To have reported this mum to the head teacher this morning?

[shagmundfreud]

I was dropping ds and friend's dd to infants this morning and as I walked through the gate to the playground realised that the loud and hectoring voice I could hear was coming from a parent walking about 10 feet behind me having conversation on her mobile. Between coming through the gate and reaching the classroom she swore five times at least ('he's fucking useless', 'I'm not fucking having him break his promises to her! Etc) in such a loud voice that both the children with me turned and looked at me in alarm and asked why she was swearing. Was I unreasonable to phone the head when I got home and ask her to say something to this mum? Or should I have quietly said something myself (and risk getting slapped - she's much younger and tougher than me .

On a slightly separate note - feel sad for her kids that their mum is having angry public conversations about their dad (several other things she said point to this being what she was probably talking about).

Hardgoing - school is great. Kids are (mostly) lovely. Just some of the parents get you down. But bar winning the lottery we're stuck with it!

Re: drip feeding - I'm on my phone so tend not to write long posts.

But I do take on what people are saying about confronting this mum myself - it would have been difficult stopping her mid phone conversation with four children standing next to us listening in. And I personally would find it hard to approach her after school, hours later, and say something. I wish I had more courage.

YABU
Seriously you reported her. That's a bit snitchy isn't it?

YANBU This is a problem that could potentially affect a number of children, not just the OPs, and the head needs to know that this sort of language is being used loudly just outside the school. I find the use of this sort of language in front of small children deeply offensive, and the aggression that sems to have gone with it in these circumstances. Would OP have had such a negative response from posters on here if she had reported a strange man hanging about outside the gates?

Shagmund, all they will do is write a generic letter reminding everyone that they expect certain standards of behaviour on school property and what these are, to create a calm start for the children. They are very likely to tackle her individually, for the reason you have identified yourself!

My mum used to teach in a rougher school, one of the mum's came in one morning, shoved her daughter forward and said 'here's the little bitch, I can't do a thing with her'. Sad that so many children live in atmospheres of aggression but what can you do? (except expect them not to bring it onto school property and run past the gates!)

You should not have to put up with this behaviour at a primary school though.
Your children should not be subjected to this kind of language.
Personally I think that a polite remonstration would be fine, she might look tough but when confronted with reason and politeness they usually back down and look completely shocked that someone even approached them.

As for teachers having better things to do, well if you are a TA and that is your attitude then I feel sorry for the school you work in. Teachers are supposed to make time for the adults as well as the children. We our entitled to send our children into a safe environment in which they can learn. If adults are on school premises swearing away for all to hear then it IS up to the school to do something. Different if it was outside, but once in school teachers have a duty to safeguard children. When I was a TA I used to stop parents from swearing, tell teenagers to get off their bikes in the playground etc. I saw that as part of my job.

Ok, OP.... having given this some thought, I probably would have done this:

On hearing the swearing, theatrically clamped my hands around my child's ears, turned around (taking care not to twist the child's head off), and given a withering swear to the potty-mouthed perp, coupled with a "Oi, I don't want my child to have to listen to that..." or some other suitable phrase (without swearing in it).

Higgle - the mum was swearing loudly in the playground and as she walked through the door of the building my ds's classroom is in. 2 feet behind my ds. I wouldn't have raised it if it had happened outside school - even just outside the gate. It's the fact that it's on the premises that makes it the heads business.

You don't give up parental responsibility for your children the minute they get to school, so if someone's behaviour upset your child, when you were there, then you, ought to have dealt with it.

PMSL at ringing the head. You were too chicken shit (see, I've regressed to school age) to deal with her yourself, so have tried to pass it on to the head. Why should she do what you are too scared of doing? The head is head teacher to the children, not the parents.

I would imagine that this won't be the first or last time your dc hear someone swearing and even though lots of people dislike bad language, for some people it is their 'norm', so you can't avoid it really. You would have been better to have a quiet word with your kids about what constitutes appropriate behaviour in a school ( I do agree with you that she was very wrong to do it) and leave it at that. I would have only involved the head if she was swearing at her kids.

shag - I think it is fine to speak to the head about it.

