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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

erm.. chocolate finger for 10 month old at nursery?

355 replies

DuelingFanjo · 31/10/2011 18:31

I didn't put anything on his form saying that I didn't want him to have cakes/biscuits/chocolate so maybe I am being unreasonable but I was a bit Shock to be told that the nursery had given DS a chocolate finger today. I said 'oh, really?' but now I am home I think that actually I am stupid for not saying something and now I feel annoyed with them and annoyed with myself.

What to do Sad? I have to say something. I was told that they feed the babies healthy food, no juice and so on so I thought they might know that chocoloate fingers for a baby that old is not normal? Or is it? Am I the weird one?

It's a good nursery, highly recommended and they haven't done anything I don't like before.

OP posts:
diddl · 01/11/2011 08:42

Was it a one off or is it a regular thing?

porcamiseria · 01/11/2011 09:16

I think you should report them to OFSTED

bruffin · 01/11/2011 09:27

Chocolate isn't unhealthy for babies. It's only unhealthy if that is all they eat, just as only eating oranges and nothing else is unhealthy.

Original poster
DuelingFanjo · 01/11/2011 09:43

sorry Diddl... it's the first time they have told me that he has had a chocolate finger but I am not sure if it's the first time they have given him one. I hope so given that they already reassured me that their snacks were healthy. I have only ever seen him have rice-cakes and fruit type snacks in the past. I think it was a halloween thing but I will find out if it's a one off or if it's likely to happen at every celebration.

I will speak to the nursery manager later and ask if I could add a 'I am fine with him having the occassional sugary snack but would not like him to have cake, chocolate or processed foods as a regular thing' kind of statement to his paperwork.

I personally would like to retain some control for as long as I can over what kind of foods my child eats, particularly during these early months. Apologies if this goes against what others choose to do.

OP posts:
LizzieMo · 01/11/2011 09:54

If I were you I would sort this out before the Christmas party, and as well as saying you don't want him to have sugary treats, to agree a procedure if he isn't perfectly happy with his piece of fruit when other babies around him have biscuits/cakes. Would you be happy for them to keep saying no on your behalf even if he is screaming the place down all the way through the party? What would you like them to do if he lunges at another child and grabs the biscuit from them??? Or are you really saying 'I don't think any of the other children should have treats because I have decided mine shouldn't' , which is how you are coming across TBH.

Original poster
DuelingFanjo · 01/11/2011 10:05

See Lizzie, at this age the only reason I can see that he wouldn't be happy with fruit would be if he was used to and aware of the difference between fruit and cake. By not giving him cake and biscuits I am not creating a situation in which he can have a preference - hence why I am unhappy that someone else has.

As others have said I don't understand why a 10 month old baby needs to develop a taste for that kind of sugary thing when they can have healthier natural fruit sugars instead.
Yes - he will have chocolate etc later but this whole 'you're denying him while the rest of the babies are tucking in' business is just some kind if strange emotional manipulation that parents like to lay on eachother and I just can't understand why!

I don't mean to come across as saying that I think other parents shouldn't give their children sugary treats - at least I don't think my posts have overtly said so! I admit I am always very shocked when I see small babies, who probably aren't even at the weaning stage yet, having chocolate buttons put in their mouths. I can't help but wonder 'why do that to your baby' same as I do when I see a small child with a can of coke.

Maybe it does put me in a minority to have thought carefully about my child's diet and what kind of food I would like them to be eating at this early stage, I really didn't realise that I was until I started this thread as most of my family do feel the same about the early years. My own mum has never tried to give my son anything with chocolate or cake or crisps; it's not something we do. I am not saying we (as adults) don't have treats but I do think we have a healthy approach to food and I am certainly more of a savory person than a person with a sweet tooth.

My son will be about 16 months at Easter and I can't see myself giving him any easter eggs so you are definitely right that I should make this clear to the nursery before then.

thank you.

OP posts:
larrygrylls · 01/11/2011 10:20

Dueling,

I think you are living in a very idealistic world of PFB. You cannot give your baby preferences for things; babies are incredibly individual in how and what they eat.

Our first son had incredibly bad reflux so any calorie was a good calorie (one of the reasons I hate the expressions "bad calories" or "empty calories"). Calories are energy and there is no such thing as a bad calorie per se, merely good and bad diets. So, basically, he is now 2.5 yrs and loves puddings, chocolates and all things sweet. Nonetheless, strangely, two of his favourite foods are fruit and salads, so much so that he often asks for a salad for lunch. Despite his sweet tooth, he is still skinny, though healthily so, on about the 15th centile.

Our second son is just coming up one year. He looks quite chubby but is actually on about the 50th centile and very active. He is basically fed the same as the first including puddings and chocolate (in moderation, one small choc a day) and has been since 6 months. He loves all foods but he is really a carb addict and carnivore and his favourite foods are a full roast or spag bog. Bizarrely, he often declines his pudding, although he does like choc.

