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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to Confront my DD about this Poem?

117 replies

scotchpancakes · 10/11/2011 18:45

Regular poster but created a new account for this because a couple of people know me in RL and I don't want to embarass my DDGrin!

My DD is 15 and apart from the usual teen moodiness seems to be doing fine. Tonight, I find a few poems she's written left out on the kitchen table under her things that need parental signature. I can't help but think it was left for me to find because she's very secretive about her diary etc, keeping everything hidden away. I really don't know whether it's some sort of cry for help or whether I'm reading too much into it and will just bring a hail of "I can't believe you read it! I hate yous!" onto myself.

Some of the poems are more worrying than others but the one below kinda shows most clearly what I would be worried about.

A constant pitter-patter,
A source of gloom
Deep within.

It is entrenched
But softly drowned
Away. Uneasiness quenched.

A piercing bolt
That steadily grab hold,
Brisk with its jolts.

Relief. An encompassing contentment
Rises and sweeps away
Disbelief.

Limping onwards towards
Normality within reach
And soaring above
The shuddering rawnesss.

Truth at last.
Inescapable silence takes sway.

AIBU to confront her? Would you just leave it? I genuinely dont know what to do. Help!

OP posts:
PootlePosyPumpkin · 10/11/2011 22:26

Having just re-read it, it could easily be about an abortion & the "truth at last" could be because she is telling you? But then again, it might just be a poem Smile. If there is something up & she has left the poem out for you to see on purpose then she will surely tell you if you enquire casually about it.

Ghoulwithadragontattoo · 10/11/2011 22:28

If pitter patter was rain it wouldn't be deep within though. Whereas a foetus would be. I don't think blood does go pitter patter either.

MissVerinder · 10/11/2011 22:29

Ooooh, I think it's quite good.

I was well popular at school, happy smiley 15yr old, but good lord, was I messed up! No one to blame, I just was, and I used to write poems like this (I would die of embarassment if I saw any of them now, though).

YANBU to want to speak to her about it, but maybe be constructively sneaky "Oh, DD, this is a great poem, are you studying this for English?" etc etc.

Ghoulwithadragontattoo · 10/11/2011 22:31

Yes I wondered whether truth at last might be telling OP. Talk to her about it.

MissVerinder · 10/11/2011 22:32

Also (sorry to double post) I would agree with those who say it could possibly be about abortion.

I've worked in teen sexual health for the last few years, and some of the descriptions are ringing bells in my memory.

badmammajamma · 10/11/2011 22:35

Hmm. My first impression was that it sounded like heroin. That might sound ludicrous, sorry, but I lost friends to heroin as a teen and the 'relief' from a shitty reality was the main justification given by them. However, this may be totally off the mark.

Or could be alcohol or anti D's?

I think it's important to investigate it a bit, she may be on the brink of making a very bad decision.

She is incredibly talented, though!

mumeeee · 11/11/2011 00:30

Agree with other posters. Seems fairly normal to me. DD2 has written poems similar to that. But they were for school and college.

ll31 · 11/11/2011 01:17

would talk to her definitely but would't necessarily think it means anything v serious for her, in her life.. hope all goes well

SlinkingOutsideInSocks · 11/11/2011 02:03

In hindsight maybe the OP hasn't handled this the right way by posting her DD's poem on here, but she's obviously really worried and wants advice and help. No need to flagellate her (especially whoever shouted 'outrageous' in CAPS Hmm).

I really try to keep the lines of communication open, even if you don't specifically raise this poem as an issue. Just reminders that you're there for her, always open to talking to her, on her side and would never judge her. Difficult to say those things without looking like you're worried about something, though.

Pitter patter to me is rain, and deep within being depression, but none of our interpretations are relevant, are they?! I have no experience of depression and certainly none of self-harm, but my first thought was self-harm when I read the poem. It is very good, I agree.

elfiro · 11/11/2011 05:12

So what did you do OP?

I agree with others who said that even if she is writing about self-harm/drugs/abortion/whatever it doesn't mean it's in relation to herself.

Just tell her you think it's really good and ask her what it's about.

