To be upset when parents dont read with their children.

[AVoidkaTheKillerZombies]

I volunteer at DC's school doing an intensive reading programme for children who are not reading confidently or are having problems reading.

So many of the children have no one to read to at home, in fact the programme asks for the parents to read with the child at home. One parent actually refused the programme because she didnt want to commit to the input (5 minutes a night).

Some of the children have nothing written in the reading diaries and its so sad.

It is sad when parents don't read to their children. or listen to them read before they are confident readers.

but later on, all homework is the child's responsibility.
it shouldn't have to be put on the parent to help with homework, because it's the child's work.

My XH can't read properly. My 6 year old DD has a better reading level than him and she's no prodigy IYSWIM.

I read to dd every night she is with me and at some other times in between. She also helps read labels when we are out shopping. Ironically XH complains that I don't have enough books for dd, we have a few and go to the library regularly.so she gets plenty of variety over and above the books the school sends home. I never write her reading in the diary. There is very little space to write things in and there is usually something else that needs to be written there.

It is difficult to understand when you are used to books being a part of your life. If parents don't think books are important, it's likely to pass to their children too isn't it.

Do you think in some cases the parents have problems reading? That might be an explanation for some people.

As for 3 out of 10 children not having any books at home, that is a sad statistic.

Reading is a vital life skill. Even with computers and modern technology, not being able to read fluently is a major hurdle. IMO supporting reading at home should be considered as normal a part of parenting as making sure your child is fed and clothed. No child is going to embrace reading as an enjoyable activity if the message fed at home is that reading is a 'chore' and has to be timetabled in.

However, it's not really that black-and-white is it.

Some parents cannot read themselves, or read in the language the book is written in, or they read so badly that they are worried they might 'sabotage' their child's burgeoning ability to read and so prefer not to interfere.

Some parents may not have time. I know it only takes 5 minutes, but there are a lot of 5-minute tasks to be slotted in just for school, let alone other aspects of life. Sometimes things have to be prioritised, with the result that some tasks are dropped.

Sometimes a parent has to rely on family members/childcare to put a child to bed etc before they get home from work, so unless the child is kept up late, there is no opportunity for them to read to the parent, and the babysitter may not be willing or able to fulfil this function.

Then you get parents like me. I don't always fill it in my child's reading diary because I have read daily to my DC since they were 4 months old and books/reading is a central feature in this household. Sometimes my DC don't want to read the school-issued books because they'd prefer to read the books we've borrowed from the library, or one we've bought, or they've already read it at home/from library and don't want to do so again. I try to make an effort to fill in the diary so the teacher knows this, but if it's a busy week and I have 101 other things to do, it doesn't always get done. I would like to think from the comments I have made, my DCs level of ability, and my ongoing communication with the teacher that this is understood and not considered evidence that my child doesn't have anyone to read to.

YANBU about finding it sad that a child doesn't have parents who encourage reading, but I think it's a mistake to assume that this is because of lack of interest or to to assume that it has to take the form of reading a school-set book and writing comments in a reading diary.

You are NBU but perhaps a bit judgy.

I have 3 DC, the middle child has SN and I have a DH who is rarely home before 8pm or at weekends and no other support.

The arrival of DC2 tipped our world upside down and for a number of years pretty much all my time has been spent on managing DS2 and coping with the basics i.e cooking, personal care etc...

I used to read to DC1 every night before DC2s needs took over and it is only now 5 years later (DC2 has improved because of age and medical help) I am just about getting on track with a routine so the DC can be read with at least 2/3 times per week.

I feel very bad as it is about this situation and I feel DC1 in particular has suffered educationally. I doesn't help to think people will be sitting in judgement of me because of it. I am only one person and I do my best.

I too volunteer in a school and am always saddened by how little interest the parents show in their DC's school work.

Very few of the children are read to, read with, heard at home.
If homework is set (very small tasks) they rarely do it.
Many parents don't come ot parents evening.

Yes, some have excuses but for the majority it's just that they are not bloody interested. It used to make me very sad, now it makes me bloody angry.

