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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Grrrrrrrrrr bloody housing officer!!!

215 replies

holdenmcgroin1979 · 31/10/2011 15:08

Came round today saying i have two weeks to sort my front and back garden out and tidy it up or else! He knows i have been suffering with severe anxiety after having a bad miscariage last year and being pg again has made me a nervous wreck, the neighbours bloody cat has shit on the gravel in my front garden, wouldnt be so bad but he had the cheek to blame my moggies even thought he knows i keep them inside due to said neighbours cat attacking them everytime they are outside. I am expected to clear up fag butts that people have thrown over my hedge as well. My back garden isnt that bad to be honest it's just a few kids toys a bit of weeding and the grass that needs cutting but it's all stuff that involves heavy lifting or being in contact with soil which could have cat poo in it!! So cheesed off right now so this isn't so much an AIBU but a good old rant. Not expecting sympathy just wanted to get it off my chest!

OP posts:
thefirstMrsDeVeerie · 31/10/2011 17:38

alright love calm down it was just an observation and it wasnt even aimed at you specifically. Nice that you have had several gardens.

Some people never get the chance.

I see this thread is giving folk the ideal opportunity to vent their spleens at all social housing tenants.

thefirstMrsDeVeerie · 31/10/2011 17:40

How do you know they are Council/Ha homes Swank ?

All the houses in my road are exactly the same. Its is actually impossible to tell which ones are owned and which ones are rented.

SansaLannister · 31/10/2011 17:44

I don't care if they're council, HA, owned by the queen or what have you. If you can't keep it up either pay someone to do it or start figuring a way to move because no one enjoys looking at it or living next to it.

My ILs own their home, they can't keep up the garden anymore so they pay a local lad to do it and they exist on the state pension so they are far from wealthy. It's on the market, too. They can't keep up with it anymore.

Peachy · 31/10/2011 17:46

OP

You say you have anxiety issues: are you OK> they can vary so much; my rear garden is a bit of a state atm- becuase I am just managing to battle agoraphobia but lst time I went in the back garden I jeard the cow next door spitting unwarranted vitriol about me (fell out with our landlords, and can;t tell fifference). haven;t been abck out since, reckon focussing on coping with school runs etc matter more- like you ahev Sn kids and they take all my time.

now we pay a gardener if ti gets out of hand from the DLA, we are allowed as this is normally in summer and the boys need comstant supervision making it impossible to get out- went 10 steps away from one in the downstaoirs and he clobbered smaller one putting him in A&E; if the children's Sn is a limiter is that a spossibility?

Also, presumably the dog poo etc is a risk factor so family fund might be able to help opr even social services chidlrens teams

Peachy · 31/10/2011 17:48

Sansa I somehow doubnt with all teh cuts most non working people (eg the disabled- you know the sort of people who cannot keep it p[, elderly etc) can afford to pay

But then i'd rather lop my left leg off than not have sympthy for someone dealing with a disability or the limits old age often brings. We've ahd terribly messy neighbours and worse but did i want the 94 year old ladt evicted? of course not!

Wonder if Grandad's neighbours want him out, hmm.....

IneedAbetterNickname · 31/10/2011 18:06

While I agree that it's your garden, therefore your responsibilty (hangs head in shame at state of my front garden, due to recent house clearing, and not yet managed to get stuff to tip Blush )

I will also say that different people have different opinions as to what is 'acceptable' or not. As an example, my SW complained last week that there were toys out, about 3 things! In half term! In a house with 2 children in! I personally think toys out in a house with children in is acceptable, the SW seemingly doesn't Confused

Original poster
holdenmcgroin1979 · 31/10/2011 18:14

my anxiety i think is pretty bad but i have never had it before so dont know how bad it is, the doctor is reluctant to start me on any medication as with me not taken any before and being PG i guess they dont want to risk anything. they offered me counsiling it takes me all my effort to get out to midwife visits and scans at the moment. i have managed to go outside on my own 6 times in the past 12 weeks as i shake and throw up as soon as i get outside, ( i thank god for asda home shopping) thankfully i havent had any appointments at any of my eldest childrens schools, my eldest two are old enough to walk to school and back on their own and my SN twins get picked up and dropped off at the door. I do hate the person i am at the moment as i worked right up from leaving school till a year ago when i miscarried ( i am now 32 so paid in to the "system for 16 years")

OP posts:
Icelollycraving · 31/10/2011 18:27

Yabu.
It must be pretty bad to get a visit. Get a mask & gloves & get stuck in. Perhaps getting the fresh air & it looking better may clear a few cobwebs away in all ways!

