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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another a PIL thread.... telling us not asking when to visit?

131 replies

meanieinthecupboard · 08/11/2011 19:21

Ok loads of history between me and the PIL, too much to go into.

Things have been civil between us for the last 4 or 5 years. (out of 12)

DH was taken ill over the weekend and had an emergency op yesterday. Sad All fine and is home recuperating.

PIL offered to come and help. (History of offering help which turns out not be help). I said no don't worry about helping but feel free to visit your son. (that was yesterday), heard nothing till they rang DH today and said they had booked tickets (fly) to come on saturday. The issue I have with this is

a) they could have come yesterday, today or tommorrow (couldn't come thursday as they have appointment can't get out of) (they are retired)

b) its my DD's birthday on saturday and she is having a party at home (need to prepare for it) and we/she wants to spend the weekend (apart from party) with just us. I'll have to entertain PIL too.

c) I really don't appreciate being told not asked when they will visit.

I fully appreciate they want to see their son and I'm more than happy for that to happen just not at the weekend.

So I was going to email ring them to explain but DH wanted to do it. They have thrown a hissy fit and are now not coming at all.Shock

Flame away.

OP posts:
mariasophia · 08/11/2011 19:43

''we like to spend it as a little family bar the party.' So they are not part of the family ? do you treat your parents in this way ? How strange !

SecretSquirrels · 08/11/2011 19:43

Wow. Shock
Most children would be disappointed not to see their grandparents on their birthday.
I can't imagine how hard it would be for my child to need emergency op and then have to negotiate when it was convenient to visit him.
I tend to avoid the evil PIL threads because I just think that one day I will be an in law and how dreadful to be thought of as the enemy by your child's partner.

verlainechasedrimbauds · 08/11/2011 19:44

I'm sure you're not really horrid. But you do sound it Sad.

Original poster
meanieinthecupboard · 08/11/2011 19:45

TBF we don't see them very often as they live a plane ride away so although they are family, they aren't in our everyday life.

OP posts:
Flubba · 08/11/2011 19:45

How old is your DD that she doesn't want her grandparents to visit her over her birthday weekend? :(

What does your DH think about all of this?

squeakytoy · 08/11/2011 19:45

Why is it so inconvenient that they be there when it is your daughters birthday? I just dont get that at all. It seems such a shame that there is so little love and affection for your husbands parents, from both you and their granddaughter.

I assume the backstory must be bad though for them to be so unwelcome by you both.

Everlong · 08/11/2011 19:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kayano · 08/11/2011 19:46

Meanie you are just repeating yourself.

I am afraid putting random bits of your points in bold text does not make you seem more reasonable

verlainechasedrimbauds · 08/11/2011 19:46

You shouldn't have said "feel free to visit"? Shock

Their son has had an emergency operation. Their SON.

littletreesmum · 08/11/2011 19:46

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
meanieinthecupboard · 08/11/2011 19:46

yes it is bad squeaky. Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
meanieinthecupboard · 08/11/2011 19:47

Well obviously IABU then.

OP posts:
TooEasilyTempted · 08/11/2011 19:48

YABU. Horrible. Posts like yours make be dread becoming an in-law.

MissBeehiving · 08/11/2011 19:48

You don't sound very nice Sad

RomanKindle · 08/11/2011 19:48

OK maybe the in laws can be forgiven as they are worried but saying something like 'feel free to visit' is in no way an open invitation to turn up on a day of your choosing without checking first. That would generally be considered rude imo.

Original poster
meanieinthecupboard · 08/11/2011 19:49

Thanks Roman. A quick phonecall thats all that I want.

OP posts:
Original poster
meanieinthecupboard · 08/11/2011 19:50

Prehaps I am just really horrible.

OP posts:
Original poster
meanieinthecupboard · 08/11/2011 19:51

I'm reluctant to add anything more as I'll be accused of AIBU by stealth. Hmm

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 08/11/2011 19:53

None of us apart from OP know the backstory, but based on what we have been told here... YABU.

That doesnt mean you need to tell us if you dont want to.. but unless there is a very good reason why you dont like these people, on the face of this, you do sound very controlling and unwelcoming.

Does your husband want to see his parents?

RomanKindle · 08/11/2011 19:53

Nah you've alluded to history in the op so you're covered. I suspect they are horrific if your dd doesn't even want to see them.

Original poster
meanieinthecupboard · 08/11/2011 19:54

Ahh squeaky you have hit the nail on the head. No not at that weekrnd, he doesn't.

OP posts:
NinkyNonker · 08/11/2011 19:55

Surely you just make an exception and get on with it under these circumstances? I don't think it would cross my mind to be pissed off, or be thinking about dd's birthday being a stumbling block at this time.

usualsuspect · 08/11/2011 19:55

So you said 'feel free to visit your son' ,and now its not convenient because its their grandchilds birthday

I feel sorry for them tbh

verlainechasedrimbauds · 08/11/2011 19:56

Really RomanKindle? Even when you're a plane ride away? It isn't just a case of hopping in the car. "feel free to visit" sounds to me exactly like an invitation to turn up when you can - perhaps that's where the misunderstanding has happened. If they are not usually in your life, surely to goodness you can be flexible on this occasion.

I can only assume the history of your relationship is really bad, because otherwise this just sounds unkind and unreasonable and as if you are being difficult for the sake of it.

warthog · 08/11/2011 19:57

i'm afraid that from what you've written yabu. you said feel free to visit, they are, now you've said they can't come.

they should have checked before flying but your time for restricting visits was when you said they must visit. they might not have been in a position to jump on a plane at a moment's notice, even though they are retired.

there's obv a lot more going on here.