To be upset when parents dont read with their children.

[AVoidkaTheKillerZombies]

I volunteer at DC's school doing an intensive reading programme for children who are not reading confidently or are having problems reading.

So many of the children have no one to read to at home, in fact the programme asks for the parents to read with the child at home. One parent actually refused the programme because she didnt want to commit to the input (5 minutes a night).

Some of the children have nothing written in the reading diaries and its so sad.

Very sad. I get a but freaked out when someones house has no books in whatsoever bar a cookbook or something. What a wonderful world to miss out on

I was surrounded by encyclopedias and books by authors/novelists which dad and mum used to read and the only 2 books I ever enjoyed and was interested in was Of mice and Men by John Steinbeck (which I read at high school) and Coma (don't remember the author). Although I have tried reading around 50+ books from thrillers to romance to comedy, there's not one book (other than the books above) I've tried reading that has kept me interested past 10 pages.

I think it's sad if the child is eager to read and a parent won't make 5 minutes to listen to them but equally if a child is struggling with their reading and not enjoying it insisting on them reading to you every day is likely to put them off even more. It might be better to take the pressure off at home and just read to them for a while in that case. So unless you know the reasons yabu imo.

I just don't understand why parents wouldn't do the bedtime story. I am an avid reader and I do fins many kids' books a bit dull but I do it every night and tonight she read to me for the first time; bliss!

YANBU

Meant to add that I read to my kids every night, point out words on signs etc and will normally have my nose stuck either in a cookery book or looking things up on the internet.

Hissy - have you read the thread? I think it's a big mistake to assume that because the parents don't fill in the school's RRB that the children aren't reading or being read to at home.

If your son doesn't like reading, I'd question whether making him read to every day is helpful or harmful.

i dont read in my dd4s reading diary, i mean she cant read, so what are they keeping track off? how often i read the set book to her? i am not sure what im suppossed to write, every time i read her a book i have to write it down? seriously!!

or am i supposed to write DD recognised the sounds but cant blend them, repeatedly until it clicks?

yabu - everyone has a different life. I love books but not everyone does.

For the programme we are doing the children have to read a book that they have chosen from the library, so no Biff and Chip (Thank God) :o

However the children have to read with a grown up that night for the programme to be effective. They understand this when the child is selected for the programme. One little girl who I was working with today, when I told her that I wanted her to take this book home and read the 2 pages with a grown up looked at me like I had sprouted another head and said she didnt think she would be able to as her Mum doesnt like to hear her read :(

Those are the type of children I mean.

And I can tell that no-one has read the text with the little girl when I have sent books home before.

How old was the child? My 4 yo could quite easily come out with a gem like that despite the fact I spend a good proportion of my day listening to her read.
Some parents might think that if their child is struggling with something and presumably not enjoying it (I know dd sees things she is less good at as more of a chore) then they don't need to be being assessed on it both at school and at home.
DD is a very advanced reader for her age and would happily read all day long. Her nursery have been great and are giving her books one level below where she was benchmarked because they're so keen not to push her too hard and put her off. However her writing is not great and not something she enjoys. I'm not sure I would be keen to agree with the school to make her practice it every day. She does practice but I think pushing the issue would make her dislike it more.

I hate reading with my kids..thankfully they are at the ages now where they can read the book themselves and just ask me if they don't know a word ! I really dislike reading with them, I just do not have the patience whatsoever !

A few points being made:

a) working parents. many children have working parents. I've always done reading at bedtime and longer bits at weekends so thats no excuse. Often the childminder / carer can hear the child read.

b) reading diaries. I just sign that he's read so the teachers know we've done it. If we don't write anything they never change the books and your child gets behind.... Eventually you get called in to explain why not reading and then I guess added to the list of children who have someone coming into the school during the day to hear them read.

c) dyslexia and similar - I suspect someone who reads with their child daily would be able to get a diagnosis quicker, and then get appropriate help. My brother was diagnosed aged 6 (even 25 years ago) as my mum knew he was struggling (he's the youngest of 4)

d) the reading scheme - if its inappropriate for your child then you have to speak to school, headteacher if you get nowhere. Different schemes work for different children and there is no point in being given books on the wrong level. DS1 in year 1 on level 5 of biff and chip and happy to read it, we read other stuff afterwards... but if you read other stuff with your child they wouldn't be the ones the school are worried about.

So yes OP, I feel sad for those whose parents don't take an interest in them learning to read.

I don't understand why people get upset and Sad' about other people not reading.
I will get upset about a child who is treated badly or is never spoken to or is called 'stupid' etc. There are parents who read 10 min every night but do nothing else. And many people of our generation were not read to as children and they read lots now. My dh is one of those.

