AIBU? Rubbernecking at a funeral?

[Loonytoonie]

I'm prepared to accept that I'm wrong on this.

I've had a mild falling out with a couple of other Mum's at my DC's primary school.

DS's teacher lost his daughter just before half-term started, in really tragic circumstances. We as parents were informed by letter that he would be absent for quite some time and the news slowly filtered through about the depth of this poor man's loss. Some of us parents have sent sympathy cards via the school.

But, the funeral has already been announced in the county press, and some Mum's are planning on attending. I was asked this morning in the school yard whether I'd be planning on going too, and I was a bit taken aback to be honest. I thought it was disrespectful to go and was tantamount to voyeurism, and said as much. I know I'm not going to be popular by the silence that followed.

My point is this - While we all adore this Teacher, he is simply, our children's Teacher and I think that rubber necking at a funeral is such an intrusion of privacy. An intrusion of this man's grief and his family's grief.

What would you all do?

Thanks Loonytoonie

I should say, we did appreciate all the cards and flowers etc that people sent to us, and everyone who came to the funerals was there because they genuinely cared for us and wanted to support us and pay respects to our son and daughter.

It was just that particular woman who had said some horrible things under the guise of trying to be comforting and who I know would have arrived with her sister and her aunt, they seem to go everywhere together and are all very similar.

She seemed to be almost enjoying the tragedy of it all and her/their presence would have been, as you say, an intrusion. So I understand what you mean, I'm not offended by your title because it does actually sum up the way I felt when she was dropping some very heavy hints about wanting to come along. I felt it was just a day out for her and I would have been hurt and angry that my child's funeral was used in that way by anybody.

I get that you can never be sure of people's motives, and yes I suppose it's a bit... mean?..... to assume that people who are only loosele connected with the deceased/bereaved are "rubbernecking".

However, it's naive to think that grief tourism doesn't happen.

Look at all the people who made a day out of visiting Soham. Some people were actually parking themselves on bloody deckchairs in the graveyard FFS. And all this DESPITE the residents of Soham pleading for privacy.

*loosely