to think that, in general, people in the UK have an appalling attitude towards academically bright children?

[AKMD]

I realise that that's a sweeping generalisation but it irks me. I am academically bright and had a dreadful time at school, not really from the other children, but from the teachers and friends' parents, who were quite sneery and mocked me infront of the whole class/friends if I ever did get anything wrong. It always felt that they were waiting for me to trip up and that they resented me just because I was good all-rounder (terrible at art though!). That was only 7 years ago. Since then, I've seen it happen time and again when people openly jeer at others who are clever, especially girls and women, and it's seen as completely acceptable. Just a few weeks ago on here, I was really shocked when a mother posted in Children's Books about her 18mo DD liking books and asked for age-appropriate suggestions, to be met with sarcasm about introducing her to Joyce and applying to Mensa. I've seen one regular MNer who clearly has bright children be sneered at when she said that the gap between her DDs' intellectual and emotional maturity caused them social problems: "Oh, poor you, it must be sooo hard to have clever children ."

AIBU to think that this attitude is disgusting and that the obstacles placed in the way of bright children are one of the reasons why we as a country are increasingly going to struggle to compete in a global market?

I cannot say I have really picked up on this attitude you mention but if your teachers were sneering at you and mocking you in front of the class, well that is disgraceful.

I totally agree, also the fact that academically bright children have to be statemented as special needs before they can get any help to advance seems wrong.

I was bright at school and had a dreadful time. I was also obnoxious. Plenty of nice bright people got on just fine.

I think you are probably right. There is a boy in my DS's class who is extremely bright (they are in Y1) and I have heard some of the other parents in the playground making really sneery comments about this little boy and it really does come across as simple jealousy. If this boy's behaviour steps even a tiny bit out of line, people will start making negative comments about him, saying he's a bully and also arrogant. Also, he is mocked for his sporting ability (he isn't great at sport) and this is only "acceptable" because he is so clever.

He isn't my son! But I do feel very sorry for him and also his mum because the nastyness is starting to mean that he really isn't fitting in with the other children.

God, seems I haven't changed much. That post sounded awful . Really sorry. I guess I deserved to be picked on. Generally though, kids will look for something to pick on that appears different and it could be being bright or not bei g bright, larger or smaller than average, wearing glasses or the wrong shoes. Your thing was being bright. Not sure why the teachers were involved

It prob. depends on the school you were at. I went to a grammar school and we had a lot of bright people and some really clever ones. Our head boy went to Cambridge with A levels in Latin/Greek/Russian. Another boy had special tuition in maths as he was gifted in that field and we had a lot of girls who went to Oxbridge. No-one sneered at them and often we shook our heads at their talents. Generally the higher achieving the school, the less likely the sneers imo

Some people are just nasty. Some clever people are damn arrogant. I see plenty of clever children in school and the only ones who ever get a hard time are the ones who are arrogant and sneer at the less able children.

My dd was a bright young thing in primary, but she was always willing to help out others and never got picked on for being bright.

And lmao @ Familydilemma being obnoxious.

I went to school in a country with a talented and gifted programme, when we moved to the UK there was no such thing. I got bored and couldn't be bothered so didn't do as well as I could have. The teachers didn't have time/ weren't bothered that I wasn't being challenged enough.

I agree with you OP, although I havent seen that attitude on MN.

I was very gifted academically at school, I did very well in English, Art, History, Graphic Design and Science, I was average to good in Maths and French. I also read (and still do) ALOT.

My own mum was quite sneery towards me, teased me for being a 'bookworm', 'boffin' and a 'geek', although I ahve heard that she would boast to anyone who'd listen that i was so clever, and the 'smart one' out of her 4 kids . I also had a hard time at school on occasion, it was an inner city school, and I was enrolled onto the giften and talented childrens programme.
It was only because I was also a bit of a gobshite that i didnt get more stick.

It's incredibly sad.

I think you're probably right.

I had the great pleasure of being both among the best in the school in some areas (languages, humanities, some performing arts) and among the poorest performers in others (maths, sports, dancing). Nowadays I'm fairly sure I would have been diagnosed with dyspraxia or dyscalculia. Then I couldn't win. I was certainly not popular for it!

