to want dh to do more re buying a house?

[SadieGeneration]

I'm pregnant with a toddler sahm. Dh works full time. We are buying a house , I arranged viewings , mortgage advice, called estate agents , arranged solicitor . I asked dh to arrange an electrician for a quote as some issues on survey he rang about 3 then gave up.

I joined a site and rang about 20 so we now have 2 quotes. I asked him to sort insurance a month ago , today our mortgage offer came but we still have no insurance. So I called myself he called at the same time from work .

So now it is getting sorted. He does have a busy job but finds time to pop to supermarket over road for sandwich , email other stuff etc. I just feel like he has no urgency and I'm into my last trimester now and want to move ASAP. I imagine I will be doing removals calls too. Should I be sorting it all as I am at home or aibu for even expecting dh to get involved? The insurance can be called over weekend / evening too.

I mean both types of insurance , we only need the home for mortgage but as he already had life cover he gets a discount so why he needed to call., then we made life cover joint. However it seems I should have just done it all myself and not worried him or got a discount as it obviously was needy and pathetic to expect him to make a call ever. That's me told, nobody i know in real life treats their husband like a God who must not be disturbed. Its been an eye opener.

I don't think you're needy or pathetic and FWIW I think given the fact thatyou are making your policy joint and getting a discount on house insurance because of his existing policy, he should have done something.
You said none of this in your OP at all!

On balance, for this particular part of the process (insurance), he should (is required to) help deal with it. But as for the rest, sure you can manage

I did a massive op , I didn't think I needed to go into great detail about our actual insurance policy requirements but I did go on to explain it when it came up. Dont most people take out mortgage protection together when buying property so that they both get involved. I definitely wasn't drip feeding on purpose I didn't realise that was the crucial issue. If the only reason anyone thinks dh should have made a call to do with this is because of a little discount then it's still depressing . I didn't realise a sahm was regarded as such a low life form .

No, if he has to, assuming you want to use the same provider, fair enough.

You said insurance and that you were buying a house, ergo house insurance.

This takes about 10 minutes on any one of the comparison websites out there. It is not an unreasonable assumption for any reader to make..

Mortgage protection? What is this? Life insurance? House insurance? What is this? Somebody who pays your mortgage in the event that you can't? My guess is this is not a common type of insurance to have, but I can only speak for myself.

You did say he works full-time and i know you are a SAHM but the bottom line is you will have more free time than him.

I have three children and am currently a SAHM and I have way more free time than my husband who is also a boss. I single-handledly sold our old house, bought our new one and do everything else in between. That said, I am quite capable and like to know what's going on.

I am not a low-life form; I run this house and it takes time and effort but really nobody said that now did they. You really need to get over this.

I am over it , it is life insurance so if one of us dies the mortgage gets paid. By using the same company we get discount on home insurance . I didn't realise people only take out home insurance I thought life cover was common. I have been told I should be making dhs packed lunch etc, how he shouldn't be troubled at work etc. How I should do everything for him / us as I look after our child , and that I should be grateful that dh puts a roof over my head as if I'm beneath him. I can only assume I'm some kind of freak as I felt that we were a partnership and just because I don't work in paid employment that I was on duty 24/7 but it seems I am in the eyes of the majority of posters.

Can't wait to stop lazing around with 2 under 2 and get back to work and do something worthwhile. What a lazy cunt , thanks Mumsnet I have seen the light. Be a Mum but get your arse to work as you are nothing if not in paid employment . I will look forward to dh happily doing his share of being an adult when I get my fat lazy arse into gear.

Life cover is common, it's not commonly referred to as mortgage protection. It's simply called life insurance.
Have you got critical illness insurance? Now there's an important one to consider.
Is this your first home purchase? If so, it makes more sense.

I sometimes make my DH lunch, sometimes I don't. He never knows if I will or won't and he is always grateful.
When did anybody say you were beneath him?
I didn't see this OP and I'm in the same situation as you right now.
Also, other people (trois) for example, did not refer to what you do as being beneath him either; just that with your lot right now you should be able to cope.

