To think that you shouldn't be pissed off to work Xmas day just because you have children?

[kitya]

When your kids are 15 and over and you are in a job where unsociable hours are enough. I'm fuming that someone complained today that she was the only one with kids that was working Xmas. As if us singles don't have families we would love to be with. I'm so annoyed, she's a friend as well.

Good managers, in my experience would give Christmas Day off to parents btw for this reason.

OP is entitled to be disappointed of course.

Everyone has the right to be upset about something they don't like. The reason i said op was not being unreasonable was because i assumed the person in question was expressing her displeasure at work. I have worked wirh people who moan for months about having to work christmas after having the last 3 off, just because thats how the rota happened. And thought of hearing her go on about it until the end if december makes me . She's not the only one with children who's working, just the one who moans the loudest.

Driftwood999, most reasonable people are genetically programmed to think about and protect their families and friends. If a person was selfish and thoughtless before having children, they will remain selfish and thoughtless throughout life (see threads about horrible sil, mil, bil etc.) Children have nothing to do with it. Childless people may seem to have more flexibility but you cannot know what other people's obligations are. It didn't take long for the 'parents are superior to everyone else' argument to be used. If you take on a job, do the job and don't assume that other people owe you anything.

No, parents are not superior, but children are a fact of life, and can be life changing, I'm not arguing that single/childless people do not have obligations but a priority has to be made somewhere for logistical reasons. Such as management/HR making decisions.

Agree with Custardo.

And mollycuddles good for you. I wouldn't take a job where I had to work Christmas day. Tough luck to your colleagues who didn't get the same clause written into their contracts.

I'm childless, and so are many of my friends. Working over Christmas is a necessary part of some jobs, which presumably shouldn't come as a surprise when you are planning your family. Plenty of people without children actually DO have commitments on Christmas Day - one of my close friends works professionally with animals - they will need feeding and looking after same as every other day. Another has just nursed her elderly mother through terminal cancer, so let's ditch this patronising nonsense about how only parents can be genetically programmed to care for their wider family. I'm fortunate (self employed) to be able to choose whether to work over Christmas or not - part of the reason I left FT employment was because I was heartily fed up of having to accommodate complicated parental arrangements by colleagues that seemed to be a one way street when some flexibility was needed for myself.

No kids here. Would be most unhappy with the assumption that I didn't need or want to spend Christmas Day with my family, or that my / my families pleasure was less important than those with kids. Would absolutely happily do my turn (ie. one year working Christmas Day / one year not) but wouldn't swap with a parent if it wasn't my turn and it meant I had to do two Christmas Days in a row. Absolutely not.

People who work in a field that offers a 24 hour / 365 day a year service are aware of the hours before they took the job. My job means unsocialble hours and I've had to miss big important family occassions (weddings / parents significant birthdays and the like). It's tough but it's life.

When I worked at a nightshelter it was the usual practice that the staff without kids did Christmas, and the staff with kids did New Year. Seemed to suit everyone (and I didn't have kids back then).

Kitya, I kind of agree with you.

Christmas isn't mainly for children AT ALL, it's just marketed that way

Is it because I work with 99% females? I wonder if guys moan about it so much?

The fairest way is surely to say those that had it off last year are working it this year? I had it off last year which is why Im landed with it this year and, guess what? I except that with out moaning. There is not one person at work who is working Christmas Day and Boxing Day except for me. And, guess what? Im someones daughter, someones sister and the much loved aunt of my nieces. I will never have any of my own so, please dont anyone patronise me and tell me ah, but its different when they are your own children. For some of us that will never happen.

Im guessing this person will spit her dummy out until she gets what she wants.

My best friend is a nurse, her husband a paramedic and they have only ever spend Christmas day together when she has been on maternity leave. Shes never moaned about it once. Neither has he.

Im sorry to the doctor on here but, I could never see any of my colleagues demanding that they never work Christmas day, they would be laughed out of the interview. I take it you are a consultant?

YABU

How dare your friend complain about working on Christmas day. How dare she?!

She's not asking to change her day? She's just pointing out the facts.

You, OP, sound like one of those bitter women (always is where I work), where mums are vilified for daring to complain about anything child related because it's their fault as they had kids in the first place.

Whats wrong with moaning? You're moaning?

For all those suggesting parents should get special treatment, look at it another way.

AIBU to think that our of hours gp and a+e shoulde be available on christmas day. My loved one is seriously ill and there is noone to provide healthcare, apparently they shut because all the working parents need christnas off, and there are nor enough people to run the service.