Yes it is sad. But I agree with IndigoBell - there must be lots of reasons why parents don't read with their child.

My DS (yr 1) really didn't enjoy reading, and it took us AGES to get through the Chip and Biff books he would bring home, and it was clear he wasn't enjoying it (and we often forgot to write in the reading diary ). But I've recently got him lots of different books from the library, and a few I've ordered from Book People (thanks to MNers for some suggestions on another thread ) and he now seems much more keen on reading. He seems to get on better when its less formal too - eg, reading the milk bottles at breakfast, reading signs, labels, etc.

So I think what I'm trying to say is, if children aren't reading the books that are sent home with them, could they be encouraged to read in other ways? If they're not used to books being around at home maybe they find it daunting.

My house is full of books. Shelves and shelves of them. Did not encourage my son to read because he is dyslexic

Judgy isnt the word!!

WordFactory - how do you know that the parents don't care?

It is totally possible that the majority of parents at your school can't read. And the reason they don't come to parents evening is because they're scared.

Scared of school, and sick of being told off by the teachers for not reading to their child - when they can't read

I think in the majority of cases where the parents do not appear to be participating in the homework, it's for reasons other than them being Selfish Bad People. There may be other DC in the family with SN who need a lot of attention, or other family members who are ill, or as others have said, the parents can't read or don't speak much English or are working three low-paid jobs to keep the rent paid.

Becarooo I'm sorry your DS was only diagnosed so recently. You would think that ruling it in/out would be one of the first ports of call when a child is showing an obvious reluctance/inability to read. I can well imagine how judged you must have felt.

Out of interest (as you probably know way more about this than most by now), is dyslexia routinely checked for or do you have to request a diagnosis? And how common is it?

My view is based on their actions over the last few years.

As I say, I accept that there will be a few who have valid reasons, but for the rest it is simply a pervasive culture. School is nothing to do with them and they have no interest in it.

You can make up a million and one excuses, but I was brought up in culture like this so I know of what I speak. Which is why I volunteer.

I have many many books and can often be found with my nose stuck in one, I have also read to my DCs a lot. The school has set reading material BIFF AND BLOODY CHIP, they have to read them no other material is allowed. DS1 had a lot of problems reading mainly due to him not being able to see the words (his eyes were tested but found to be okay had him tested again as there was no improvement and found to have horrendous eye sight) it took a long while to get him intersted in books now he has free rein to read what ever is age appropriate he loves books.
DS2 (9) however will not read as he is still having to stick to the schools reading scheme, I have explained if he just gets through them he can read whatever he wants from the school library but is finding it a drag. At home I encourage him to read the books he wants but I will not force him, it is very difficult when the teachers are insisting that he reads what he is set but he gets upset when he has to continue with books he has no interest in and finds very boring

WordFactory - Your parents didn't read with you because they didn't care about your education?

And they are fluent readers themselves?

And they had time?

You are right, I know nothing about a culture like this.

Still not sure it is sad. They passed on their cultural values to you. As most parents want to do......

I wouldn't read the school reading schemes with them at home.
(obviously, I'd read the requisite amount, but then I would encourage the child to read what they're interested in)

quite often, and speaking as an anti-biff and chip person, the reading material from school is deathly boring, especially as the stories don't change enough to keep interest.
If i'd had to stick with that reading scheme, I would never have become a great reader.

My theory is that if the child reads what interests them, and have nothing out of bounds, then they will see reading as something fun and good to do.
That's what I had when I was little, and it's what I hope to pass onto my kids.
(they'll get the run of the shop anyhow )

just to put other side i do read nighlty but forget to write in the book sure im not only one

I never write in the exercise books that come home with the teachers comments in. Am I supposed to? What would I put? My kids do read tho. What do you write - DC read again today - every week. I mean what is there to say about reading. They either read it or they didn't.

Indigo fortunately for me my parents read to me religiously and listened to me read to them. This despite both leaving school at 15, my Mother semi literate, living in chaos and poverty. Despite them being knackered form holding down all manner of shit low paid jobs. Despite the fact that the culture we lived in was 'why bother?'

