of. New GFs and BFs brought in with yet another host of previous children. It's emotionally awful for them; this perpetual relationship changing every three or four years, and another set of half siblings.

Yes, Mumbling, I do. I do not understand why you are so bothered? What is it to you, you are so confident marriage is not for you, fine.

Have you seen the latest figures re divorce trois ??

not such a big difference is all goes well.

But if your husband dies, it might be his siblings who inherit (check this out, make wills)

If he would leave you, you are left with nothing (unless you are savvy and put the house in your name, for example). No right to alimony.

If he dies, and you're married, you can get his pension if he has worked more than you (I think

It all depends on the set up. if you are a SAHM, and something goes wrong, you are much better protected if you are married.

Haven't heard the term smug marrieds since bridget jones.

It's shocking how many women live with their partner, pay all the bills half and half, and have DP pay the mortgage (and title to the house) and then when it goes wrong, are left in the sh%t.

You don't have to get married, but you'll have to get it all sorted out ! the "common law wife" thing is a myth.

The thing wouldn't get if you're not married is a widows pension.

rita it would appear marriage gives you the right to be a smug git from the highest order of twattery.

think i'll pass

mumbling-I am not old-in my prime thank you very much! but I have to say I agree with other posters over the illegitemacy thing. Yes of course it is good that children no longer have the stigma attached to them like in days gone by.

I still believe it is far better for children to have married parents though. And I am far from a smug married! My marriage has had many ups and downs but we have stuck at it because we're married.

However having my dads name on my birth certificate would have saved me a lot of upset and embaressment growing up.

I wasn't being rude troisgarcons, but illegitimacy hasn't been a mainstream concern for decades.

OK, so just to get this clear. The legal benefits of marriage are:

*next of kin status
*inheriting without a will
*no inheritance tax (although this doesn't apply to me)

Any others?

this one explains the differences

Most people think that if you live with your partner for a couple of years you get the same rights as married couples. But this isn?t true. Couples who live together have hardly any rights automatically

On these pages we explain exactly what rights couples living together really have, and the simple steps they can take to protect themselves and their families from whatever the future holds

Really good summary of the enemies on this website www.adviceguide.org.uk/index/your_family/family_index_ew/living_together_and_marriage_legal_differences.htm

pink

just because you stayed together 'because you are married' doesn't mean you should have done.

I had to be talked into marriage, couldn't see the point , I was a child of messy divorce, already very much committed to my DP with 2 dc. I have to say love being married, it's hard work sometimes and i did have an initial panic BUT it is a nice comfortable feeling now. Much nicer when dealing with dcs schools hated saying 'partner'. The sparkly dress and big party did help me on the way to feeling like that .