'Why don't you get your husband to call us, instead?' - GRRRR

[RevoltingPeasant]

This is what the woman at the membership department of a charity I just joined said to me when I rang up because they had mistakenly listed our membership under HIS name, not mine, despite the fact that I am paying for it.

Why had they done this? - oh, because when the membership lady was filling out our form, she'd automatically put 'Mr' in the box 'because of course it's generally the man of the house who pays' (). I thought she was kidding, but apparently not.... And of course they couldn't fix it unless 'my husband' told them it was okay!

This also comes in a week when, after we bought a wardrobe, the salesman turned to DP despite the fact that I was getting my wallet out. When I pointedly held out my debit card, he took it, saying 'Unusual, very unusual' and then asked DP if he was going to take me out for lunch to make up for it.

AIBU to think the world is full of sexist pigs? Or am I stuck in some weird timewarp where women still need permission to have bank accounts and get egg money once a week Devon ?

Mostly though, in the domestic sphere, I don't have trouble getting tradesmen etc to take me seriously. People do address me as 'Mrs DP', or more often 'Mrs gb' but that's just them making a best guess.

I've used Ms all my adult life as have never intended to marry (might have if DP had cared deeply but he doesn't at all). It doesn't come up in face to face contact, though on the phone, when someone asks 'is that Mrs or Miss' and I say 'Ms', they sometimes react as if I'm being critical or confrontational. Their problem.

Having been brought up by a single mother and lived as a single homeowner for a few years myself, I just don't think twice about being dealing assertively with tradesmen and salespeople and they usually respond suitably. There are some idiots out there though, who deeserve to be ridiculed!

Get the frustration of asking the question and the answers going to my husband.
As for Bravissimo, they do address it to me, and I'm happy getting the sexy underwear even though my title is Rev

Immoral, that may be the most shocking thing I've ever read !!! And from a MIDWIFE!!!

Completely agree about the use of Ms being useful for heading off any discussions about husband's permission etc - doesn't always work though

Yy to bills in restaurants always being handed to DP. We were once eating lunch in a pub and the waiter came up and asked DP if everything was ok, DP said yes, then he walked off as if I was just a mirage! I pulled him up on it, told it him it was generally considered polite to ask both guests if all was ok. To his credit, he apologised profusely. DP was a bit but I felt I had to say something dammit!

DP loves computers etc and asked me to buy him some terrabyte drive (or summink!) for his birthday last year. So we went to the shop and it was v busy so we were standing around for about 5 mins waiting to be served. Sales tosser calls out 'sorry to keep you waiting SIR, won't be long!' When we finally got seen and it was time to pay, I handed over my debit card to the (up to that point v helpful) sales bloke and got all the smirky, raised-eyebrow, 'oh yes?' sort of malarkey. I normally just seethe in those situations but this time I said 'don't you get many women paying for stuff in here?' with a pointed look. The guy was a bit mortified to be fair and I felt a bit bad but I really do think we need to challenge this sort of crap rather than be silenced by it.

Anyone who thinks feminism is irrelevant should be FORCED to read this thread!

A few years ago the video player stopped working so I rang for a repair.
Him: 'have you unplugged it?'
Me: 'No, it's not unplugged'
Him: 'Are you sure, love? Sometimes you girls unplug stuff when you're doing your housework and forget you've done it'
My reply would have made a sailor blush.

lottie Thanks - you are right, I have written a letter to the charity's membership manager for the region, describing the situation and then saying:

In the end, I am not going to terminate my membership of the Trust, because I believe in what you are doing as a charity. I also understand that when you work with large numbers of volunteers, there may be issues around training and management which don?t occur when you are dealing with paid employees. Nevertheless, I have been made to feel distinctly unwelcome as a new member. I do not believe that couples? memberships should automatically use the husband or male partner as the primary member ? and it is vexing that your staff will deal only with my partner, despite the fact that he has no financial relationship with the Trust. Having spoken recently with a senior management figure in the Trust, I believe that increasing membership amongst younger people is a priority for you; I hope you won?t mind my saying that if your staff treat prospective female members in this way, it is unlikely to help achieve that goal.

