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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be fed up of always feeling poor even though my husband earns above the national average?

323 replies

alwayspoor · 30/10/2011 22:45

I am a SAHM, live in east anglia. HOuse prices are massive, we have a house up north that we can't sell (need to be near London for DHs job) and a mortgage. We've got 3 dc's. Struggling to by decent food on top of all the bills.

OP posts:
QuintessentialShadow · 30/10/2011 23:24

Jobs grow on trees these days.

Childcare for three children is really cheap these days.

gaelicsheep · 30/10/2011 23:24

God I've been away for about a year and I had totally forgotten what a bitchfest Mumsnet is. I think I might be leaving again after tonight.

marriedinwhite · 30/10/2011 23:24

The OP said her dp earnt an OK wage not six figures. They are paying a mortgage and bills on a house they can't sell, rent on their present accommodation, have suffered huge upheaval in their personal lives, etc. Why are you lot giving the op such a hard time?

madonnawhore · 30/10/2011 23:25

Quintessential, genuine question: why can't you put rent up on your place so that you cover all your expenses? Aren't rental properties supposed to yield 10% or something*?

*Don't know much about being a landlord.

Xmasbaby11 · 30/10/2011 23:26

OK, so a lot of us are feeling poor at the moment, but that doesn't make it any easier! Often it's really not about the actual wages because you have to take into account your outgoings and what part of the country you live in.

CheeseyZitLover · 30/10/2011 23:27

Blimey madonna, that's a bit simplistic. A house will only rent for what people are prepared to pay surprisingly [hhmm]

cantspel · 30/10/2011 23:27

madonna you cant just put rent up as and when you like as you would have signed a tennacy agreement stating rent. Plus the market sets the rate of rents so no good charging £300 a week if everyone else is charging £200

Fixture · 30/10/2011 23:27

Why isn't the house selling? Can it be rented out in the meantime? Can you take out a loan which you can repay when you sell the house?

Tryharder · 30/10/2011 23:28

Agree with others that we'd have to know your income to say if you are being unreasonable or not.

But if you are really struggling then get an evening job and your DH can look after the kids when he gets home (assuming he has a day job). Believe it or not, that is how a lot of couples I know manage to keep a roof over the heads.

However, if you can afford to SAH, then the fact that you can't afford 5 chicken breasts instead of 2 is not really that sad, is it now!

Original poster
alwayspoor · 30/10/2011 23:28

Thanks for the support. Smile I've left my friends, DC's home, school, friends, everything we know because if DH doesn't he won't have a job. We have a house that we loved that we can't sell, rent in the south, bills coming out of ears. To top off we'vehad squatters in the empty house, yep great in my life.Hmm

OP posts:
stilldazed · 30/10/2011 23:28

Ok just read the thread [hblush].

but i still don't get why op can't do some work when her dh is home, evenings early, morning cleaning sunday in a supermarket. would make enough to buy a few extra chicken breast!

I know it's not nice but life is like that some times you have to get on with it...sorry but I would be more inclined to put my energy into making money e baying part time work... whatever instead on whinging about it on the internet!

QuintessentialShadow · 30/10/2011 23:29

Cant put the rent up more than the rate of inflation. The rent in our house is set according to the going index for the area and the type of house. I would never get it rented for more! Tenants are on a long term contract, and we have returned from overseas earlier than we thought. We live in a slightly more upmarket area, which is 15 minutes walk from the children's school. The house we own is 30-40 minutes drive from their school.

Original poster
alwayspoor · 30/10/2011 23:30

Ok, supposed to be going to bed. If I said DH earns X I'd need to break down outgoings so you lot could try and understand its fuck all.

OP posts:
CheeseyZitLover · 30/10/2011 23:30

Ah I forgot, we're only allowed to whinge on mumsnet if we're in the gutter and don't like chicken breasts [hhmm]

AbbyAbsinthe · 30/10/2011 23:30

And I understand that... but could you not do some work too to bring in a bit extra temporarily?

Original poster
alwayspoor · 30/10/2011 23:31

Yep evening job is doable and am thinking of it but DH leaves before 7 gets in at 7.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 30/10/2011 23:31

Cantspel..... Wellno, of course not, she wouldn't be entitled to claim any benefits??!! Confused

belledechocchipcookie · 30/10/2011 23:32

It sounds crap alwayspoor. I can't believe the grief you're getting from some posters. Mumsnet can be so supportive to some yet so bitchy towards others. Hmm

Have you got rid of the squatters? Your best bet is to sort out the repairs to your house and rent it out. Are you able to work part time? This could help.

marriedinwhite · 30/10/2011 23:33

It's all relative and the OPs having a rought time. Her DH is probably doing a long commute and not getting home until 7 or 8 in the evening - too late to go out and start an evening job. If the OP works nights who will look after the dc during the day. I couldn't possibly have worked when my dc were small and dh was working all hours.

GypsyMoth · 30/10/2011 23:33

Cantspel..... Wellno, of course not, she wouldn't be entitled to claim any benefits??!! Confused

Original poster
alwayspoor · 30/10/2011 23:33

Thanks Belle, yeah am thinking possibly a saturday, couple of evenings - poor Dh is out of the house over 12 hours, hard.

OP posts:
cantspel · 30/10/2011 23:34

I love the way everyone say just get an evening job. I have an evening job and live in the south and they are like hens teeth to find and when they do pop up most go to students and under 18's as they are cheaper to employ.

It is the same for weekend shop work. All the jobs go to pimply 16 year olds just because they are cheaper to employ

Original poster
alwayspoor · 30/10/2011 23:34

Yep squatters gone and we've been to clean piss and shit up- boak.

OP posts:
madonnawhore · 30/10/2011 23:35

Should have worded that better. I understand you can't just put the rent up while someone's under a tenancy agreement. I'm a tenant myself, I know that much. But when it came up for renewal, would it not be possible to say that the rent was increasing? Or would increasing it price it out of the market?

I've only ever rented in London so my view on it is skewed. What I pay in rent for my one bed flat would pay the mortgage of a £400k house. Yet I'll never be able to afford to buy a house because I'll never have enough for a deposit.

WhatsWrongWithYou · 30/10/2011 23:36

If it's any help, op, we've been in pretty much the same boat - left our house empty to move to a rural idyll (driven by change of school for DCs rather than work). Decided not to rent house out as were under offer when we left. That and a further offer fell through, and we ended up paying mortgage and rent for 18 months before the house finally sold (and we were screwed over).

Didn't have MN at the time, but I moaned oh yes I did - all the time knowing there were people worse off than me.

Vent away, it stinks, but I would say, in retrospect, do try and rent your place out - we'd be sitting on a fortune if we hadn't dithered and been optimistically expecting a buyer.