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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have reported this mum to the head teacher this morning?

163 replies

shagmundfreud · 07/11/2011 09:56

I was dropping ds and friend's dd to infants this morning and as I walked through the gate to the playground realised that the loud and hectoring voice I could hear was coming from a parent walking about 10 feet behind me having conversation on her mobile. Between coming through the gate and reaching the classroom she swore five times at least ('he's fucking useless', 'I'm not fucking having him break his promises to her! Etc) in such a loud voice that both the children with me turned and looked at me in alarm and asked why she was swearing. Was I unreasonable to phone the head when I got home and ask her to say something to this mum? Or should I have quietly said something myself (and risk getting slapped - she's much younger and tougher than me .

On a slightly separate note - feel sad for her kids that their mum is having angry public conversations about their dad (several other things she said point to this being what she was probably talking about).

OP posts:

giveitago · 07/11/2011 13:34

But your kids must have heard swearing before if they identified it as swearing. Not ideal but does it make much difference if it happened in school playground or a metre off school premises where same children would still hear?

Not condoning but your kids know what swear words are. Mine doesn't. He'd have been scared of the tone of voice perhaps.

halcyondays · 07/11/2011 13:43

I can't imagine the Head would actually go and speak to her, if it happens a lot they might ask parents not to swear in a school newsletter or something, but in practice there isn't much the school can do. Dh heard a dad once who was effing this and effing that at the school gate and we were a bit but we would never have thought to report it to the school. I've heard it sometimes myself too, it's not ideal but it happens.

ElphabaisWicked · 07/11/2011 13:50

YANBU. I have heard of parents being banned from the playground for using language like that (though a warning is usually given first). Dh used to teach in schools and we still have lots of teacher friends. It would not be tolerated.

somewherewest · 07/11/2011 13:52

Just as well you weren't a fly on the wall when I was trying to negotiate the one way system from hell in the middle of a very stressful situation this morning .

Seriously, I really don't get the point of getting so worked up about it. Some people swear. Shrug

LorainneK · 07/11/2011 14:17

I agree with lyingwitch and some other posters - you are right to be upset about the swearing but it is nothing to do with the headteacher. Either speak to the woman yourself or if you are worried about her giving you a slap then just leave it and avoid her in the future.

PeppaPigandGeorge · 07/11/2011 14:26

How is behaviour on school grounds nothing to do with the headteacher? As ElphabaisisWicked said, I would expect a parent who repeatedly swore on school grounds to be banned.

RightUpMyRue · 07/11/2011 14:33

Does anyone else click on these threads, or other similarly titled threads about some recent mis-demeanor a mum has just done, just to make sure it's not you who is being complained about? You know, just in case you did something awful at the school gate this morning but hadn't realised you'd committed a parenting sin?

Perhaps it's just my paranoia?

fuzzynavel · 07/11/2011 14:46

Don't think I'd ring the head teacher to say a parent was swearing in the playground. But as it was on the schools premises then yes, you are within your rights to call. They'll just add it to the news letter or send out a note.

BsshBossh · 07/11/2011 14:46

The problem with the OP's initial post is that it isn't clear that the swearing took place in the playground...

Original poster

shagmundfreud · 07/11/2011 14:47

Rightupmyrue - swearing loudly and repeatedly in the school playground with 6 year old children standing 5 feet away is scummy behaviour - can't imagine there are many mums here who'd do it. But then, you never know ......

OP posts:

PeppaPigandGeorge · 07/11/2011 14:48

"Between coming through the gate and reaching the classroom she swore five times at least "

Seems quite clear to me she was in the playground.

sozzledchops · 07/11/2011 14:54

Shame this seems normal or accepted at some schools, swearing or any kind of off behaviour would be unacceptable at my kids school. Parking is another thing though.

sozzledchops · 07/11/2011 14:58

And of course this kind of behaviour has everything to do with the head teacher. I would have said something myself to the mum though and let it go if it was a one off. If I saw this behaviour being repeated by the same people or being common in general then I would probably approach the head.

Toplistmaker · 07/11/2011 15:01

Haha feel sorry for your schools head teacher!

scuzy · 07/11/2011 15:08

wonders if head teacher swore at OP after she left

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 07/11/2011 15:16

I think you're a bit snidey actually, OP, with that last post of yours. Swearing isn't nice to hear but what a sorry example YOU set your children. You don't want your children to hear swearing so... instead of tackling the other parent, you complain to the headteacher. Ever heard of grasping the nettle? I've read several accounts from posters who've had similar experiences to yours but actually stood up to be counted. They seemed to have good results but you'll never know, will you, not whilst there's somebody else to run to.

WinterIsComing · 07/11/2011 15:20

Difficult. On one hand if I do swear while occasionally losing it with reprimanding awful negative spoilt eye-rolling pre-teen my beloved and adored DD it is in the privacy of my own home and I wouldn't dream of doing it in public so it implies a lack of control which is worrisome: what would that person do IN the house?

Then again swearing is really normal for some people and doesn't mean they must be violent.

LieInsAreRarerThanTigers · 07/11/2011 15:28

I hear swearing by parents, in conversation with each other or on mobiles, nearly every day at our school and I don't think it is right, but would not report it to the head. The other day, the head was involved in breaking up an angry argument between 2 mums - she calmly escorted one for a chat in her office while encouraging the other one to leave quietly. They weren't actually swearing though.

I don't think I would ever have the guts to confront one of the swearers and wouldn't recommend it!

fatlazymummy · 07/11/2011 15:57

If it happened in the playground and you considered it offensive then you had a right to report it to the headteacher, though I personally would have considered it over reacting in this situation. Headteachers can ban parents from school premises, this actually happened to a parent at my son's school a few years ago, in this case it was for racially offensive language.
It is always possible that this particular parent may make a habit of this sort of behaviour and may have quite a few complaints against her.

Lookattheears · 07/11/2011 16:07

Once there was a scrap between two Rough Mums outside my children's old school. The Head banned one of them from the school grounds.

At their present school there are no Rough Mums. There is a strict Boden and Joules Playground Dress Code and primark p'j's just won't cut it.

Original poster

shagmundfreud · 07/11/2011 16:17

Lying witch - you're ignoring what I said earlier about the fact that I had 3 children with me, that she was on her mobile in a highly angry emotional state with headphones on, and that I didn't want to risk being sworn at in front of my autistic ds who reacts very badly to outbursts of emotion.

OP posts:

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 07/11/2011 16:50

I'm not ignoring you, OP, really, but I think you're going to have to have a think about how you'll cope with this kind of thing in future. One of the posters made a point about you seeing a 'snapshot' of the swearing-woman's day. That's true. It doesn't make it right that she was swearing but I still think you overreacted by involving the teacher. If you didn't want a reaction from the swearer, maybe just walking on buy with your children would have been enough - with an explanation to them if necessary why swearing isn't nice.

I'll leave it now OP but you've been so sure of your righteousness in all this I'm surprised that you asked.

ozpom73 · 07/11/2011 16:57

As a teacher, I fully support you contacting the head - what a horrible situation for you and your children to be put into. Any adult coming into a school should be mindful of using appropriate language. You are definitely NOT being unreasonable!

2BoysTooLoud · 07/11/2011 16:59

I don't think you are over reacting op. I have ignored swearing in the past as mum concerned may possibly deck me plus nervous of sweary gang. However I have seen the head confront a parent when she heard her swearing profusely in the playground. Head threatened to ban her from the school premises if she heard such disgusting language again [would have had to take child to office instead of class].
Not sure why you are getting such a hard time.

porcamiseria · 07/11/2011 17:03

grow the fuck up!!!! tell her , not teacher

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