I know what you mean about 'Ms' - recently, a hospital consultant said to me, 'Hello Mrs Peasant - oh, is it Mrs or Miss?' Like, ffs, you work in a frickin' hospital, do you REALLY not know any women who use ANY other title?

Though I suspect women = nurses + secretaries in that context...!!! Grrr.

nice letter, I think they'll appreciate that and, with any luck, act on it.

So there was I, thinking how lucky I was not to have experienced any of the above sexism.

Then MIL calls me. She never phones me (apart from when I was 38+ weeks with DD and she rang daily to 'see how I was') DH and MIL speak every couple of days.

PIL had bought DD shoes and boots, and when we visited last week they wanted her to try them on. DH and MIL were both there next to me when she was trying them on - in fact, he was the one putting them on and off her feet, I was half watching and nodding in agreement with him, half trying to entertain visiting DN.

Yet her phone call was to check which shoes she was having (they'd bought two sizes in each just in case) so she could take the wrong size back.

Clearly, although DH had been the one putting the shoes on and off DD's feet and had been the one squashing the fronts of the down with his thumb, it must be me as the mother who will be the font of all knowledge when it comes to things DD related

DH was also a bit when I pointed this out to him.

I haven't come across too much of this in the UK but I did as soon as I got to Australia - the bloke we got in to quote for painting the house we were moving into was shocking! Called me "dear", seemed surprised I had my own front door key, wouldn't speak to me about the technicalities of the painting at all (stripping back the painted wood, different colour primer etc.) but addressed it all to DH who knows SFA about it (whereas I have owned 3 houses myself and done it all before myself - and would have done this one apart from time constraints). What pissed me off even more though was that DH encouraged it, rather than saying "you should be talking to my wife, mate, she's the one who knows about this stuff". So, I walked out and left him to it. Of course, he didn't retain any of the information - and the quote that came in was a pile'o'shite anyway so we used someone else.

I have also been warned by friends here that anything to do with the car, DH has to deal with as they will attempt to rip me off, me bein' a woman and all.

I have noticed recently that when dh & I go for meals out, the bill is most often put in the middle between us, no assumption made.

If I went somewhere that didn't do that, I'd make a point of leaning over & picking it up in front of the the waiter to ensure that they realised what they'd done!

When I was living with XH and paying ALL the bills, I had many conversations with the energy companies to get them to put my name on the bill. And when we separated, I twice received a refund cheque for the balance addressed to him, FFS.

Recently we've been looking at bathrooms, and both salesman have addressed all comments to my DH because, of course, he must be in charge.

A couple of years ago I went with my printer (female) and boss (male) to visit potential new mailing houses for future business. The first one we visited... what a shower of bastards. When I asked a question (and I have more experience than my boss in that area), they addressed the answer to him. They patronised my printer and treated her like decoration. They ended up missing out on thousands of pounds worth of business and got a bollocking from my printer when they phoned to find out how they'd got on. They didn't realise they'd done anything wrong.

I made one of my suppliers change their form from 'Housewife' to 'Stay at home parent' this week; they were a bit surprised but did it anyway.

flisspaps your post reminded me of work. I fit children's shoes and the amount of dad's I find who assume that they know more than me (who's trained and certified) about the fit! Jerks

I've had it before when telling people I'm not interested building work etc. I get the "would you like to talk to dh" or "shall I call back later" etc etc. No, I'm not interested because it a council house you idiots, not because I need dh's permission!!

Mrs Twinks that is classic mansplaining!

We were going to a family party near London, and my parents were coming too. I booked two rooms at a Premier Inn, a family room for us and a double room for my parents. I paid on my debit card, name Mrs Oops.

I got the confirmation via e-mail, to my e-mail address. It started "Dear Mr (my dad)". Despite it being MY booking and MY debit card with MY name, he was listed first on everything.

