to want dh to do more re buying a house?

[SadieGeneration]

I'm pregnant with a toddler sahm. Dh works full time. We are buying a house , I arranged viewings , mortgage advice, called estate agents , arranged solicitor . I asked dh to arrange an electrician for a quote as some issues on survey he rang about 3 then gave up.

I joined a site and rang about 20 so we now have 2 quotes. I asked him to sort insurance a month ago , today our mortgage offer came but we still have no insurance. So I called myself he called at the same time from work .

So now it is getting sorted. He does have a busy job but finds time to pop to supermarket over road for sandwich , email other stuff etc. I just feel like he has no urgency and I'm into my last trimester now and want to move ASAP. I imagine I will be doing removals calls too. Should I be sorting it all as I am at home or aibu for even expecting dh to get involved? The insurance can be called over weekend / evening too.

I imagine in time and once I get settled in the new town I will make more friends. I doubt if dh will ever want to socialize with any new people ,its just not his way but I obviously do. I have already found out from the lady whose house we are buying ,about all the local groups like bf support and playgroup so hopefully I will make more friends there.

I know people are trying to be helpful and I keep saying it wont work but my dh is set in his ways and seems to only want his old mates or nothing.

This is a problem with your marriage then.

And FWIW many of us have families living 3 or 4 hours away now, it's the way of the world, families grow up and move around; indeed many posters on here have families halfway across the world.

You don't need to labour alone. When I went into labour with dc2, we left dc1 with a neighbour until my mother could arrive (she lived hours away - no time to wait for her to arrive).

And no, of course the neighbour wasnt some shady character Id never met before. I made the effort to get to know a few neighbours and local mums, explained that I needed a few on standby because obviously I didnt know when I'd go into labour - and you know what? They were all willing to help if they could (subject to work and other commitments of course). Most people are just nice and normal and probably no different to you - they just need asking. Your dh seems to have an issue with being very 'closed' and not willing to make friends or move forward in life. That's going to make things very tough for you. I would really advise you try to talk to him before the added pressure of another baby.

I don't think there is a problem in my marriage callmemrs as dh and I just want different things. He said he misses the times when I was working at the weekend so he could play xbox on his own before ds was born. I miss my old social life and having fun and chatting with friends.

As the new town is around 10 miles away I will have only just moved to new house so not sure I would trust ds with someone I have known for couple of weeks if it was longer then yes. Hopefully dhs work colleague will help but if not the baby will just come out and dh can see them when its born.

He is very closed but if I pry or ask questions he will just get angry so its not worth the hassle.

This thread has got a little crappy for you OP, hope you're ok. It does sound tough, and SAHM-hood is isolating enough without being in a strange place with a husband working long hours.

Thanks ninkynonker but it seems most people just get on with it and other posters think I'm making a big deal out of nothing. Having ds was quite a big deal to me, others maybe take it in their stride. I did make an effort to go to groups and would feel really pleased when other mums chatted to me, pathetic I guess !

Ok op could you do some antenatal stuff instead to meet other mums to be? Don't know where you are but we have yoga here and in other places there's aqua natal. All the mums at my yoga class are first timers so if you did strike up a friendship with women like them they wouldn't have the same constraints (yet) as the mums with children the same age as yours. Even better would be to see what's on in your new town so that the friendships could continue more easily.

Your husband doesn't seem from what you have said to have adjusted to having a baby and it looks to me like he's left all the baby stuff to you to sort out so he can beaver away on his xbox/ laptop in his free time. This isn't equitable unless you're happy with this. You obviously know he's not the most sociable person so I guess you just need to find ways to work around it so you can develop your own social life again. If he doesn't want to go out then IMHO he should have no problems with evening and weekend childcare to enable you to :)

handbagcrab I did try to do pregnancy yoga this time but the lady doing the only class in this town said I couldn't join as I hadn't been to the normal yoga class. I did do antenatal nhs classes but nobody spoke to each other they just sat down midwife talked a few people asked questions then we had to leave . There was no coffee time to chat so , I didn't make any friends from that. I will join the bf support group near my new house when I move. Most people have already got their friends so it seems quite hard getting into their groups. I have even looked on the local board on here but nothing seems to happen on it.

Have you tried the meet a mum board on Netmums? May be worth a try?

Fwiw, we moved last year when DS was 10 weeks old and it's taken me til now to find friends that I can invite round for a meal- that's with going to 4 toddler groups a week. We moved to quite a close town where no one ever seems to move away so everyone has their friends/family and they don't need anyone else.
DH is the same re babysitters we don't know so we only get away when family come to visit, and they live a good few hours away so that doesn't happen often (think twice a year). He also sounds very similar to your dh re social life/making friends etc which definitely makes it harder.
It can be very lonely and I really hope that the move brings you some fresh opportunities to make some friends!

Thanks ninky I will have a look on there.

chulita I will keep trying , and perhaps will invite people to things myself instead of waiting for them.

So how do two people both working full-time ever buy a house then? If it's so difficult to arrange anything from work (before work/during breaks&lunch/after work). Oh, of course, they just do it as they don't have a skivvy at home to pass it all on to!
For what it's worth, I keep calls like that to make during the 3 days I do work rather than the ones when I'm home with a toddler. The internet stuff can be done in the evening, and shared between you.