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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be fed up of always feeling poor even though my husband earns above the national average?

323 replies

alwayspoor · 30/10/2011 22:45

I am a SAHM, live in east anglia. HOuse prices are massive, we have a house up north that we can't sell (need to be near London for DHs job) and a mortgage. We've got 3 dc's. Struggling to by decent food on top of all the bills.

OP posts:
cantspel · 30/10/2011 23:36

Tiffany she wouldn't now as her husband would be santioned for up to 26 weeks for giving up his job so no dole money

madonnawhore · 30/10/2011 23:36

X-P'd with Quint

belledechocchipcookie · 30/10/2011 23:37

Could you work from home? Becoming self employed is better then working part time, your hours are more flexible. What skills do you have? I'm really sorry about the squatters Sad Where's the house?

Original poster
alwayspoor · 30/10/2011 23:38

Why would I want to be on the dole when DH can work? Jeez.

OP posts:
mumdad2kidsandadog · 30/10/2011 23:38

Can't believe the bitchiness on this thread. Money is tight for a lot of people right now, so where's the effing solidarity?

OP, there are a few good threads on living frugally and some for a credit-crunch Christmas. Hope you rent/sell your place soon and things start looking up. Good on your DH for doing everything possible to find work, and good on you for making sacrifices to support him.

Original poster
alwayspoor · 30/10/2011 23:39

I would love to rent my northern house out to a family who would be very happy in a very lovley place with good schools.

OP posts:
Original poster
alwayspoor · 30/10/2011 23:39
Grin
OP posts:
Original poster
alwayspoor · 30/10/2011 23:41

I'll look at them mumdad. I'm really trying, god some people think its the high life - we are on our arses.

OP posts:
wannaBe · 30/10/2011 23:41

bloody hell there's an awful lot of begrudgement on this thread. bitter much?

Anyone who thinks that living in London with three children while at the same time having to pay rent on another property while earning only £24k a year is for the rich is deluded.

And "get a job" well the same could be said of all of you - no? If you don't feel you have enough money why not go out and get more jobs so you don't have to sit here begrudging others. Hmm

We are very fortunate - we can afford for me to e a sahm. However I would like to work now and the truth is that there aren't any jobs.

People need to get over themselves - seriously.

gaelicsheep · 30/10/2011 23:43

Divide and rule - hallmark of a Tory government. See it in action on Mumsnet. Suckers.

belledechocchipcookie · 30/10/2011 23:44

24k in London is worth far less elsewhere. I've no idea what the London weighting is but everything costs more.

The budget threads are good, there's a lot of tips on there.

WhatsWrongWithYou · 30/10/2011 23:47

I'd like to say, to those suggesting the OP works in the evenings - most people earning over the paltry average wage in this country are expected to put in long hours. Leaving the office before 6.30/7.00pm is just not done, nor is having an actual lunch hour.

Willingness to work late is taken for granted, so at any time her DH could be out of the house for much longer than the 12 hours he normally is.
Just how, exactly, do you sell yourself to a potential evening employer as available for work at regular times each week?

gaelicsheep · 30/10/2011 23:48

This poster has done what others are constantly being advised to do. Upped sticks and moved to get work so as not to "scrounge" of the system. Then she gets vilified as she suffers the consequences of that decision.

You lot should be ashamed of yourselves.

DestinationUnknown · 30/10/2011 23:53

YANBU OP. It's all relative ... classic comment a friend reported to me the other day, fresh from the playground on the school run - woman complaining loudly to her friends : " oh my bloody mother, she thinks that because we own a yacht and a villa that means we're rich !" Shock

gaelicsheep · 30/10/2011 23:54

To be honest after watching that John Humphries programme and seeing a family raking in £1600 a year, presumably tax free, for sitting on their arses I'm not surprised the OP is feeling pretty down. So am I.

gaelicsheep · 30/10/2011 23:55

He he. I mean £1600 a month obviously!

Deux · 31/10/2011 00:12

OP, have you applied for Child Tax Credit, I think you might qualify depending on what the annual income is? Not sure but you may be entitled to Working Tax Credit.

There is a Do I Qualify section on the HMRC website.

Minus273 · 31/10/2011 00:41

I'm fed up reading just get a job. As if its so easy. There are no jobs.

OP hope you manage to sell soon, it's stressful trying to sell right now.

aurynne · 31/10/2011 02:57

I would recommend you to emigrate as soon as you can. People are actually much nicer in other places and you'll be glad to read MumsNet from abroad and feel relieved you have dodged a bullet. I speak by experience.

Until then, try to befriend some foreigners. They are usually far nicer and empathetic.

aurynne · 31/10/2011 02:58

(I apologize to the truly nice British people I know exist too. However, in threads like these I get reminded of the dark, lonely times I spent in the UK and the zero solidarity I found in there)

lifechanger · 31/10/2011 04:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsBloodyTroll · 31/10/2011 04:40

You have my sympathy OP! Even if others disagree.

It isn't about how much you earn, but about your cost of living/outgoings. My DH also earns above-average but works something like 14-16 hour days to keep his job, which is expected. And weekends. He hardly sees our DCs.

We went through our accounts earlier and realised there are a whole lost of things we won't be able to afford over the coming months. Christmas presents are being scraped together from shopping vouchers like Clubcard. Unlike friend's who earn less, we don't have and don't want to rack up credit card or other debt (besides the mortgage) so that DCs can have the latest thing, or so that we can drive new cars (we own our cars outright). DCs will have to learn to live without - we would rather spend the money on semi-decent food and the sniff of a shared holiday cottage for a few days next year with some friends. As things stand, we can't afford both.

It's fucking difficult, and there is no way I could ever get a little part-time job to help with the bills (much though I'd really like to!). DH works long hours and we live away from family so that we are commutable to his job. No time and no free childcare to make it worth doing.

Good on you for not scrounging off the state.

ragged · 31/10/2011 04:55

But, cough, OP doesn't live in London. I know Cambridge is hideously expensive, but other places in East Anglia are better value & similar commute distance (Ipswich springs to mind). Not that I could cope with upheaving children again, if I were OP.

You could wait a few weeks OP and go to Money matters topics & list all your incomings & outcomings & ask MNers to help you find ways to cost cut. MN is very good for that.

Slightlyreluctantexpat · 31/10/2011 05:06

My sympathies too, OP. I guess you might have to put a time limit on it. In six months maybe you have to either knock a lot off the price of your house or, as life changer suggests, you move back into your house leaving your DH to do a weekly commute and rent a room Monday to Thursday.

AlpinePony · 31/10/2011 06:31

Yanbu op. Things are so out of kilter right now and with the disappearance of cheap credit people are only just noticing.

Tbh I'd be tempted to go back to the north, I have friends who've been offered more money in bristol, but it all even out and they feel they've got a better quality of life in northumberland.

Are you claiming all the benefits/credits you can?

Is the house priced to sell? If you can get rid of it won't you then be eligible for housing benefit?