AIBU to give DH a hard time about joining freemasons?

[Rachtoteach]

I think the answer is probably, yes. But I am a bit ignorant about the whole thing I suppose but all I can see at the mo is it's a bid weird, it's the first time in our relationship he has acted 'secretively' towards me, it costs money to join (and we dont have any to spare). I'm feeling really fed up but know IABU as he is a wonderful hubby and father, hardly ever goes out socially etc, and he seems really keen.

Any thoughts ladies? x

I would be angry if my DP did this too. But only because a more distant relative is a senior member and from what I could see it was a pretty racist and sexist boys club. But they may not all be like that.

Can you not shove him towards the Rotary club?

I wouldn't be happy. It's an odd organisation.

If it's so marvellous, why is he being secretive?

My father has been one for many years and it is so secretive which I dislike. I once picked up one of his little books with all the rituals in it which is all written almost in code and he gave me such a bollocking for reading it - not that I could understand a word of it.

Interesting that it costs money to join: I had no idea. I know he was out at meetings often and would spend hours learning his lines.

On the upside, we had some fantastic parties together with the other families.

It certainly is not an inclusive organisation, that's for sure.

Not sure if you are being U or not, though I probably would not like my DH to join.

Tell him he can join ... if you can too.

Any society who feels the need to keep secrets is up to no good, no matter how much they disguise it with charidee.

oooh interesting - a freemasons thread!

seriously though, I wouldn't be too happy with DH keeping secrets, no matter how he dresses it up. Just because loads of other men have been keeping secrets for generations doesn't mean he has to jump off a cliff too - if you follow me

I am guffawing in a juvenile manner at the thought of my husband joining such an organisation. Sorry.

ha ha ha

any boys club that involves dressing up, secret passwords, and swords and keeps stinky girls out sounds fine for your husband if he is 5
if he is older laugh and laugh and laugh at him until he sees sense

Keep referring to them as the Stonecutters, nvent a secret handshake for you and the kids and ban him from one room in the house becasue it's women only, maybe then he'll realise how silly it is.

They are tools though - when my best friend's father dies they tried to take over the funeral, planning and speecehes and all, cutting out the family. Overgrown boys with their secret codes and titles.

You probably shouldn't be posting this.

katie that is genius

It's the on-going costs of 'keeping up appearances' that costs money in the Freemasons. It is an expensive Club, I think you will find.

Get him a subscription to The Economist instead, as an alternative and far more worthy form of self-improvement.

YANBU

My Understanding Answer: He probably feels self conscious about it (not very PC these days etc etc) and knows you won't understand. Maybe there are some business networking opportunities involved which he just can't afford to pass by.

My Conspiration Theory Answer: Maybe he's been forced in to it, blackmailed even Someone in my family (see, secrecy already) was quite literally forced to become a member, a few decades ago, in order to keep one of his son's from being charged by the police for some very stupid behaviour ("join us and charges will be dropped and forgotten" sort if thing). So he joined and kept it secret from the fanily until he confessed before dying. I found all the books etc, completely untouched on top of a wardrobe, after he died.

My dad, half brother, and grandfather were Freemasons. Strikes me as an old boys club,but I think it's got dubious foundations. My female friend is a lady freemason, and belongs to a women only lodge

Nope my DH was asked to join and thought about it, I think knowing that the whole family disapproved etc. and so did the only friend he told, helped him make his decision.
I like Bonsoirs suggestion.

I would leave DH if he joined. My father and bil have been approached numerous times. Pushy, creepy, and unless you're in don't kid yourself you know what they do. It's got some really dark roots and the higher you move through it the more trapped you are

I don't know much about the organisation. Just that it is secretive and they wear aprons. What do they actually do?

There was a play on the radio a few years ago. The woman was newly widowed and cash-strapped. Her DH had been in the masons so she approached them to get some support from the brotherhood because they look after their own. The punchline was that she discovered that he hadn't joined - all those evenings when he was supposedly doing secretive things with the lads he had been doing something entirely different with a lady friend. Arf.

Conclusion: collude with this at your own peril.

Some of DH's family were very big in the FMs and did very nicely out of it, thank you. However DH's father and uncle refused to become involved, which caused ructions. My father has been approached a lot but won't touch them with a barge pole. It is a bunch of insufferably dull men trying to give themselves an edge by mutual back scratching rather than by working hard. It is sexist, racist, classist and every other -ist you can think of.

Why doesn't he join the Rotary? Same clubbishness, less nasty.

I think I'd find it hard ever to have sex with him again.

BoffinMum -"It is a bunch of insufferably dull men trying to give themselves an edge by mutual back scratching rather than by working hard."

Brilliant