That is obviously highly anecdotal but does show food preferences are not purely controlled by childrens' parents and what they are introduced to at what age. Personally, as far as I am concerned, as long as they eat a balanced meal first, they are welcome to something "unhealthy" afterwards, as long as the portions are appropriate and it is "good quality". Human beings are omnivores and I think that, as long as processed food is limited, they tend to instinctively go for a healthy balance.

4madboys · 01/11/2011 10:20

well my dd is also 10mths and i wouldnt be happy if someone gave her a chocolate finger, there is NO need! we were at a party a week ago when someone wanted to give her a party ring biscuit, i declined and gave her some fruit and a rice cake which she was more than happy with and she isnt my pfb she is my 5th child and none of them have really had chocolate before one, prob nearer to 18mth+

they dont need it, i will give her some home made bday cake, i will probably make a banana load or something for her birthday and she gets the odd taste of a finger of some sweet stuff if the boys are having it, ie ice cream, but she doesnt need to eat a portion of it.

and the nursery my eldest son went to didnt have chocolate fingers etc or stodgy puddings they had fruit for afters and on a birthday they would have got a small piece of cake but not at 10mths old!

DitaVonCheese · 01/11/2011 10:26

Ack, Easter. I still eat police how much chocolate DD gets at Easter (none first year, bit second year) and will do this year (when she'll be 3) as well.

FWIW OP I don't think any of your posts have suggested that no other children at nursery should have sugary snacks. And I was a bit Hmm when my CM gave (under 12 month) DD things like spaghetti hoops on toast because that wasn't my idea of a healthy diet either (and that was a meal rather than a snack).

bumbleymummy · 01/11/2011 10:40

Exotic you always make me laugh on this issue. Grin My boys loved their 1st birthdays - the presents and all the lovely food that did not include chocolate. Are you projecting your own concept of what is enjoyable onto your children? How damaging!

bumbleymummy · 01/11/2011 10:43

Your last post was very good DF. I totally agree with you.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 01/11/2011 10:44

I have to say, not necessarily meaning the OP here, I find it a bit bewildering that people feel they must wait until 1 exactly and feed sugar on the 1st birthday for the first time..just seems a bit strange to me

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 01/11/2011 10:45

i have to say, also, working for a dentist, fruit sugars are also bad for teeth, especially raisins, so fruit should also be given in moderation especially juices..they aren't that virtuous.

Slilou · 01/11/2011 10:46

YANBU they should be adopting a similar approach to Healthy Schools , but for nurseries.

thing, is, if you want him to have an unhealthy treat, once in a while, then no prob, obv. you're not paying them to give him unhealthy food.

those who say 'it's for halloween' ie lighten up... he 10mo , not 3yo! he doesnt know if its halloween, birthday or xmas FGS

diddl · 01/11/2011 10:46

I think our dentist once said that it you want to avoid cavities just eat fat & drink water!

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 01/11/2011 10:48

have to say, my DD has trouble keeping weight on, she is on about the 95th for height and the 80th for weight, and she does get a fair whack of sweet food as I am always trying to fatten her up a bit (she is 5)..she is slim and her teeth are perfect so don't get too hung up about it. I didn't give her sweets as a non walking baby though, but I wouldn't have lost sleep if someone gave her a chocolate button.

Original poster
DuelingFanjo · 01/11/2011 10:49

I said "I am not creating a situation in which he can have a preference " not that I was trying to create preferences. I don't imagine there are many children who would choose sprouts over chocolate.

My son doesn't have reflux so I can hopefully feed him a variety of things but I choose not to give him (at this early atage) sugary cakes and chocolate.

I am really quite amazed by the people who really want me to! Is it really that important to other people that I start feeding my child chocolate? I knew parenting was a funny old thing but my flabber is truely gasted at all the people who think I should be introducing chocolate and cake when I have clearly decided I don't want to - yet.

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 01/11/2011 10:49

I think telling nursery not to give a child chocolate ever or a wee piece of cake once in a blue moon, if they are 16 months, is a bit OTT, they will be brushing their teeth afterwards and it is all about moderation.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 01/11/2011 10:50

although I am not telling you to, I couldn't care if you never do..but it isn't heroin, its a bit of cake.

bumbleymummy · 01/11/2011 10:51

There are plenty of high calorie foods that are not sweet though so there are other options.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 01/11/2011 10:52

yup, she gets those too. :)

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 01/11/2011 10:52

i just don't see sweet as THE DEVIL

bumbleymummy · 01/11/2011 10:54

Who said it was the devil? I think most people are just saying it's unnecessary and they don't see the point in introducing it at an early age. No one is saying BAN IT FOR LIFE!

bumbleymummy · 01/11/2011 10:54

I should say - most people who are agreeing with the OP :)

Original poster
DuelingFanjo · 01/11/2011 10:56

"I have to say, not necessarily meaning the OP here, I find it a bit bewildering that people feel they must wait until 1 exactly and feed sugar on the 1st birthday for the first time..just seems a bit strange to me"

My plan for his first bithday was to make him one of those hippy no sugar natural cakes Grin

he has actually been to a first birthday party where the host, knowing there would be children of different ages, made a variety of different treats and two cakes which was lovely of her.

OP posts:
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