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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

erm.. chocolate finger for 10 month old at nursery?

355 replies

DuelingFanjo · 31/10/2011 18:31

I didn't put anything on his form saying that I didn't want him to have cakes/biscuits/chocolate so maybe I am being unreasonable but I was a bit Shock to be told that the nursery had given DS a chocolate finger today. I said 'oh, really?' but now I am home I think that actually I am stupid for not saying something and now I feel annoyed with them and annoyed with myself.

What to do Sad? I have to say something. I was told that they feed the babies healthy food, no juice and so on so I thought they might know that chocoloate fingers for a baby that old is not normal? Or is it? Am I the weird one?

It's a good nursery, highly recommended and they haven't done anything I don't like before.

OP posts:
Original poster
DuelingFanjo · 01/11/2011 11:25

"Sure, I know he is 10 months now, but at some point I assume you are going to introduce what you would probably consider "naughty" foods. When are you going to do it and how? As soon as you even have the concept in your own head of "good" and "bad" foods, you are going to project it onto your children. If they have always had a small slice of cake at the weekend for tea or a piece of chocolate money after dinner, then they will not suddenly be introduced to this amazing new food. They will just associate it as a very tiny part of a normal diet, to be eaten after dinner."

Oh dear. You seem to misunderstand. I am not telling my son that he can't have things and that they are bad, he is just unaware that they exist. He doesn't know a bounty bar from a lion bar. He doesn't know that there is ice-cream or clotted cream.

Call me crazy but I was going to start thinking about weaning him off the breast after about a year/18 months, introduce some cows milk and then take it from there. He already has baby friendly wheaty snack things which look like crisps but have less salt. He seems to like them. He has Organic biscuits for babies with no sugar or junk, he seems to like them too. He's also had lots of nice fruity based puddings. At some point beyond a year I imagined there would be a natural progression onto 'party food' if he was out and about partying with his baby friends. Yes it's only 2 months away but I thought introducing these things might be done by me and my husband rather than by the nursery who told me they only gave healthy snacks and no juices when I asked them.

OP posts:
bumbleymummy · 01/11/2011 11:26

I don't see your point perry... I don't use sweets for rewards either but what's your problem with it? It doesn't have to stay that way for life.

Slilou · 01/11/2011 11:26

hurray for 4mad!

choceyes · 01/11/2011 11:26

larrygrylls - I'm not the OP but in the scenario you mentioned, my DD when she was 10 months could be fobbed off with a piece of fruit if she was asking for what my toddler was eating. as long as she had something to eat she was happy. But now at 14 months she wants and recognises the same thing, and as she is a bit older now, I would give her a bit of cake to try. usually she doesn't want anymore than that. I cerntainly won't offer her a whole portion even a toddler sized portion.

Ah yes rice cakes...my DS absotely loves them, even as much as chocolate...weird.

carmenelectra · 01/11/2011 11:28

OMG this is a bad as the jam sandwich thread.

OP don't you realise that mothers like you who make a big over nothing like this make thenselves look like idiots. I'm sorry but I find it pathetic.

If this is all you have to worry about with your DC then you have a shock coming to you.

Goodness knows what nursery staff make of parents like this. Poor kids who can't have party food only eat stuff mother has home cooked.

Shouldn't send dc's to nursery if you are like this as nothing is ever going to be good enough is it. Best make sure only YOU feed your kid so there's no confusion.

Slilou · 01/11/2011 11:28

duelling. stop expecting people to agree, love. people's food values vary hugely. even with friends, i refer to myself as the 'food police', as my foody values are quite far along the lentil spectrum.

keep doing what you think is right.

Original poster
DuelingFanjo · 01/11/2011 11:29

"Yes, but what when you have number 2 and his toddler brother is eating cake and he is 10 months old, sitting in his high chair and reaching out enthusiastically?"

I won't be having a number 2. I had IVF and am 41 so we won't have that dilemma Grin

but if I did, I really won't be sitting one child next to the other and giving one a platefull of cake and the other a rice-cake. Quite often DS has sat next to me while I enthusiastically eat a fray bentos pie. I never feel the urge to give him some and he never tries to force his fist through the lovely scrummy pastry top as he is mostly just interested in what he has been given to eat.

OP posts:
4madboys · 01/11/2011 11:29

and we dont talk about good or bad foods, the seem to get enough of that at school Hmm but my kids do know that some foods are 'healthier' and will give them more energy and help them to grow etc and that sweets etc are nice treats to have as an extra, seems pretty simple to me!

choceyes · 01/11/2011 11:29

yess perrycombover I get your point. I'm not proud of the fact that I bribed him with chocolate and I hated doing it, and my DH didn't like it either, but he was proving so difficult to potty train I was willing to try anything!

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 01/11/2011 11:30

"OP don't you realise that mothers like you who make a big over nothing like this make thenselves look like idiots. I'm sorry but I find it pathetic."

But the OP has been pretty reasonable and moderate IMO

4madboys · 01/11/2011 11:31

yep not had an issue with older siblings having one thing and younger ones another, distraction works well with babies and toddler and you offer them an alternative, i dont see what is wrong with rice cakes, dd loves them and the older boys often ask to have one when she does.

Slilou · 01/11/2011 11:32

oh, and my dds are 7 and 10 and eat a massive range of foods. parties have never been an issue, as they eat the same as others at parties.

to suggest that they need to 'conform' and be exposed to party type food before the age of 1. that to me is just a joke, and totally misguided.

