to ask if you have friends in a very different income bracket?

[Hullygully]

And more importantly, does it create problems?

Yes and..sometimes.

I have found that certain old friends and extended family members are very uncomfortable with our situation which is more comfortable than theirs.

I try to play a lot of things down to be honest. But it's hard with the DC because there's no playing down things like where they go to school. It just is what it is.

Yes, my oldest/closest friend is in a v different income bracket to me and to be perfectly honest this is now causing some cracks in our relationship and it makes me sad.

Wassappening Bibs?

I know it will pass, just wish I could stop feeling so cross and badly treated..

I have really noticed a divide also when I became successful with my writing.
There were those who clearly thought that I was far too big for my boots and needed bringing down at every opportunity and those that were just excited for me.

yes massively
No problems thankfully

Yes, it causes big problems but not the sort you've described. I'm sorry to hear about jealousy spoiling your friendship, Hully, and some others on this thread. I thought you'd be talking about practical issues which, ime, are getting worse as the gap widens. Increased cost of travel + decreased relative value of benefits or low wages = not being able to see anybody much, or do anything much when together.

I haven't worried about sponging off richer friends because I never minded paying for others when I had the money. I can see, though, that pride may be an issue causing apparent jealousy. Might that be the problem in your case? (Not that you can change it, if so :( )

I've noticed people being less willing to cover me lately - perfectly understandable, though it all adds to the hidden social costs of what's happening economically.

Hully - As friends realised it was my friend who was BU, it tended to be her not invited to smaller gatherings if before it would have been both of us. I know it hurts, but I think the most important thing for you is to make sure that other friends continue to see you as the reasonable one.

My best friend started having little digs at me a long time ago, which escalated. We are no longer friends.
It may have been jealousy or maybe I was being insensitive, I'll never know.

But one thing is for sure - a true friend will never allow jealousy in, or be over sensitive, so I feel I have lost a fake rather than a true friend.

I have a very good friend whose household income is more than double ours but she has never made me feel aware of it. It really has never been an issue and our DDs play together a lot. Maybe when the DDs are old enough to realise that her DD has more toys, more holidays, private school and so on it might be trickier but for now its never been an issue.

I think most do lesley, it's all still so new that I want them to go and bash her, but I'm trying to get over it..

Yes and no, if second answer was yes you wouldn't be friends surely?

apparently not, stacey.

It shouldn't matter, but for some people it does.

My DS in particular has a very wide range of friends. One of the mums openly marvels (polite way of putting it) at what we spend our money on, but doesn't envy us because she's happy to be SAHM. And with another mum we never mention loads of things (holidays, out of school activities, etc) because I know form a mutual friend that she gets a bit cat's bum over it. And I'm sure that another mum who drifted away did so because she disapproved of our lives and lifestyle choices.

Saying that, lots of mums seem to be doing lots of competitive poverty these days - not booking holidays, not buying new cars, not replacing au pairs, etc. some of it is obv because of genuine money worries, but a lot of it I think is because of genuine discomfort at wealth gap, so maybe the perceived differences will disappear as the rich hoard their money away and start doing stuff like bulk-buying in ASDA and going to Butlins.

Even ASDA themselves have seen the trend - they were selling half-price Taittinger this week

Ah, well, my bf and her partner are even older than me (think v late 40s/early 50s) but they are still permanently broke. Never have any money at all. So we can never suggest going out for a meal with them, to the theatre, to an exhibition - anything that costs any money, even just Pizza Express, is a "no, we can't afford it, can we just have a picnic in the park?". I admit to losing patience with this after 30 or so years! Especially as she barely works (self employed) and has one secondary age child.

Yes we do, and not really.

I must confess to being a bit jealous of a lovely friend who has recently bought a lovely new house and is sending her DS to private school, which are both things that we would love to be able to do.
I gave myself a bit of a talking to though, largely on the basis that I wouldn't want her life. Her husband runs his own business and he is never around, he doesn't have the kind of relationship with their kids that DH does with ours - so I wouldn't swap for the world.

A few of our other friends I am aware that we are in a significantly higher income bracket and I always try to be mindful when we're planning things, organising a day out or whatever. I really, really hope that I am not being tactless and offending anyone, it would make me incredibly upset to think I was.

Hi, I have friends and relatives in a different bracket and yes it causes problems. Not with all of them but with enough.

I have been very skint and quite well off. I have tried to be generous when well off but maybe not always as much as I could have done, and no doubt I have annoyed people in my time.

My sister is well off and she is probably just sharing news but it is upsetting when she comes and tells me about her new car when we are facing redundancy etc. She can be a bit insensitive.

I have other friends who just don't get that now I'm a SAHM we are not as well off as before. I think I didn't realise how much money I had. When I go back to work I am going to feel loaded as we'll have had a fair few years of tight belts!

Alibaba - I htink that is the nub. I'm not jealous of others because I don't want to be them (which you'd have to be to get their stuff etc), so I never expeceted others to dislike me for my life, becuase why would they want it?

yes and sometimes

sorry hully i just re-read that and it sounded a bit harsh (what i a get for MNing while i'm working)

What i meant was that surely if they are true friends it shouldn't matter to either of you.

I have it both ways round now (although used to be very very very poor when i was with xh) and still have the same (and more) friends now i am with DP and better off financially.

I have no problem with other people having more money, or people being skint. I try to include people as best i can when making arrangements etc.

I kinda hope that sounds less harsh! lol

That leads you to think that perhaps it isn't actually the money? Has she got personal difficulties that you don't know about, and she has latched onto you as having (in her head) a more visibly perfect life?

The mutual friends that you have, what is their financial situation?

what does your friend think that you are being hypocritical about, Hully?

alibaba - the mutuals are wildly mixed: loaded through to jsa. I think it's about the ability to make choices, I think she envies that.

Yes, in both directions: one has 20,000 acres, another is a single mother on benefits
No, it is not a problem

Venetia - she thinks I should have sent my dc to local schools in line with my socialist principles. I moved and sent them to selective grammar because I admit I put my selfish do the best for them thing first, which is technically hypocritical, yes. She, however, sent her own dc out of county, but that doesn't seem to count and as I said I didn't mention it as I was trying not to have a screaming row in the pub!

Not even technically. Downright hypocritical.