RevoltingPeasant the National Trust's systems are comically archaic. I have had to have long long conversations about how I am able to speak for my husband when trying to change membership details - they insisted that it is him that they needed to speak to. One of the reasons we are no longer members ...

Sky TV Customer Service is a corker. It was the ONE bill that was in my (now) ex-husbands name.

We seperated 4 years ago. Divorced now. Will Sky let me change the bill into my name? Noooooooooooo! Data Protection, blah, blah. Can't change the name without speaking with "Mr Tales". "Just get him to ring up to authorise the change". Yep, I'm going to ask an abusive, controlling ex who I haven't spoken to for months and am not even sure where he's living to make a phonecall to Sky...

I am a named customer on the account but I've reverted to my maiden name since the divorce and having to ring Sky up and state HIS name, and HIS date of birth makes me want to spit! They've been quite happy to take all the payments for the past 4 years out of my sole bank account which is in my maiden name however!

Their only other solution is to cut the existing account off - so I lose Sky and Broadband for 2 weeks, and then they will re-connect it in my new name, all for a tidy fee of course. Yeah, cutting my Sky and internet off for 2 weeks is really gonna work for a SAHM with 3 kids.

Wankers!!!!!

Ohhhhh, that feels better. Been wanting to rant about that for ages

This thread would make a great case study for a customer service training course!

Booked the hotel, through this hotel chain's members website - am their loyalty club member, DH is not. Stay there often for business without DH. On my name, my credit card, DH (different surname) listed as additional guest.

Get to the room, open the usual welcome letter: Dear Mr Husbandsname, we appreciate that you have again selected our hotel for your stay...

There was a funny post on MN once how both husband and wife were doctors, she called to make a booking and the hotel didn't really understand - so those two men will share a room and she needs an extra one?

I get things addressed to Dr and Mrs Smelly. I am a Dr too. I even get things addressed (by a female colleague, once!) to Dr and Mrs John Smelly.

And when people phone up and say 'May I speak with Dr Smelly?' and I say 'Yes, speaking' the response can be interesting.

'Are you sure?' is a common one. Yes, I am sure.

And often, when I call new patients in from the waiting room, they will look a bit shocked and say things like 'Oh, I'm sorry, I though you were a man' - to which I either nod and smile politely, or if I'm having a really shit day say 'Well, actually, I used to be'.......

There is plenty of non-work or non-title related stuff too - although I have to say we use the car stuff to our advantage - DH knows nothing about cars, and I am a crack negotiator over both price and extras, so we let him do all the initial stuff and then send me in at the last minute when they are least expecting it.

Are you sure? :o

Tales are you sure you will have to be without? I did a totally seamless switch from his account to one in my name - and I got a new supa dupa sky box as a new customer and a better deal than the one we'd been on (no connection fee). We weren't with them for broadband though. Have to say I've always found Sky brilliant for customer services - they would always deal with me even though the account was in his name (did wonder whether they had a note on their system relating to the one time they did try to explain something technical to him and he had to hand the phone to me [hwink])

Lol at growled like the girl from the exorcist, yup, been there

I recently expressed an interest in an education organisation that provides additional resources for parents to use at home. They rang me back to arrange to come and meet DS1, but asked for a time when DH would be there. I explained that DH is out of the house from 5.45am until around 10pm during the week, so it would be easier to just do it with me as it would be me doing the work with DS anyway. No, they couldn't accept that since DH is away most of the week we have agreed that day to day educational matters will be dealt with by me. They have lost a sale.

catsrus that's interesting because I've written to them (advised by a Sky rep I spoke to), turned on the tears to try to get them to do a seamless transfer and still got a big fat NO.

They hate me.

I know 2 weeks doesn't seem like a long time to be without broadband and Sky but with me, 3 kids, SN and cancer in the house, it'd be like an eternity!

I'll just have to suck it up and keep quoting his name and DOB every time I ring them. It's not the end of the world, it just galls me

I once flew to the US on my own, and was sat next to a complete stranger for the journey.

When he declined coffee they took it away. FFS.