PerryCombover · 01/11/2011 11:32

choceyes
i never had a bribing problem for potty training so I dunno about that but I do know about the wrong food messages and that is the beginning of one..as long as you are aware then it's grand

PerryCombover · 01/11/2011 11:34

the things I though for D1 are vastly different than those for D3 God help her

I was tres PFB about everything..now D3 is feral

Original poster
DuelingFanjo · 01/11/2011 11:34

"If this is all you have to worry about with your DC then you have a shock coming to you"

Given that DS was rushed into Neo-natal minutes after his birth and spent several days in special care I think I do understand the worry that comes with children. Just because there are more worrying things to come doesn't mean I should just give up worrying about the food issue surely? I detest that kind of 'logic'

"OP don't you realise that mothers like you who make a big over nothing like this make thenselves look like idiots. I'm sorry but I find it pathetic"

I am really sorry that you find this kind of thing pathetic. I didn't get involved in the jam thread but I wouldn't give my son Jam either, not yet. It doesn't seem like common sense to me.

"Shouldn't send dc's to nursery if you are like this as nothing is ever going to be good enough is it"

I am not sure where you get this idea that nothing is good enough from. We're just talking about a chocolate finger not the whole nursery experience. Maybe re-read my OP again?

OP posts:
MummyOfHnS · 01/11/2011 11:36

YANBU

I think its unacceptable. You pay good money as spend a long time looking out a nursery which fits what YOU think is suitable and if healthy eating is important to you and was one of your requirements, I wouldn't let it pass.

I also think its ridiculous to give a 10 month old BABY any form of chocolate! Why?! Where is the need except adult gratification coo-ing at 'awe isn't he/she cute? They just love it' etc etc
My daughter is 10 months on the 7th nov and hasn't, and will not be eating chocolate until she is at least a toddler, and at special occasions only. Im fully aware it won't cause her harm, although it will make trying to enforce a healthy eating regime more difficult. I'd rather save that till later thanks!

choceyes · 01/11/2011 11:37

4madboys - that's fab, just the way it should be (in my opinion anyway!)

duelling, like slilou says, peoples perception on what is healthy varies so much. Given the fact that about half of the population is overweight, what is "normal" is certinaly skewed. If your food values are "stricter" than normal, then it can only be a good thing.

Original poster
DuelingFanjo · 01/11/2011 11:37

thanks for your comment FanjoForTheMammaries, I like to think I have retained a sense of humour despite being called a prat, pathetic and so on!

I wish I had started a thread about my BIL feeding my DS cherry dr pepper when he was 9 months old, infact maybe I did. The reaction was quite different IIRC.

OP posts:
4madboys · 01/11/2011 11:40

thanks choceyes but as far as dp and i are concerened its just been the only way to do it, its not bloody rocket science is it?!

and duelling if anyone had given any of my kids a drink of dr pepper at any age i wouldnt have been happy but at 9mths!! i would have had words!

Slilou · 01/11/2011 11:40

on a slight tangent... i met someone from overseas at a party recently- cant remember where from, but somewhere where eating is culturally well established as a whole family experience... anyway they were shocked by the shit food at the average kids party.

don't get me wrong, i too provide party rings etc at my dc's parties. but why has junk food become synonymous with treats for children? when did that happen in the Uk?

MummyOfHnS · 01/11/2011 11:42

I also have a DS who is 3.5YO and I treated his eating exactly the same. He is perfectly healthy with a great attitude to food. He has treats on occasion but you wont find him eating his way through a bar of chocolate or pack of crisps! Buttons and quavers are my enemy Smile
If you asked him whether he was happy with food, I'm sure he would say yes. He is delighted to have bananas, strawberries and yogurts for 'sweet treats'

This does not mean on a birthday, or special occasion he will go without.

4madboys · 01/11/2011 11:43

i have no idea slilou and we have biscuits etc at parties, but also healthy foods, some pizza and sandwiches, and fruit and carrot, cucumber sticks and hummous etc, maybe a potato or rice salad, depending on the time of year. its about getting a balance!

and yes eating is a whole family experience, we sit at the table and discuss our day, chat, laugh and its a nice thing to do on the whole, screaming toddlers or overtired babies excluded Grin

choceyes · 01/11/2011 11:44

dueling - I was the OP that didn't want her DD gettign jam sandwiches or hoop on toast once a week at nursery at 14 months old. I was called all sorts of names on that thread. It is such an emotive topic for some people and I think some people try and justify their not so healthy choices they make for their babies.

I friend of mine feeds her DCs, 3 and 5, very healthy food, like veg stews, hummous, porridge with nut butters for brekkie, but she also gives them daily massive chunks of cakes and cans of coke. I really don't know what to make of that.

Slilou · 01/11/2011 11:49

for me its mostly about avoiding processed food.

i think of good food, as food that would have been possible to make 60 years ago before the advent of mass food processing/ colourings/ additives etc

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 01/11/2011 11:50

I hate the "need" thing on these threads. There's plenty of stuff we (babies too) don't actually need - it doesn't meant we shouldn't enjoy them.

Having said that I can't actually remember whether ds had eaten chocolate by 10 months. He ate very, very well (by which I mean I gave him food that tasted good and went to great pains to ensure that his diet was a healthy one). But chocolate and the banning or introduction of? It's such an unimportant thing that I have completely fogotten what I did.

I'm not saying you're wrong to fret Duelling because I'm quite sure I did the same over various things - but yes, chocolate comes under the category of Small Stuff.

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