He can either issue a general note to parents about behaviour in the playground - we do it all the time re smoking, dogs and swearing. Or he can speak to her directly.

TBH I would rather someone do that than approach a parent directly, especially if the parent is the sort that might cause a stand up row or worse as as happened in the past.

Lying witch - I had 2 children with me. This woman was so absorbed in her conversation (headphones in) I would have had to have got her to stop her conversation and take her headphones out. Not easy when you have 2 children plus pushchair and have streams of children and parents pushing past you. And by the time I'd offloaded my kids she'd gone.

Sounds like she'd kind of forgotten where she was, if she was that absorbed. She probably feels mortified now.

I would have kicked her right in the fannhy.

... that was the flaw in my plan, OP. You only have two hands and they have four ears between them.

Might have worked for effect though? Clamping your hands on the two outside ears.

Karma - if she'd walked in behaving aggressively with a lit fag and blowing smoke all over my children (also, like sweating and littering against school rules) would it still be my responsibility as another parent to deal with her behaviour or would it have been down to the head?

Whoops swearing

Sweating is allowed. Expected even.

YABVVU Why not say something to her yourself? To report her to the head is just passive aggressive

No I think she did the right thing to call the head. He might be able to send a letter home to everyone or maybe mention it in the next newsletter, to remind parents to refrain from swearing on school grounds infront of children. I hate it when people swear infront of children.

YANBU. I think it has everything to do with the school, and is absolutely within their remit, if the other parent was using the language on school premises!

I think the head teacher can and should insist on certain standards of behaviour in the playground, and if people cannot stick to them then they should expect to be banned from the playground.

I'd think that the best you can hope for is a sympathetic head who perhaps puts something in the next school newsletter reminding parents about standards of behaviour hoped for on school premises. Sadly someone who uses language like that round children may not realise it is pointed at them. I totally understand why you might be reluctant to confront them.

Maybe since your options are limited, you could just use it as an opportunity to talk to your DCs about how some people do use language like that, and that you hope they understand it wasn't pointed at them, and that you'd hope they never feel a need to copy it. Or something.

Try not to let it rattle you, and move on.

I'm with the OP on this one too - if the head doesnt know that parents are effing and blinding in the school yard then he/she should be grateful to have the opportunity to remind all parents that swearing on school grounds is not appropriate.

I'd have bottled saying something direct to the mum too.

Well in fairness, if it's actually on the playground and a member staff was aware of it, they'd be duty-bound to address it with the parents. So if it's on school property, it wouldn't out of turn for the HT to send out a polite note say no swearing.

A school near where I used to live had some right sewer-mouth mothers dropping their kids off.

Letters would go out infrequently to remind them 1) not to swear on school premises and 2) not to smoke on the playground.

Whether or not they can be arsed to respect it is one thing, but they can't say there weren't told.

OP YANBU

If someone was blowing smoke all over my dc, then yes, I would have a word with the person myself. I can see why you were reluctant to deal with this yourself, but I take the view that I wouldn't ask someone to do something that I wouldn't be prepared to do myself. I consider my dc to be primarily my responsibility even when they are on school grounds, so wouldn't have been able to stop myself from saying something if an adult upset my dc.

I'd leave the littering to the head/staff to deal with and wouldn't report it - it feels a bit like snitching to report someone over litter, even though it is bad behaviour from the adult doing the littering.

I do think smoking is different to swearing, in that smoking is a health hazard and swearing isn't.

I'm not trying to compare swearing to smoking, I'm just highlighting that things that went on, on the playground that the head didn't like, were addressed by the head herself.

Some parents won't mind smoking, if they smoke around their own DC, some parents won't mind dogs, or swearing either. The point being is that there are rules which most school abide by and the HT to whom I refer in my post, wasn't afraid to take charge of her playground.

I can only respect her for it.

YANBU. The swearing took place on school premises and the school should be made aware of it, if only to send a letter to parents/carers reminding them that it's not appropriate to swear around children.