But I know that none of my other family members or peers were afforded this wonderful advantage.

And as for boring reading schemes, that has nothing to do with why these pupils are not read with. I wouldn't give a hoot if their parents were reading anything at all to them. Anyhting would do.

And parents forgetting to sign books. These parents are not forgetting. They simply don't think it's important.

But it is important. Hugely so.

Hmmm

I haven't listened to my dc's read. It's boring. I read to them - every night. I'm a great reader and they love story time.

My approach has worked wonders. Both older dc's have gone through school in top sets for literacy. Dd's reading age is 4 years above her actual age.

Teachers teach them to decode text. My job is to make them WANT to read.

Also - just because a parent isn't writing in the book, doesn't mean the child isn't reading. I don't write in DS's reading diary because I have no idea which of the encyclopaedias he falls asleep over every night he's been reading.

If you looked at my sons diary you would believe that I didn't read to him or listen to him read very often. At his school the only comments that are allowed in the book are those relating to the set reading scheme, he could have read shakespeare, understand it word for word but the teachers do not want to know that, they want to know what page he has got to on the set book. I can't get him to read the damn things and the situation is getting worse. He is not allowed into the school library to choose his own books until he has finished the scheme in its entirety (sp) and he won't read the set books because he is bored.

Reading is important, it also has to be enjoyable experience. I wish my DCs where like me and read everything that is put infront of them but they won't. With time and patience my eldest DC has come to learn that books are wonderful but it has had to be on his terms, I feel it will be the same with DC2.

Word - I don't fill in or sign reading diaries. For my child they seem a bit pointless.

I go further than sad, I feel slight disgust at people who don't read with small children. It teaches all sorts of things that aren't to do with literacy. I am very judgey about it.

its sad yes, but I have to say, I am utterley cr*p at remembering to write in DS1s reading diary. However he has had up to 3 or 4 kids books read to him every single night since he was a baby, as does DS2. Luckily both of them love being read to (atlhough not at the same time as we've discovered!)

shag you sound like you are doing what you think is right to embue a love a literature so you'll do for me .

But that is simply not the case for the majority of DC who attend the shcool where I volunteer. For a start, most of the pupils live in homes without any books.

I can see many perspectives on this...

1. Parents do not always write in reading diaries, despite children reading at home. So no note in diary doesn't necessarily mean no reading at home (blushes, think I last wrote in DD's diary at the beginning of year 1 ... though as she is never without a book in her hand, I suspect that school does know that she reads all the time)

1. School policy on reading diaries may be confusing. For example, for a child who reads the school book on the way home from school and then reads another book for the rest of the time, it's not always clear to parents how they should record the reading. Do only school books count, or should home books be recorded too? Only books which the child reads independently, or books that the child reads turn and turn about or picks up single words from?

1. Children may be extremely reluctant to read at home for a variety of reasons. This is a problem that the school should address, but I have every sympathy with a parent who refuses to spend precious time with their child every night after work with them screaming because they don't want to read.

1. Children may have a very time-consuming out of school activity, or spend the majority of the evening at group after school care and go straight to bed.

1. There may be no adult at home after school - more common than you would think, even with small children, who may spend most of their out of school time with a slightly older sibling or cousin.

1. Adults may work nights or shifts, meaning they don't coincide with their children's potential reading time.

1. There may be no literate adult in the house (I know that a fifth of my class falls into this category, and that is just the 'obvious' illiteracy, the figure is almost certainly higher with 'hidden' illiteracy or subliteracy taken into account)

1. Adults may have had such a negative experience of schooling themselves that they do not wish to engage in it any further than the law absolutely requires them to - ie delivering and collecting their children from school every day. These adults may be absolutely resistant to ANY school work at home.

1. Not everyoone believes reading is important. If you are an adult who has survived OK being illiterate or sub-literate, then your view of the importance of reading is not the same as the majority MN view IYSWIM.