And quite frankly, she's right.
Yes you look after your child, and so does he.
Do you want to be 'taken care of' and not do much else?
What are you happy doing then? Just curious like?

OP it's a bit of give and take on both sides tbh. You have easier access to a phone, so it stands to reason it is probably more sensible for you to take care of it. That does not mean he gets to shirk though....give and take.

And Troisgarcons I made a very unflattering snorting noise at "Really you should be making his packed lunch rather than having him trott off buying it."
Hahahahaaaa! Brilliant. You is funny.

I'd no more make my dh's packed lunches for him than lick his anus. He's perfectly capable of making his own sandwiches, and if he can't be fucked, then off to the shop he trots. Up to him really. I'm not his mum.

Nobody called you a lazy cunt OP.
Remove the very very large chip from your shoulder ASAP and things will look better for you.
Nobody said that paid employment was more worthy either.
Where are you getting this from?

Can I ask, what do you think is reasonable that you should do whilst at home?

OP,you do have a massive attitude problem and dislike when posters point out the obvious,that its easier for you to make the calls than your dh. You do come across as feeling ever so hard done to. As if you do all the graft, and your husband just swans about and has a lunch break too. Surely your day can accommodate some telephone calls or are you dogmatically attached to make him do something to prove some point. As others have said, you are at home all day why cant you just make the calls that you can make?

OP don't ask if you are being unreasonable unless you're prepared to hear 'yes yabu' V tiresome otherwise.

You have the time to make these house type calls so make them. If you make a big deal of him doing it you are just creating tension for both of you.

Ok was just ranting a bit. Yes we have critical illness cover too, it was under the umbrella title of mortgage protection with my last house and still seems to be the same this time . Sorry if this isn't a usual term but it's what the company called it.

Anyway , this is a typical day. Up at 6.30 with ds. Breakfast about 8. Did some washing. Got a call re quote on house from workman. Got some paperwork delivered from bank re mortgage. Called dh to see if sorting insurance , no answer dodo called myself and tried to blag his details so could get discount. Then online to get life quote , called again for another half hour while ds ripped of sky box , pulled small tables over ! Then lunch, hoovered , loaded dishwasher , tidied up a bit. Then walked to supermarket with ds got some food. Came home ds asleep so had a coffee. Then dh back from work he went for shower so I gave ds tea, then put him in bath. Dh then took him out bath , then insurance bloke called and we both spoke to him. Ds got put to bed. Was I lazy as then, what else should I be doing, oh dh cooked tea but a quick one.

Why can't anyone see that I'm not saying dh should do everything , i am happy to sort 90% out . I just wanted him to sort this out, I did it anyway in the end really. Surely if as a working person it was impossible to deal with moving house nobody would move. I managed it when single infact was easier as I didn't have to consult anyone .

Your day is not so busy Sadie

Got a call, got some paperwork delivered (morning post then?), made a call, went online, general small child stuff, had lunch, bit of light housework, went for a walk, had a coffe, then DH back from work.
If you only had all that to do all day between DS waking and DH getting home and these are busy times for you, you are very very lucky.

Really, what are you moaning about?

Sadie

YABU

Listen to the masses.

You have loads of time, what's the problem?

If you weren't dealing with this stuff right now, your day would be relatively free (from the description you gave anyway)

The day you describe is not so bad,all undertaken at own pace,no boss hanging over you,and bit of Mumsnet to boot.Your son slept too,so not all go-go.In fact it all sounds a bit like stretching some tasks to fill your day. You have had ample opportunity to make some telephone calls. I suspect the real elephant in room is your not happy being a SAHM and feel resentful that DH gets to go to work. Have things worked out how you had planned or hoped for? Are you unhappy being SAHM?

