to ignore my son whacking a little girl?

[Nicdigby]

My 4 year old son has NEVER (honestly) hit another child (apart from his brother). Seriously - he is very gentle (too gentle really) and will just take it if kids hit him, or run away crying.

His 2 year old brother broke his collar bone last week and is in a sling, all trussed up.

There was a little girl (about 2.5 - 3 yrs) at playgroup this morning who hit my 2 year old DS several times. I remove him from situation. Other mother does nothing. The same little girl has been a thug at the same playgroup before, hitting other children while the mother does nothing. Really annoys me, that type of behaviour (not the hitting child - I know they go through stages. But the mothers who do nothing about it while their child is hurting others, that really upsets me).

Same little girl this afternoon in playground hits and pushes 2 year old DS 4 or 5 times. My DS does really well at controlling himself and does not retaliate. Other mother is standing right there and does nothing, again.

As I get up to intervene, the little girl hit DS on his broken collar bone (not in plaster). He bursts into tears. Whereupon my older 4 year old DS slaps her hard round the head. Other mother looks at me like I should now be doing something.

I'm afraid I thought to myself "good, well done older son".....AIBU?

This will kick off.

I can understand where you're coming from but, no, under no circumstances is it okay to condone one child hitting another.

Sorry, but if my 2 year old had a broken collar bone and I couldn't avoid taking him to a play group/the playground, I'd be hovering so close that no-one would be able to get near him.

no YANBU

I'd have laughed and said "Well now she sees what she gets for hitting doesn't she"

Seriously? You'd think it okay that your kid stooped to that level?

I would have been really proud if older ds told her to stop and go away, but not slapping a child two years younger than himself around the head.

I think yabu, it's never acceptable to allow your dc to hit another child, but I can see why he did.

Good on your DS protecting little brother. Tell other mother where to get off.

I would have said something to the girl earlier. If she was repeatedly hitting and the mother wasn't taking any action, I'd have told her off (in the mother's hearing) and said pointedly that my child had an injury so be gentle with him.

what on earth are you doing putting your injured ds into a situation where you KNOW from previous experience that he is likely to be hit. you are weird.

Strandedbear Oh yes, I DID say something to my little boy and led him away from the situation. The point is that in my head I was thinking "good, well done older son", as opposed to my usual telling them off, getting them to apologise, saying sorry to the mother stuff. I was thinking "good, serves her right".

YANBU. I would have thought the same as you did! And as has been said, maybe now the mother will step in when her daughter starts antagonising other kids.

Male hits female, but she deserved it. Now where I have I heard that before?

mummyDoIT yes, I had done that earlier

grumpypants I was at a playgroup and then the playground. Other mother comes in afterwards on both occasions. Should I have left?

kladdkaka got to be said, my older son is tiny, so the little girl is the same size as him.

Um - wondering why you didn't tell the other mother the first time that your DS has a broken bone and to please keep her DD off him?

It shouldn't have been down to your DS1

and I have never ever seen him hit anyone before, I was so shocked. But was still inwardly thinking "yes, he's finally standing up to being hit / his brother being hit"

YANBU......I would've thought the same

Male hits female, but she deserved it. Now where I have I heard that before?

But you deliberately ignore the female-hits-male angle.

TBH, at that age, gender shouldnt even come into it Bullies, big or small generally meet someone who whacks harder than them. Dress it up and bubble wrap it all you want but life is one big pecking order. Early lesson learned.

A good rule to teach your children is never hit first, just make sure you hit back harder. That way they don't become lifes victims.

.

grimma had told her that morning, and he was in a big sling with the hospital stickers on it saying "I've been brave".

You should have stood up for your 2yo son, and stepped in before it got to this. You do know that it's OK to intervene when another child is hurting yours, right? Just something like 'play nicely' or 'it's not nice to hit'.

..and you should have said 'Can you ask your daughter to stop hitting my son please' in a straightforward tone of voice that will show her up and call her on her crappy avoidant parenting.

Telling your 4yo that it's OK to hit another child it wrong. YABU. OBVIOUSLY.

"good, serves her right"

"not the hitting child - I know they go through stages"

So.. which one is it?

He's 4! It's not DV. It's a little boy reacting to his brother being hurt. He was probably a bit confused by how many 'goes' at his brother this girl got, with no consequences. I'm sure OP doesn't advocate violence as a solution to all problems but really, it doesn't sound like a question of 'allowing' her son to hit another child. She didn't cheer and shout 'way to go DS1 give her a good thumping'. She led him away and spoke to him about. Seriously 'male hits female, but she deserved it'???

troisgarcons
A good rule to teach your children is never hit first, just make sure you hit back harder. That way they don't become lifes victims

Do you actually teach your kids that? Although I was proud of DS for sticking up for his brother and would hate for either of them to be bullied, I am not sure I am comfortable with teaching them to hit back harder?