Honestly, would you think that the poster was being unreasonable thinking that essential services were provided?

How on earth do you know she hasnt asked to change it? Its such a headache trying to do the rota in the first place, never mind having to change it. It takes weeks.

If you think of it from the pov of the child, which perhaps your colleague is, and the fact that Xmas takes on new meaning when you have children, no denying that, then I think YABU. if I was asked to work Christmas I would be upset, not because I was missing Xmas but because my children might miss out - having your Mum and/or Dad absent on Xmas day when you're little can't be nice, IMO. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be there for your kids and it's not the same as hooking up with friends and family for a jolly - in fact Xmas with kids can be HARD work but worth it for the smiles on their faces. I would go as far as to say that it would be unreasonable for your colleague NOT to complain if she was the only one with kids who had to work.

You are mixing different things, OP.

It is perfectly ok to be pissed off that you have to work christmas!

It is even perfectly ok to whinge about it but probably not for months and months and months - but you just said she had complained today. This one time. She's allowed to complain about something!

It is not ok to think that you have a right to not work christmas or to demand that you don't work it. If she is demanding that the rota is changed in her favour then she is being unreasonable.

But - you have to understand - it is different when you have children. It just is. Christmas takes on a magical element that is simply missing from christmas with your parents, or your mates or your dear old auntie aggie. Christmas is fun, it's great, it's lovely to get together - but it's only magical with your children.

And there is no way of saying this that won't sound terribly patronising, and - tbh - I want to slap myself in the face for saying it .... you will understand when you have children.

That is not the same as saying someone has the right to never work over christmas if they have children. If she's put down for christmas and there is nobody who is happy to swap with her, then that's unfortunate but she'll just have to deal with it.

My husband was on a 24hr shift the first christmas after we had a child.

He went on christmas eve afternoon and did the pm shift, did the sleepover, did the morning shift (that's quite a common shift in the field he was then in) then was home on christmas day afternoon.

I was supposed to wait for him to get home to help our PFB open his gifts.

Supposed to

He came home to find it all over and PFB eating his way through a huge pile of wrapping paper

Us lone parents have to contemplate being away from our dc for half if Xmas anyway..... Any mumsnetter could be in that position next year too

I think Xmas becomes such a big thing in everyones heads.... Why??

Well given that you asked is it U to moan, not is it U to change the day, then I'm guessing not. You have complained about her moaning, nothing else.

Also the bit about her "being a friend as well" - not sure why that matters...? Are you sensitive about this at all by any chance

Im taking big children, two have left home already.

I don't think anyone should get preference, children or not. I'm one of the few with kids in our office and I'm working xmas eve. However I don't mind as we are going away for new year.

I work in an industry with lots of different nationalities and it used to piss me off a lot in a previous job that those who were from other countries (not all but the ones who shouted loudest) would typically be given all the holiday period off. Pre-kids I worked 3 xmases in a row without really being given much choice in the matter because, well, 'X has to fly back to Spain and Y has to travel to Germany so it's not fair to ask them to work on xmas eve' (according to my pushover boss).

I don't think anyone should get preference, children or not. I'm one of the few with kids in our office and I'm working xmas eve. However I don't mind as we are going away for new year.

I work in an industry with lots of different nationalities and it used to piss me off a lot in a previous job that those who were from other countries (not all but the ones who shouted loudest) would typically be given all the holiday period off. Pre-kids I worked 3 xmases in a row without really being given much choice in the matter because, well, 'X has to fly back to Spain and Y has to travel to Germany so it's not fair to ask them to work on xmas eve' (according to my pushover boss).

Ah well if they're big kids and 2 have left home then as Iggly says, it's not U to moan but would be U to think she should get preferential treatment.

yabu, your colleague is entitled to have a moan about it, my dp works in a childrens home and also has to work xmas, last year i was at home on my own with 5 children, one a 2wk old newborn and yes it sucked.

he will prob have to work this xmas as well as they are short staffed and yes i will moan about it!

dp doesnt mind having to work xmas day as such what he does mind is that he can never have a few days off over the xmas period, not necessarily xmas day just a few days off over the holidays, which means we cant go and visit him mum who is on her own, that sucks as well.

but he has a job and a steady one with no chance of cutbacks at the moment so we suck it up.

YANBU. Everyone has families and loved ones they want to spend christmas with. Why should those without children be expected to miss out year after year. If you work that kind of job you have to accept that is part of the deal. Yes its crap, but if everyone takes it in turns it doesnt ome round that often.