My mum read to us. My dad never did. But he is the one who gave me the passion for music and theatre. We always had fun, played music, had conversations, visited theatre or 'perfoming' at home.

It is not like you do the 10 min reading and you are done.

p.s. I have an eccentric uncle who never bought books for my cousins. Instead he was encouraging them to think and to experience. They spent days making wine, having analytical discussions, took them around the world and they sailed in their boat. Both cousins are very intellectual.

FGS the thing to be sad about is that schools somehow assume that parents are going to want to read the school's set texts, to the school's timetable every evening. It is not a particularly satisfying way of developing a love of reading.

6.15 Get home after picking kid(s) up from after school club
Start cooking and trying to keep the peace
6.45 eat dinner (s)
7.00 kids do general homework, or maybe even spend time with the parent
7.30 kids bath and bed (and we all know they will instantly fall asleep)

Now that's a generous timetable, assumes the full time working parent hasn't actually sat down until dinner time. No other life after school, etc. Yes, the parent is really going to be up for enforced reading slotted in somewhere there then.

YABU

God save me from Biff & Chip (I'm going to have to go through that agony twice more though..... arrggggh!).

Seriously, though - is it important for me to listen to my DD1 read now? I appreciate this is slightly off topic as DD1 (aged 6 in yr2), is a fluent and confident reader and I understand that this post is really referring to children who have difficulty reading. DD1 brings home two school story books a night and reads them both (to herself), she tells me she's read them, I believe her and I tick them off (have never done more than simply tick the reading record even when I used to listen to her read). She then moves onto whatever books she actually wants to read and has taken out from the library. A couple of times a week I might sit and read her a chapter of whatever book she is currently reading (as she enjoys me reading to her), but I never bother to listen to her read any more as 4 yr old DD2 now gets that pleasure.

The school sent a note (general for DD1's class, not individual to me) saying we should all listen to our children read for 10 mins a night but I'm afraid I dismissed it as a bit of a waste of time as DD1 seems past that stage. I have 3 small children and DD1 can and does read. I think I am right, but if there is some reason I'm not aware of why I actually need to listen to her reading every night please tell me (I'm now worrying!).

Am I doing her a disservice by no longer making her read out loud to me? Why would I need to make her read to me?

"I don't fill in or sign reading diaries. For my child they seem a bit pointless."

Then it is unlikely that your child is on the sort of intensive reading programme that wordfactory is talking about

Whereas, for children who need that kind of intensive support, recording what they are reading at home is pretty important. And yes, it is very hard that some parents can't support their children's reading. But there are undoubtedly others that just don't see the point. And I think wordfactory is quite likely to know the difference, and entitled to feel sad.

Some parents CANT read. Illiteracy is a big problem.

Dont judge. If a parent is illiterate, it is unlikely they want their child to know their shortcomings.

I feel a bit stumped regarding the male role model thing for boys. DH is dyslexic, and whilst he is willing (when asked) to read ds a story, he reads the words wrong and it makes me cringe because I don't know if it's doing more harm than good IYSWIM. I feel awful correcting him - even though he's not proud, but the whole thing puts me on pins. Anyone got any advice? I've also been thrown by the fact that DD adored books from babyhood and would sit and listen for ages, whereas DS just wriggles & gets distracted or tries to close the book etc. He's only 12 months so I'll persevere, but if anyone has any ideas I'd be grateful.

Illiteracy is a hidden problem-the parents are not going to admit to it. It could be the reason, or having English as a second language.

I don't think there is an excuse for not reading to/with them unless perhaps neither parent can read. Though not all kids are as into books as others I think it's neglectful to not even try.

Nelly, my daughter also reads by herself now but I still hear her read. There is still a lot to learn I think other than being able to read the words. Also as DD1 is allowed to choose her own books I want to see what she's choosing. However apart from perhaps right at the beginning in reception class we've never religiously sat listening to her for ten minutes a night. It averages as probably more than ten minutes a night but sometimes it's half an hour, sometimes she just wants me to read to her or play a game instead. Sometimes (esp when she was still on ORT) she didn't want to read the set book but try something else. We write in the diary sometimes two/three nights in a row then nothing for a week or so. It averages out 2/3 entries a week.

It does give those who do have parents who spend time with them reading a huge advantage.

Aaah that's really sad!

I was always rubbish about writing in the reading record. From reception I hit on a good idea - getting them to write their own comment - much better, since they are the ones doing the reading - something about whether they liked it or what they thought might happen next - often their comments were fairly random and odd - but more interesting than eg " johnnie read to page 10" or "jane was tired tonight" or whatever.

Now they are a bit older and I am equally rubbish at remembering to sign the homework diary, but the same trick doesn't work now.