To be upset when parents dont read with their children.

[AVoidkaTheKillerZombies]

I volunteer at DC's school doing an intensive reading programme for children who are not reading confidently or are having problems reading.

So many of the children have no one to read to at home, in fact the programme asks for the parents to read with the child at home. One parent actually refused the programme because she didnt want to commit to the input (5 minutes a night).

Some of the children have nothing written in the reading diaries and its so sad.

madmomma I wouldn't worry about your 12mo, that's still very young. My youngest is 3 and is only starting to get interested, he'd rather climb and run about! As for your DH, I really feel for him, it's good that he still tries though. Must be horrible for him not being able to teach his child very well.

We used to read to dd1 every night but for last six months she's been reading her own books and whizzing though them. She prefers to read on her own, so I can't comment in her book, doesn't mean I don't care.

Yeah I should probably relax really - just weird that dd was so bookish as a baby, but it's probably her that was unusual rather than ds. Will get my brother and nephew to read with him a bit too I think. Thanks for replying

madmomma - your DH can still tell your DCs wonderful stories. My DDad used to tell us stories that he made up, we adored them and now he tells them to my DCs.

Your DH can simply retell the events of DS's day like a story, or (when DS is a little older) get DS to suggest who the story is about and what might happen. I find I get out of practice and my imagination gets a bit rusty, but I soon get the hang of it again when I get going.

You could also use something like Rory's Story Cubes to generate story telling ideas and games.

Understanding and enjoying stories is a very important part of early reading.

It's terrible and negligent. Shocking that some parents think as long as children attend (and maybe not even work hard) school they will do well. These are the same parents who will blame teachers for everything later on when their children leave school at 16 with no qualifications.

DD was way beyond reading the books she had to for school. I'd read to her for half an hour or more while she was in the bath,and we'd tick off the reading record regardless. Her teacher knew that dd didn't read those books, and that she didn't read to me, but she also knew that dd didn't need to. We were ticking boxes assiduously but nothing more.

I'm not sure, madmomma , whether it's necessary for your kids to be read to by their dad. I think it would probably be more effective, under the circumstances, if they just saw him reading for pleasure regularly.

Thanks Pip & Jux

My mum couldn't read when we were children and so only dad read to us, me and sisters grew up with a huge love of reading.
You could consider the cd books, so they can follow along together and learn the words, might be good for dh too

It is very sad. But some parents don't speak English or have problems reading themselves.

"c) dyslexia and similar - I suspect someone who reads with their child daily would be able to get a diagnosis quicker, and then get appropriate help. My brother was diagnosed aged 6 (even 25 years ago) as my mum knew he was struggling (he's the youngest of 4)"

Oh really?

I have been telling teacher since my son was 5.5 he was dyslexic...not interested. Had to pay £600 to get an Ed Psych report done to get him dx.

And you know what difference the dx has made?

Absolutely none. No interventions or 1-1 even though both recommeded by the EP.

So, what do I do next?

I find this idea that its all the parents fault when children struggle really pathetic and spurious.

I have spent 100's of hours and 1000's of £ on helping my son.

This thread is judegmental and preachy and I really hope none of your kids ever has severe literacy issues because IME schools just dont give a crap.

Just go onto the Primary Ed and SEN boards for 2 mins and you will see what parents like me go through every day in trying the help their child in the face of ignornace, judgment and scorn from those who are paid to teach/help our children!!!

I thought the thread was about parents who don't read with their children though? Not the ones who do and yet there are problems or whose children don't really like reading anyway.

How is this OP to know if the children she is helping have SEN/SN and how is she to know their parents arent trying to help them????

Writing in a bloody reading diary is not the be all and end all of education and thats if the child even remembers to bring it home!!

So, if the book isnt written in the child isnt read to??? Ridiculous assumption. My dh NEVER remembers to fill the reading diary in....doesnt mean we dont listen to ds1 read!!!

Very, very judgy thread IMO.