What does imao mean?

I think that describing yourself as academically bright is setting yourself up for a kicking.

Jelously is a difficult problem and sadly adults can be jelous of those with gifted children.

Prehaps it shows the importance of developing social skills in gifted children to learn the importance of not showing off. Prehaps other children need help in learning how to manage difficult emotions like jelously. Schools also need a strong anti bullying policy.

I like my son's school where bright children are catered for in a very low key way.

Laugh my arse off

I wasn't that obnoxious... Very shy actually.

It just seems to be me that bright children are an acceptable target for bullying by adults. Children will find any excuse or none for bullying but clever children are somehow fair game for everyone. I saw an article on the BBC website a week or so ago linking poor performance at school by black boys to their fear of having their masculinity challenged if they performed well. Does society really think that clever boys are somehow not 'proper' boys? I would argue that yes, it does. You only have to look at how the female member of a University Challenge team a couple of years ago was ripped to pieces in the media and was rumoured to be a lesbian simply because she knew almost every answer to see that the same is true for girls. When she got an answer wrong, the press was so gleeful it was indecent.

Having seen the same attitude on MN, I thought I'd bring it up.

I think there is a fine line between being clever and being obnoxious! We all think our children are gifted or special - and coming on to a forum and posting that your child is gifted is a bit OTT. Perhaps, if she had just asked for advice the op would have received a better response.

I don't think clever children are bullied/ostracized - if anything there are so many avenues and opportunities available ...

Ah-thanks! I do wish there had been lessons in humility and understanding people at school. I'd have been in bottom set but might have learnt some lessons more quickly and easily than the self taught route.

Bullying anyone is wrong though - not just bright people.

It's the whole attitude towards bullying that is wrong.

I was a nice, bright kid, went to the local comp and was bullied and belittled.

I wasn't arrogant. Far from it - painfully painfully shy. Kept myself to myself and worked hard on my schoolwork, which I loved. Did nothing to offend or provoke anybody. I didn't dare speak up in class for fear of having the mickey taken out of me, as had happened the once or twice I did so.

I was socially inept as my parents didn't socialise much. I am determined that my DCs will be different.

IME, it wasn't just the bright kids, it was anyone who appeared to be trying/working hard. I do think THAT attitude perpetuates in many workplaces, although maybe not as much in the current economy. The idea that you should be doing the bare minimum, and anything more than that is showing off.

I haven't seen that attitude on MN. The only relevant thread I can think of is the one where the mother wanted to get her 2 year old's IQ tested, because she thought it would help her with job applications as an adult. Which was obviously daft and was accordingly mocked!

I agree bright children can have a difficult time in some schools though. And bullying is obviously wrong whateve the cause.

It wasn't the OP who posted about her bright children having social problems, it was one of the replies in a 200-post thread where someone said something offhand about bright kids getting it in the neck too and then it kicked off. But why shouldn't a poster be able to ask about helping their clever children with bullying at school and devloping socially without getting the 'poor you' responses? Do people honestly think that clever children get so many advantages later in life that they should expect a bit of bullying, social exclusion and loss of self-confidence at a young age?

I also think that it is the height of insensitivity to be posting on a board like MN where there are a lot of long-time posters with children who have very special needs (medical, educational) that are really being ignored and having their lifelines cut to be moaning about the fact that your child is not getting the enrichment that you think they deserve!

Surely as a parent you have a library card, access to good free museums and many other opportunities to enrich their lives instead!

It is a bit like complaining that you can't come out on a salary of ££££ ...

I think being academically bright has been uncool since time immemorial. Not sure why since the evidence seems to suggest that the geeks shall inherit the earth. However, can't see it changing anytime soon.

It's not uncool in China :o

Itsjustafleshwound MN is a forum for all parents, not just those with SN. Should a new poster not post about their problems in case it offends someone who's been here for a long time? Everyone has their problems and I wasn't aware that there was some sort of MN competition to see who has the worst ones.