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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be fed up of always feeling poor even though my husband earns above the national average?

323 replies

alwayspoor · 30/10/2011 22:45

I am a SAHM, live in east anglia. HOuse prices are massive, we have a house up north that we can't sell (need to be near London for DHs job) and a mortgage. We've got 3 dc's. Struggling to by decent food on top of all the bills.

OP posts:
fedupofnamechanging · 31/10/2011 07:54

I'm another one who cannot understand the nastiness on this thread.

OP, if I was you, I would move back to the family home with the kids and let dh rent a smaller, cheaper flat and he could come home on weekends (or you and the kids could visit him at weekends). This would reduce your rent and remove the problem of potential squatters. You also wouldn't have to get your house up to 'rent standard'.

The downside, is that you would not be with your dh all week, but you would be with your family and friends. My parents had to do this when I was a child and although it wasn't great, it was better than the alternatives.

When the market improves you could try selling the house or dh could look for work closer to home. It would reduce your outgoings.

Don't borrow money - that way lies a spiral of debt. If you can't manage now, loan repayments won't improve things.

NinkyNonker · 31/10/2011 07:59

Wow, what a nasty thread...says far more about the bitchy posters than the op though. Sour grapes taste shite.

Where we live the national ave wage would not buy you a family home, and renting one would be in the region of £1200 per month in not the best area. Fuel is 6p a litre more than 10 miles down the road etc etc. So it is very easy to be broke on a reasonable salary without being crap with money. We have a reasonable household income through DH's salary but things are always a bit tight.

Original poster
alwayspoor · 31/10/2011 09:34

Thanks for the support. Smile Some good suggestions on here, sadly I'm going to bow out as I'm really shocked at the nastiness on here. As one poster said its not how much you earn but your outgoings.

OP posts:
CheeseyZitLover · 31/10/2011 09:52

Awww don't sod orf, we aren't all arseholes trying to earn our stupidity badge [hwink]

QuintessentialShadow · 31/10/2011 09:55

I am nice!!! Grin

BOOareHaunting · 31/10/2011 10:01

Jeeez, where has all the compassion gone on MN Shock

always sorry your feeling the pinch atm. I am really struggling too (as are many) and I just want to add my voice of support and wish you luck with selling/renting your other house.

BOOareHaunting · 31/10/2011 10:03

I also think Karma has a good suggestion - it may be the hardest one but finacially seems the best atm.

Becaroooo · 31/10/2011 10:04

Sorry you find your self in this situation OP

I sometimes think that some people assume that if you earn above a certain amount you are immune from money woes.

If only that were true Sad

Shit happens. All the time. Marriage break up, bereavement, relocating for work, not being able to sell your house etc etc.....

My dh and I are - effectively - having to start over again after having paid a mortgage for 12 years. My ds1 has sn and we have had to move to release equity and to get him into a decent school and pay for therapy.

OP - renting the other house may be a hassle to begin with but I think its your best long term option.

x

justaboutstillhere · 31/10/2011 10:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 31/10/2011 10:12

YANBU. It is so bloody wearing just scraping by month after month. It's like running full pelt just to stand still. I don't understand why you're getting a kicking on this thread tbh, the average wage is only comfortable if it's just supporting the earner IMO. Your DH's wage is supporting 5 people, and two houses. The stress must be intolerable. I hope you can sell the house asap and things start to look better x

jojane · 31/10/2011 10:34

My dh earns just over the average wage and I work part time a couple of evenings. We have 3 children and get child benefit and a small amount of tax credits. We rent as there's no way we could save a deposit and the mortgage we could get would buy us a small 2 bed place. We never have any money left at the end of the month, we buy mainly basics food, shop in charity shops/primark etc for clothes and even half the kids presents are normally second hand. I am so fed up of never being able to buy anything 'nice' (a takeaway, nice pair of boots, new sofa, have my hair highlighted etc). We are slightly more better off now than the past couple of years when we were robbing Peter to pay Paul, but although I know there are plenty of people worse off (not able to afford electric etc) but it does get depressing having to constantly check the bank and do the sums etc.

mumdad2kidsandadog · 31/10/2011 10:35

It is threads like this that make me wish we had a like and dislike button. I like the nice, helpful, supportive posts but dislike the unnecessary bitchiness.

I'm sure average wage sounds like a lot to people who don't earn it, but for a family of 5, once outgoings are gone, there is little (or no) spare. We all try to live within our means and have very different outgoings. My mortgage is huge compared to the rent on my friend's council house so although I earn more, she has more disposable income, although the way things are we are both finding it hard to make ends meet. Too much month at the end of the money.

MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 31/10/2011 10:42

When you are in a council house with no assets THEN you can moan.

QuintessentialShadow · 31/10/2011 10:48

No, Mumbling, that is when you have it made, when you have a hotline to the council to come and sort out your blocked drains, the boiler breakdown, and NO additional costs to factor in.....

Unless your council is overstretched, and like the rest of us, you have to open your purse now and then. Wink

GalloweesG · 31/10/2011 10:52

Coven of fucking witches on here at times.

I live in East Anglia and it is bloody expensive just to commute to London, it's nearly a grand a month just for some unreliable train and a parking place at the station and that's obviously net of tax so you spend a great deal of time at work just to pay National Railways the thieving shysters.

How many people could pay a mortgage and rent every month and commute and eat and pay the bills and run a car (which is a necessity in this area) without feeling poor. It's all very well saying get an evening job but if your husband is throwing himself into his job to pay the bills he can't guarantee to be on the 1800 from Liverpool Street to get home so his wife can go to work.

You have my sympathies op.

Swankyswishing · 31/10/2011 11:01

OP, don't leave the thread! Ignore the nasty replies, some people are just out to be nasty and cause trouble, it seems.

I would look into what someone else suggested on the thread; you and your children moving back up north and into your home and your husband look for lodgings for Monday-Friday in the area in which he works. This would probably work out a lot more cost effectively for you. My father did this for several years. We lived in Surrey and he was working in East Anglia, and he stayed in a B&B Monday-Friday and came home at weekends.

The other option would be to look closely into whether or not you could rent your house out. It's pretty easy to get tenants at the moment if the house is in good order. You will probably have to pay out an amount for boiler testing etc but if you weigh this up against how much you will save if the mortgage is covered by the rental income it would probably be worth it.

MarianneM · 31/10/2011 11:01

If you are struggling, go to work! Your youngest is two, so next year he/she'll be eligible for 15 hours of free childcare so you'd only have to cough up for the remaining childcare, and your older children are at school? And it won't be long before your youngest will, too.

And why are you so skint? How much does your DH earn? My DH is currently a SAHD and I earn £30k a year. We rent in London, don't own property. I never feel poor!

coccyx · 31/10/2011 11:05

They are paying out for a mortage and renting so quite a big outgoing

TheRealTillyMinto · 31/10/2011 11:10

OP have you looked on the MoneySavingExpert forum for constructive advice about cutting your expenses?

if you can reduce your costs, you might find life less wearing.

NellyMelba · 31/10/2011 11:11

how about you and kids living in northern house and husband renting a bedsit for weekdays and see you at weekends for the time being

he works 12 hours as it is

ZephirineDrouhin · 31/10/2011 11:16

MarianneM I am very impressed that you rent in London and don't feel skint £30,000 pa. How much is your rent/commute? Do you get HB/tax credits? (Very nosey questions I know but economics of living in London are constant source of fascination to me.)

Good luck, op. I'm sure you will get through this. Renting out the house sounds like a good plan in the long run.

LydiaWickham · 31/10/2011 11:17

It's not just what you earn, it's your living costs, it is perfectly possible to have living costs for a similar lifestyle nearly double in some parts of the south compared to parts of the north.

It might sound daft option, but have you thought about moving closer into London? An increase in rent costs might be offset by decreases in transport costs, and would give your DH more time at home.

If you can rent your property up north for the same or slightly more than the mortgage (to cover maintenance as you're not there to do it yourself) then take it off the market and do that. You at least will have the flexibility to then move back should you want to.

Also think the idea of you moving back up north and your DH renting a room in London is a good one, he could put in long hours Monday - Thursday to allow for an early leave on Friday night. Also might be possible to do 'work from home on Friday' so travel back to you on Thursday night.

If he can find work back up north, even if it's a lower pay, if the cost of living is less then your standard of living on a lower wage might be vastly improved.

ZephirineDrouhin · 31/10/2011 11:19

Actually, op, it does sound as though your heart is with the house up north. If your dh could find a cheap enough room/bedsit for 4 nights a week perhaps moving back would be the way to go.

blackeyedsusan · 31/10/2011 11:22

alwayspoor

glad to see that things have become more supportive further down the thread.

sorry you have had such a bad time with you house, especially as you are trying to do your best to get work and support yourself by moving.

Fixture · 31/10/2011 11:25

Property is more expensive in the South, of course. But the money anyone pays into a mortgage is theirs, and if they sell up later and move out of London again, they'll be in an enormous house compared to those who have never lived in the South East. Or if they "downsize" later they'll have a bigger pension pot compared to those who have never owned property in the South East. This is why I think "London weightings" on jobs are unfair, but that's another thread!

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