But most teachers (and I suppose TAs as well) talk SO MUCH about the children and their families, and remember, the children talk about their families too.
It's not like the child goes into school with absolutely no context.

We don't read school books. They're dull.

Becaroooo it's a bit like those 'helpful' suggestions when you have a child with huge developmental speech & language abnormalities ... you know like ''have you thought of going to playgroups?" or "do you read to him?" or "have you tried singing nursery rhymes?" or "do you watch a lot of TV?". It is complete & utter wank; what I'd really like is for people to recognise that they know nothing about a situation, have nothing useful to add & then STFU.

None of the above suggestions work for a child with neurological abnormalities btw - they are just typical basic parenting. Of course what does help is 10s of hours a week & 1000s of pounds a year spent on intensive interventions (which no aren't available from the NHS or education services).

highlander oh dont get me started on Biff Chip and bloody Kipper. Why do schools love ORT so much?

Ds1 prefers non fiction anyway so we spend lots of time looking at encyclopaedias/atlases etc

At ds1's last school they used Ginn 360 as the reading scheme...I remember that one and I am nearly 40!

bigwheels Oh, yes have had lots of comments along those lines....sorry you have too

They only things that have helped our ds1 are therapies we have paid for - school just not interested even though I have paid for programmes for him to use...they cannot spare a TA for 10 mins per day to do it with him

I am one of the parents being judged by people like the OP....my son struggles with reading and I do not push him. It is hard enough for him as it is.

She has no right to judge me.

"most teachers (and I suppose TAs as well) talk SO MUCH about the children and their families"

Yes and that is always well informed & educated never judgemental half baked opinion ... because parent helpers, TAs, teachers are SENCOs are SO well trained (not).

Well I agree with that, I was saying it in response to the idea that it's just the reading diary that informs them.

yup it took a year to undo the damage that 6 months of school reading did to my ds - a fairly typical little boy with AS, clever love of all things non fiction & major S&L issues (inability to make inferences etc).

It is only now that he is staring to get interested in story books again at a very simple level & with my gentle support. Best thing I ever did for him & his future literacy was stop reading school books, stop worrying about filling in reading diaries & ignore people like OP.

I've had loads of judgy-pants parent 'helpers' read with my DD. All thinking she is thick and I'm a rubbish parent. All feeling good about themselves because they volunteered their precious time to help out at school.

They didn't help, actually the opposite as they don't know how to teach reading.

I wish parent helpers didn't listen to struggling readers. (Although fine for them to listen to kids who aren't struggling)

I wish schools took responsibility for teaching children to read, and if children struggled didn't blame the parents, but instead tried to properly dx the problem - and then actually try to fix it.

But they can't. It's the system. :(

Like Becaroo, I've spent years and thousands of pounds trying to help my DD to read. And I'm close, very close. And school don't care one bit.

This post reminds me why I do not like parent volunteers in schools, what happens in a child school should not be splashed in a forum.

My son is at his 3rd primary school and in year 3. This is the first school that's bothered to give him a reading book or record diary.

Judgey-pants parent volunteers made crap worse with their silly flash cards and reversed the progress he was making @ home with his dyslexia qualified gran on the old fashioned sel-funded Ladybird key readers, a specialist computer programme and lots of books all paid for by myself. We are still struggling to undo the damage.

Teachers need to be working directly with those who are struggling, not handing them off to clueless parent volunteers.

If you do volunteer do remember you know fook all re what sen's the kids might have or what issues there are at home. My Uncle still gets upset at being called out by some jobsworthy reading volunteer 3 weeks before his wife died of cancer. There may be damn good reasons why the parents aren't hearing their kids read that go way beyond watchin reruns of Jeremy Kyle.

I've had a parent send one of mine to the head when he refused to discuss 'cvc words'. He pointed out that he could spell sarcophagus and give the original meaning, and he wasn't going to waste time discussing hat, cat, mat.
We stopped the reading diaries at that point. In fact within a few weeks we'd moved them all to another school. One that accepted that they had AS and were above the standard levels of reading and were not happy to force them through the reading scheme.