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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to Confront my DD about this Poem?

117 replies

scotchpancakes · 10/11/2011 18:45

Regular poster but created a new account for this because a couple of people know me in RL and I don't want to embarass my DDGrin!

My DD is 15 and apart from the usual teen moodiness seems to be doing fine. Tonight, I find a few poems she's written left out on the kitchen table under her things that need parental signature. I can't help but think it was left for me to find because she's very secretive about her diary etc, keeping everything hidden away. I really don't know whether it's some sort of cry for help or whether I'm reading too much into it and will just bring a hail of "I can't believe you read it! I hate yous!" onto myself.

Some of the poems are more worrying than others but the one below kinda shows most clearly what I would be worried about.

A constant pitter-patter,
A source of gloom
Deep within.

It is entrenched
But softly drowned
Away. Uneasiness quenched.

A piercing bolt
That steadily grab hold,
Brisk with its jolts.

Relief. An encompassing contentment
Rises and sweeps away
Disbelief.

Limping onwards towards
Normality within reach
And soaring above
The shuddering rawnesss.

Truth at last.
Inescapable silence takes sway.

AIBU to confront her? Would you just leave it? I genuinely dont know what to do. Help!

OP posts:
pictish · 10/11/2011 18:47

Oh God - I too used to write angsty, dark poetry as a teen. It is very common, and if all else is normal, nothing to worry about.

JaneFonda · 10/11/2011 18:48

I would leave it; is it for school or is it something she's written in her free time?

Either way, she sounds incredibly articulate for fifteen and I certainly can't see anything you ought to be worried about - just proud that she can write so beautifully!

SandStorm · 10/11/2011 18:49

If she's seemingly happy I wouldn't say anything. I used to write stuff like that too at that age.

Although, is a very good poem.

RobynLou · 10/11/2011 18:49

sounds like pretty normal teen angst to me.

JaneFonda · 10/11/2011 18:50

And YY to having written angsty teenage poems!

RevoltingPeasant · 10/11/2011 18:50

Nah, writing self-involved, hyperbolic poetry is normal for a 15yo. If she's still writing it when she's 25 you can legitimately confront her over her literary taste but at this age, she's just experimenting.

Pendeen · 10/11/2011 18:51

Not sure if you are after literary or psychological advice here.

toddlerama · 10/11/2011 18:51

I think 'confronting' her is a bit unnecessary! If you think she left it there deliberately and wants to talk, you could bring it up in a "I saw some of your poetry" way and see how she reacts?

amistillsexy · 10/11/2011 18:52

This looks like the usual teenage angst to be honest, but it is good poetry! She has a talent, and maybe that is what you should start with, if you decide3 to talk to her, rather than the content of the poetry.

My 14 year old niece is, generally, quite happy-go-lucky for a 14 year old, but she's just written a song about suicide (!). I think it's just a way of dealing with 'big feelings' and new, existential ideas that they need to process in some way- what better way than poetry?

thisisyesterday · 10/11/2011 18:53

i'll be the voice of dissent and say that yes, i would bring it up.

like you say, it sounds as though she wanted you to see it.
and it also sounds as though it is talking about self-harming or something similar.

it doesn't matter how happy she "appears"... it could easily be a front.
I look back at my teen years and wish my mum had probed more and made me talk about what was going on (i self harmed for a long time, she had no idea)

if she left it there accidentally, maybe she'll be angry. but ultimately it's her responsibility for leaving it there.
if she left it on purpose then talking about it is absolutely the right thing to do

blonderedhead · 10/11/2011 18:53

Sounds just like the stuff I used to write as a teenager. I don't know if this is a good or bad thing though.

planetpotty · 10/11/2011 18:55

Scotch do you have any gut instinct as to what it's about?

It's very good for a 15 yo to be writing poetry at all, and I would guess a good release for her.

kerrymumbles · 10/11/2011 18:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
scotchpancakes · 10/11/2011 18:57

thisisyesterday's post is why I'm having difficulty with deciding what to do. It's most likely nothing but could be a very serious something iyswim Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
scotchpancakes · 10/11/2011 18:59

planetpotty I havent a clue! I dont know why there'd be a 'source of gloom deep within'!

OP posts:
HeresTheThingBooyhoo · 10/11/2011 18:59

not wishing to alarm you but that sounds to me like she has experienced self harming.

"A piercing bolt
That steadily grab hold,
Brisk with its jolts.

Relief. An encompassing contentment
Rises and sweeps away
Disbelief."

if it were my dc i would be talking about it.

skrumle · 10/11/2011 19:00

i think it reads like self-harming, but do you have any reason to think that she is?

i wouldn't "confront" but if you want to raise it with her then i think i'd just mention that you saw it, were impressed by it and ask her if it's for an assignment?

KatieScarlett2833 · 10/11/2011 19:02

normal teenage stuff

TeWihara · 10/11/2011 19:02

"The attributes and style of crap teen poetry. Must be written in a funky color of ink. Must include dominant themes of alienation, sexual ambivalence, self-loathing, death, et cetera."

I quite like your DDs though! Grin

Also, don't assume she left it out for you as a cry for help. My mum read all my rubbish poems when I forgot to hide them once, I was livid, she was the last person I wanted to read it. Sometimes when things are bothering you writing about it is all the therapy you need, it doesn't need to be great, it doesn't need to be read. It just needs to be written.

TeWihara · 10/11/2011 19:05

If you are worried about self-harming I would take her swimming tbh.

It is madly easy to hide (because there are so many things you can hurt yourself with) and easy to lie about too.

There is no harm in having a general chat checking up on her, is everything fine type way. But I really wouldn't mention the poem.

StrandedBear · 10/11/2011 19:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thisisyesterday · 10/11/2011 19:11

the way i see it you have nothing to lose by asking her about it.

if it wasn't meant to be there and she goes off on one about you reading her stuff you just say "oh, sorry, you left it out and i saw it and thought it was for me" or whatever. she'll get over it. it isn't like you've gone into her room and looked in her diary.

but if she does want you to read it and you don't ask her about it then the downside could be a lot worse iyswim?

i would just take it to her in a quiet moment and say "dd, did you mean for me to read this?"

GalaxyWeaver · 10/11/2011 19:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MerryMarigold · 10/11/2011 19:17

I was thining heroine, but maybe I am just too much doom and gloom. I would say (NB. I don't have teenagers, but I was one): "I found these poems with the stuff I needed to sign. I think they're really good. What's this one about?"

My Mum ignored far too many of my cries for help...
If you ask her if she meant you to read it, and the is in a teen phase, she may deny it. I would have denied a cry for help, but wanted so desperately someone to take control of me! (Wasn't involved in anything serious at all, just unhappy at school).

Rollon2012 · 10/11/2011 19:18

god, if your duaghter ever discovers this thread your a dead woman Grin