Another a PIL thread.... telling us not asking when to visit?

[meanieinthecupboard]

Ok loads of history between me and the PIL, too much to go into.

Things have been civil between us for the last 4 or 5 years. (out of 12)

DH was taken ill over the weekend and had an emergency op yesterday. All fine and is home recuperating.

PIL offered to come and help. (History of offering help which turns out not be help). I said no don't worry about helping but feel free to visit your son. (that was yesterday), heard nothing till they rang DH today and said they had booked tickets (fly) to come on saturday. The issue I have with this is

a) they could have come yesterday, today or tommorrow (couldn't come thursday as they have appointment can't get out of) (they are retired)

b) its my DD's birthday on saturday and she is having a party at home (need to prepare for it) and we/she wants to spend the weekend (apart from party) with just us. I'll have to entertain PIL too.

c) I really don't appreciate being told not asked when they will visit.

I fully appreciate they want to see their son and I'm more than happy for that to happen just not at the weekend.

So I was going to email ring them to explain but DH wanted to do it. They have thrown a hissy fit and are now not coming at all.

Flame away.

put the judgy pants away people and try to imagine that there may be a long and complicated history to explain the way the OP and her DD are behaving. we all have limits to what we can deal with, I'd say my dh being ill and having an emergency operation would be high on the list.

I think you should offer to pay for the flight change if there is any for not telling them to not visit over the weekend as an olive branch.

Please stop being mean to meanie , if you keep asking her to justify her gut reaction she will sound stupid and mean. The way I hear her posts is that she is struggling to deal with difficulties with her husband and his injuries and she could do without fairly distant family members, including parents, adding to her problems. It's understandable, if maybe not really how you are under obligation to be within a family.

Yabu, from what you have said. Nothing sounds particularly terrible. So they're a bit lazy and bossy, but live a plane ride away and come rarely. Suck it up.
Also, grandparents asking 7 year old to fetch things for them/boss them about a bit=not that big a deal. Generations of kids have been told what to do by their elders, they just have to suck it up to a degree also.
Basically, inadvertantly, you nvited them. Now you'll all just have to put up with a few days visiting. Its logical for hem to come down after their unmissable appt on thursday surely?

I know you have gone quiet, good move. Big hugs and virtual crate of wine, you will need it. You will also surprise yourself, just how much you can actually cope with that you never thought was possible. We are all made of stronger stuff than we can imagine, find that smile ;-)

Perhaps they could stay at a b & b