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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To suggest to my MIL that we go easy with Christmas prezzies this year

56 replies

Stormfromeast · 09/11/2011 21:17

Every year my MIL asks for very expensive prezzie. Last year she asked for a TV recorder, the year before last she asked for a laptop. To be fair, Christmas day is also her birthday, and she does expect to have 2 prezzie from each of her children. But she is 85 years old! WTF would a 85 year old woman want expensive prezzies for?

One year I did suggest we go easy and got the cold shoulder from her. None of her children dare say no, including my DH. MIL always insist we all could afford it. But that's not the point.

Should I bring this up again for this year? Any suggestions on how to get DH to support my brave act?

OP posts:
duckdodgers · 09/11/2011 21:20

Since when do people have the right to actually tell people what to get them for a present? Its very rude, demanding and entitled - however her family have not helped if they have gave in to her demands over the years so its not all her fault really is it.

MrsPeterDoherty · 09/11/2011 21:21

Just buy her some socks, plus a nightie for her birthday. Sorted, and what's she going to do about it?

comedycentral · 09/11/2011 21:22

How rude of her! Tell her she's getting a surprise this year.

Josieannathe2nd · 09/11/2011 21:22

Can you afford it? Does she buy you (and any kids if you have them) presents? If you say to her that you don't want to do presents at all and she needs to no longer get you any, that's fair enough, but otherwise I'm not so sure.

I still want presents when I'm 85!

LindyHemming · 09/11/2011 21:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SamWidgiz · 09/11/2011 21:23

Do you have DCs? That's normally a good excuse not to spend money on other people!

Not that you should need an excuse...

clam · 09/11/2011 21:23

What's with this "asking" for presents? Surely she gets what you choose to give her? Unless you ask her for ideas, in which case I suggest you don't!

rhondajean · 09/11/2011 21:25

Oh dont buy her anything, shes 85, she might be dead before she gets full use of it, thats what you mean isnt it!!!

You say that being able to afford it isnt the point, so what is?

Remember she spent years raising the man you love. For you information, I have worked with loads of people in their 70s, 80s and 90s who got lots of use out of their lap tops.

MrBloomsNursery · 09/11/2011 21:25

Well, think of it as an investment. I'm sure you'll get it all back when she dies.

Original poster
Stormfromeast · 09/11/2011 21:27

It is reasonable to buy her prezzies as it's her birthday. But it ought to be because we want to buy her stuff, not because she tells us to buy her stuff. I'm trying to teach my children to be prudent but then to have it thrown back at my face from MIL is painful. The surprise idea is fantastic though. Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
Stormfromeast · 09/11/2011 21:32

rhondajean - MIL seems to think that because we both have jobs, we're ok. But we also have 2 children just about to embark on university. And actually, she actually left my DH with his dad when he was two, and took him back again when he was seven. My DH left home for uni at 18 and never took a penny from her

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 09/11/2011 21:36

"But it ought to be because we want to buy her stuff, not because she tells us to buy her stuff."
Yes, that would grate on me. I view a present as a token of my affection - sometimes I can afford to be financially indulgent, sometimes not; in which case I ensure I am time-indulgent, finding something not expensive but that will be appreciated. Being TOLD what to buy - and feeling that it is based on how much money I am to spend - robs it of both affection and appreciation. It is no longer a present, more of a tax Sad.

YANBU.

MyCarHasBrokenDownAgain · 09/11/2011 21:36

Buy her a pair of slippers and a dildo.

If she doesn't like the slippers, tell her to go fuck herself!

ajandjjmum · 09/11/2011 21:37

Your MIL clearly wasn't a great Mum and seems to be a pretty selfish person.

BUT my Mum is 85 and I certainly wouldn't not get her anything because of her age. If anything, I'd get her whatever I could that she wanted, to make sure she had the opportunity of enjoying it.

If your dc are just off to uni, you've left it a bit late to start making a stand, haven't you?

AKMD · 09/11/2011 21:37

YANBU, apart from the weird remark about her age, she sounds dreadful. Face cream sounds like a good surprise this year.

squeakytoy · 09/11/2011 21:39

Does she actually have any idea how much these things cost?

MrsTwinks · 09/11/2011 21:40

I second that suggestion, but maybe don't bother with the dildo if you cant be bothered. Slippers are two things after all

Original poster
Stormfromeast · 09/11/2011 21:47

The remark I made about age is nothing to do with ageism. The fact that she has so many stuff in her house from Christmas many moons ago - she simply doesn't know what to do with those things. This is a woman who lives in a 3 bedroom house, alone, and gets people to re-decorate her house every two years. Errr, why?

OP posts:
AKMD · 09/11/2011 21:55

I didn't think you were being rude, it just came across oddly and talking about old people not being the same as twenty-somethings on MN is akin to burning a cross in Alabama...

As before, I think she's rather grasping and you should get something nice but not hugely expensive.

Flanelle · 09/11/2011 21:57

Yes indeedy. So it's late in the day to make a stand... it's not TOO late. Do it. Do it uilaterally if you have to, but do do it.

LindyHemming · 09/11/2011 21:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

staylucky · 09/11/2011 22:03

I thought nannas liked fengel and hankies? Shock

seeker · 09/11/2011 22:05

Don't worry, she'll be dead soon. Buy her some lavender water and a bar of chocolate- she's too old to kick up a fuss.

pigletmania · 09/11/2011 22:10

Errrr how old is she, 85, or 5 fgs! Get the bat some socks or a winciet nightie Grin

AnotherEmptyNest · 09/11/2011 22:10

Have you thought of doing something for her rather than buying? Fir instance, "It's some time since your ................ was seen to. We'll do it for you as a Christmas present this year". If it has to wait for the Spring (perhaps to put in lots of bedding plants) it will give her something to look forward to.