Not exactly the same but my 8yo DS write a lot of quite deep poetry. Once he wrote one all about how he was a bad person and everyone hated him etc. I was shocked and upset initially (he happily showed it to me) but when I asked him why he had written that it turned out he was writing about an incident at school when some big boys were apparently mean to him and wouldn't let him join in a game. He was obviously processing all that and writing what he imagined the boys were thinking.

I'm glad I asked him as it put my mind at rest that he doesn't hate himself!

lifechanger · 11/11/2011 05:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FellatioNelson · 11/11/2011 05:52

Ok, have only read the OP, but I was expecting the poem to have evidence of underage sex or drugs or summat. That was a (rather good actually) pile of self-indulgent meaningless angsty teenaged twaddle with no specific content that should make you worry unduly or need to confront her. Chill.

FellatioNelson · 11/11/2011 05:56

OK, yes upon reading it a second time I can see a possible reference to abortion that I did get the first time around, but they are encouraged to explore their feelings about things like this all the time in RE and PSHE so it doesn't necessarily mean it's about her.

lifechanger · 11/11/2011 05:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FellatioNelson · 11/11/2011 06:13

Yes, I agree actually. I think the chances of her seeing this thread or being identified in RL by it are miniscule, but if it were to happen she would feel deeply betrayed and humiliated.

cumbria81 · 11/11/2011 06:22

I did exactly the same thing when I was 15! I wrote a poem that I was secretly rather proud of so left it out on my desk hoping my mum would find it. It was, if I remember, a poem about being a social pariah on the outside Blush.

My mum saw it as a cry for help and got very concerned. This fucked me right off, because all I wanted her to say was that it was a good poem, well done. Teenage girls like writing angsty things, it's probably not what you think.

libelulle · 11/11/2011 06:24

Though privacy aside, four pages of people talking about what a literary talent you have wouldn't be such an awful thing to come across! Op I don't know what the poem is about, but she left it on the kitchen table with papers meant for you. Hardly seems accidental to me. Talk to her!

FellatioNelson · 11/11/2011 06:25

But if it was left out with a pile of school letters etc., it might just be homework, and the theme may have been chosen for her. I think it's unlikely she'd leave it out if was meant to be personal and deeply private.

lifechanger · 11/11/2011 06:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
scotchpancakes · 11/11/2011 06:47

Sorry, was working a night shift so couldn't reply.

Thanks so much for everyone's help. I too had reservations about posting one of the poems but I couldnt think of any other way of wording it that allowed me to know how serious others' thought it was. I figured there is 0% chance of her finding it tbh. It's not like she browses mumsnet. Also, I had good intentions and I'm sure that counts for something. People have been so complimentary about it, I'm sure I'd be forgiven anyway Grin!

It seems you lot are as conflicted as I am about whether it has actual basis in anything! I plan to have a wee chat when DS isn't around and see where it goes. I'm really hoping it's nothing but people's different interpretations have led me to think about things I hadnt even considered. I definitely need to find out if anything's going on. Thanks again.

OP posts:
Ephiny · 11/11/2011 08:31

The other thing is that if she ever wanted to submit it to a competition or magazine or something, one of the criteria usually is that the work is unpublished - and being posted on a public website counts as published in that context. This is why budding writers have to be careful about putting their stuff up on blogs and public forums and online writing workshops are members-only. Similarly if it is for school, say part of her coursework, it would look a lot like plagiarism if an identical poem was found on the web (and don't they use plagiarism software to check for people who've copied their coursework off a website?)

I know it's unlikely any of this would happen, and probably nothing would come of it at all. Just doesn't seem a good idea, for all kinds of reasons. Maybe would have been better to put it in Chat where it would disappear after a certain time?

valiumredhead · 11/11/2011 08:41

I am quite shocked you posted her poem! I think you need to get it pulled. Talking it over would be a a better plan than confronting her imo.

valiumredhead · 11/11/2011 08:42

To me it just sounds an angst ridden teenage poem.

Moominsarescary · 11/11/2011 08:52

I'd say if you are going to confront her about it, do it by telling her how good it is and ask if it's for school and take it from there

melika · 11/11/2011 08:57

Have a little heart to heart with her. Sometimes I ask mine whether they are happy with things in their lives and they always stare disbelievingly back at me and drone 'of course I am, Mom!'

From time to time, cos I wouldn't want them to be unhappy like I was at school. All I can think is it is normal thoughts for her age and she is fab at English.