What else should I be doing as a sahm ??? Why does nobody think going through long financial phonecalls is stressful with a 12 month old crashing around? Why is it unreasonable to expect dh to call at the weekend or watch ds so I can. It just baffles me that everyone thinks I should do everything during the week days ,should I even have troubled to view the house or just text pics? Oh I did have a rest for half an hour but at 25 weeks pregnant I'm knackered already but yes it isn't an illness blah blah blah, tell that to my bleeding arse.

Arghh I did make 3 phone calls , I called back electrician and 2 half hour phonecalls to insurance . obviously I had to change nappies get milk actually interact with ds , play , take out in trike , normal mum stuff I don't lock him in a cage all day , so no I didn't string my day out !I went on mumsnet when ds in bed.

You do little else based on your own description of how your days goes?
This is by your own admission.
How much are you happy to do?
Asked earlier, not yet answered.
Would love your day!

Sadie, it's called life love.
Are you not coping?

Oh come on. You aren't the first person in the world to be pregnant and have a toddler Sometimes life is not all that easy. Sometimes we get tired. Sometimes we feel like we're doing everything. That applies to both of you. You don't have the monopoly on thinking that it all comes down to you. Good chance your dh is thinking that about himself too.
Grow up a bit.

Changing nappies, takes

I'm completely confused as a sahm I look after ds, take him to groups , library etc. Do the shopping. Do the housework . Make appointments . Sort general stuff out . What else should I be doing , honestly I'm genuinely confused. I'm not even being sarcastic , what else is there ? Dh never does any housework just dishwasher and a bit of ironing sometimes. I am only a sahm as I was pregnant before my mat leave ended so couldn't get another job , it won't be long term. Why do I give sahm a bad name ? I said I sorted everything else out? Ds wakes around 3 times a night and wakes between 5 - 7 often 5.30 so it is quite tiring , especially when in first bit of pregnancy. I have no family or close friends as new to area so never get any time without ds, who I love dearly but it makes certain things hard eg arranging mortgage , man in home for 2 hours with ds leaping around , crying as bored. Guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself and turns out I'm a shit sahm. Oh well!

I understand the rattyness and your original complaint. The only upside is as you are currently at home you do have the better opportunity to do the things that require attention in the day. You have my sympathy but if your DH is anything like mine (which he sounds a bit) then you can get as ratty as you like but you'll still end up doing it all.
I have a FT job , DH has a FT job - the enlightened man that I married (and I did at one stage actually believe the crap he said about us being equal) has made it abundantly clear through his actions that his job is more important than mine ( he earns more - but actually both of us have goodish paid careers that we do because we love them not because of what we earn) so he doesn't have 'time' to do this stuff and is too tired to do stuff after work (even though I do a full day with childcare tacked on each end and every spare minute )
I sold both our houses and visited all of the dross that the EA sent to us, DH came to about 1/5th of the appointments, I packed and moved both houses. Arrange all house jobs (well "you know all about stuff like that" - I work in construction)
Do all the child appointments ( dr , hospital, nursery, finding schools) and I could go on the list is endless
why do I do it - because if I don't it doesn't get touched, I know because I've tried to talk reasonably about it, leave it, remind him, ask him, plead and nag him and it still doesn't get done. By not doing stuff i end up suffering so in the end i usually cave in and just do it. What really gets me is for some completely unknown and unfathomable reason I am unreasonable about this as he views himself as a "new man" who treats our responsibilities in this marriage equally (my arse he does )
Sorry that's turned into a mini rant about the useless twunt of a DH I have.
You have my sympathy and you are not alone.

Depends how you usually split stuff as to whether YABU or not.

We just bought a house, I did everything all DH needed to do was sign. But conveyancing is my thing and the house is my 'dream' house so I am quite particular as to who and what gets done. DH on the other hand would live in a cardboard box if it was handy for the buses andv had WiFi.

You are not shit, but you guys need to be a team and work out who is going to do what bits. If you can't handle something then he is going to need to pick up the slack.