Peachy · 31/10/2011 18:31

Holden

Can I ask what support you have in palce? I used to work for HomeStart and you would have been exactly the type of family we worked with, we would aplce a volinteer with you to help you get out and about, build confidence, etc. Do you know if that is something available to you?

Also speak to your MW; often they can tap into better MH support than a GP as they are used to referring for PND etc and it may well be that your anxiety is a mix of antenatal depression and PTSD: you are certainly high risk for PND so well worth getting that chat in now.

Oh and hugs. Agroraphobia and related anxieties CAN be ebaten- I can now go out alone, which for me is HUGE- but it tkaes a lot of time and work. Mine was triggered by ds4 starting at a school whre I'd been threatened by a aprent when my older Sn son was there- but I am getting tehre and you can too.

Haka · 31/10/2011 18:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Peachy · 31/10/2011 18:35

As for teh agrden- some ideas:

Social Servicesl they may well be able to signpost you to a voluntary scheme

taking it slowly: 5 minutes and guilding up.

Speaking to council: we ahd a shared ownersip many eons ago and when DH got ill they refused to deal with me orhelp until I put the problems in writing and suddenly they could not have been better. May well be worth speaking to them about your problems and seeing if they can help. You won;t be the first parents of a SN child to have PTSD anyway even without the loss of your baby on top. Seems almost par for the diagnostic course tbh, and if you don;t want to chat about your pregnancy loss put it in terms of the SN. It will all be a mix if causes anyway.

Sevenfoldedbloodybodies · 31/10/2011 18:37

Council/ HA a privilege, only on mn could someone say crap like that. so being to poor to own your own home is a privilege, what crap.

Op sadly you do need to sort your garden out. get onto the council/HA you renat from and ask to speak to someone else, they probably will be able to give you advice

Peachy · 31/10/2011 18:42

OP won't be the first, fortieth or or even four hundredth person who can't cope with their own garden that they will have spoken to, especially given the OP is a carer and will fall into more than one category of vulnerable.

Good luck Holden. You can do it, you WILL do it but you have to take those baby steps at a rate you can cope with

IneedAbetterNickname · 31/10/2011 18:47

Council/HA houses are definataly a privilege where I live! I know 2 people who have been given once in the last 7 years (since my DC were born) both were on the waiting list 4 years min, and have 6 month probabtionary periods. If they don't look after the house in that time, they get evicted. I don't qualify for social housing, even when I was a single Mum for 2 years I didn't.

Original poster
holdenmcgroin1979 · 31/10/2011 18:48

did all those who say it must be bad to have gotten a visit not see my post where i specifically put the HO just drives round in his car, nobody had reported me!!!

Peachy i have heard of homestart and used to access their paint and play group each tuesday till my anxiety took hold.

OP posts:
Original poster
holdenmcgroin1979 · 31/10/2011 18:54

IneedAbetterNickname round here you only get put on probation if you have already had a council house and have moved to another, if you move into one in the circumstances i did you dont have to put under probation i used to own my own home till a relationship breakdown with one of my previous partner. due to our town being a failing one no one wants to live here so the only people who want social housing are the ones who have family ties here or is where they are employed (as was the case with me up untill last year)

OP posts:
oksonowwhat · 31/10/2011 18:54

Haven't read the whole thread but wanted to ask what HA it is?? I work for a HA and although they would send people round eventually if the place was a tip, that process would take a long time and you would have been informed.

Also if you have been suffering from severe anxiety, which is a mental health issue, you should be having support for the anxiety and also help to do the clean up.

Haka · 31/10/2011 18:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

oksonowwhat · 31/10/2011 18:56

Sorry, just seen that this HO drives around....the jobsworth

Swankyswishing · 31/10/2011 18:58

MrsDeveerie because they are on a council estate, and a Social Housing part of a private estate. And because, well lets face it, do you know any homeowners that just leave their gardens and houses to rack and ruin? No, neither do I

usualsuspect · 31/10/2011 18:58

fucking hell any excuse to have a go at the nasty skanky council house tenants on MN eh ,

and no a council house is not a privilege

SansaLannister · 31/10/2011 19:00

I think my council flat is a tremendous privilege! It's better than private renting where we got moved along all the time. Can't afford to purchase a home and we never will.

And my ILs are disabled and on state pension and pay someone to do the garden because they can't keep it up anymore and we live too far away. They are moving because it's too much for them now. Not expecting the world to sort it out gratis.

Swankyswishing · 31/10/2011 19:02

Of course it's a privilege, usualsuspect! Rent of about one third the standard rent for a non council housing property! Repairs done and new kitchen and bathrooms installed for free! Of course it's a privilege

usualsuspect · 31/10/2011 19:02

good for you in your privileged council flat

me ,I think decent housing is a right

usualsuspect · 31/10/2011 19:03

oh just shut up

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