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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pornography

164 replies

oohlaalaa · 26/10/2011 14:23

An ex boyfriend put on a porn DVD. I was so enraged I finished with him.

It seemed to me, that this young mixed up girl (looked like she was about 17 or 18 to me) was being taken advantage of, and had been manipulated into it. I could not believe that this girl would want a gang bang, with the finale being three men ejaculating on her face. Euugh.

I found it misogynistic and exploitative. I'm not a prudish nutcase usually.

A bit of titillation in Mags lads has never bothered me, neither have lap dancing clubs. It was the power over woman I hated, in this DVD. It focused on the women's face and body, but not his.

Am I being unreasonable to think that pornography is exploitative to women, and hating how women are portrayed in hardcore porn?

Before you go judging me for watching this cr*p, it was about ten years ago. I ask this question now, as one of my friends said that she'd binned her boyfriends DVD stash, when she moved in with him.

OP posts:
Whatmeworry · 26/10/2011 14:43

:o < The Sign of The Bobbitt

Original poster
oohlaalaa · 26/10/2011 14:44

Haggysoldclothbatspus - yeah, but what if the men are old and ugly....

OP posts:
bibbitybobbitybloodyaxe · 26/10/2011 14:44

Oohlaalaa - you may be receiving a slightly hostile reaction because this subject has been debated very many times and at great length on Mumsnet.

It is also a topic where posters on either side of the debate tend to have entrenched views, these views tend not to change, and things get very heated very quickly.

If you use the advanced search button and search for thread titles with the words porn or pornography in the title you will find literally hundreds of threads.

MillyR · 26/10/2011 14:45

OP, I think you have two different issues conflated here.

  1. AIBU to think that porn is wrong. Clearly there are going to be two camps on that one.
  2. AIBU to have a particular sexuality and particular ethical beliefs and to end a relationship with somebody who does not share with them? Apart from a few people who want all us all to think exactly the same as them about sexuality, people will think YANBU.
MrBloomsNursery · 26/10/2011 14:46

I don't think women are forced into making porn movies. They have a clear choice before they walk to that "interview" about what will happen and what is expected of them. They WANT to do it. I don't believe any level of money difficulties forces a woman to go and get paid for sex. These women aren't forced.

rycooler · 26/10/2011 14:46

Grin Wmw

worraliberty · 26/10/2011 14:47

OP you could always search the 9999999444447777666 threads on this subject or if you want a completely unbiased point of view, post in the feminism section....

Grin
GnocchiGnocchiWhosThere · 26/10/2011 14:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Beachcomber · 26/10/2011 14:47

I'm afraid you are getting this reaction because this issue has been discussed a fair bit on MN and it tends to end in fighting.

I think you are right - porn is exploitative and misogynistic.

maypole1 · 26/10/2011 14:52

Mrblooms the porn I watch is mostly of couples who have just up loaded their fruity movies so no one is getting paid its a bit like you tube

Some are really funny, some are of really old couples Blush and some are very sexy

We once watched one were the guy fell of the bed during his wife spent the reminder of the clip trying not to start laughing again

I just think if you don't like porn fine don't watch it not sure what op wants and swelling of agreement which she won't get because not every one thinks its evil

MrBloomsNursery · 26/10/2011 14:57

maypole - thanks for filling me in on the type of porn you watch Confused...

MillyR · 26/10/2011 14:58

That is just what I was thinking MBN!

worraliberty · 26/10/2011 14:59

PMSL @ 'filling me in' Blush

Original poster
oohlaalaa · 26/10/2011 15:00

Well, I've done a search on the net.

Naked photos, lap dancing, novels (hell prudish me loves a good sex scene in a novel or movie) are all in my opinion fine.

Some porn, women obviously choose to it. However, it seems that many of the women are young and vulnerable and have been manipulated. It was my concern for the girl, that made me flinch in the film, and so cross with my ex.

Yes, porn does objectify women, but I think its the concern for the girl, that got to me.

OP posts:
Original poster
oohlaalaa · 26/10/2011 15:02

by net, I mean mumsnet.

OP posts:
RedOnion · 26/10/2011 15:03

"...but I think its the concern for the girl, that got to me"

After you watched the film TEN years ago? Really?

Nah, you just wanted a bunfight Grin

Teeb · 26/10/2011 15:05

"It's a long time ago, and me and this ex, were not right together anyhow. At the time, I was enraged, as I could not believe this girl enjoyed and had made the choice, all on her own, to be treated like a piece of meat."

I find this view point more damaging about women actually, that you seem to have decided 'all' women within the porn industry are vulnerable, weak and there to be used. Why do you think that is?

In my eyes so long as all involved are of a legal age and of sound mind to make decisions, then they give their consent to participate and profit from such ventures. (last time I checked, being a woman in 2011 didn't make you unable to consent to choices.)

Original poster
oohlaalaa · 26/10/2011 15:06

Redonion. Your right, I do like a debate.

It was this conversation with my friend, at how she dislikes the misogyny of porn, that set me thinking how the DVD made an impression on me. At the time, I wasn't as clued up to the internet, and did not have a forum of anonymous users to air my views.

OP posts:
Haggyoldclothbatspus · 26/10/2011 15:09

Like I said, when you get to my age shape Wink

EllaDee · 26/10/2011 15:10

I think milly puts it well about the two issues in the OP.

I also think, OP, you don't have to seek permission or approval to feel uncomfortable with or disgusted by porn. It's a free world. You know how you feel. You are not hurting anyone by feeling that. I find it a bit sad that the tone of the debate here is, 'is it ok not to like porn' - FFS, of course it''s ok. Why shouldn't the people who do like porn have to justify their view, since it is much harder (and in some cases of course, impossible) to demonstrate that that is not hurting anyone.

Original poster
oohlaalaa · 26/10/2011 15:11

Thanks Teeb. Good point, I'm probably the prude.

I don't think women are weak, but I think in the film she was dressed in very sweet young clothes, and seemed vulnerable. Its a longtime ago, but thats how it came across to me.

Yes, a women can make choices. However reading the threads on here, and reviews of The Dark Side of Porn (channel 4 docu), it seems my concerns were not entirely unfounded.

OP posts:
worraliberty · 26/10/2011 15:12

Concerned for the girl why? Because you don't know how long she may have been trying to get her break in the porn industry? Because you're concerned she's enjoying herself? Concerned she's earning a shit load of money? Concerned she has a very happy life through the choices she made?

Or concerned because you're assuming without any grounds whatsoever that she was somehow forced to do it and hates every minute?

Unless you know her personally, you'll never know if there's any reason to be concerned about what she does for a living.

Oh and many happy couples/singles pay to attend gang bangs in certain private clubs so it's not like no-one likes them.

Each to their own without the assumptions huh?

maypole1 · 26/10/2011 15:18

Thats ok mrblooms

And every one keeps saying women are exploited their is such as a gay porn were no women are involved

Also the paid porn films are often owned and filmed by women I guess their being forced as well

While I expect that op is right to finish with anyone she feels uncountable with she has to take on bored millions of people watch porn including women

Original poster
oohlaalaa · 26/10/2011 15:19

worraliberty - yes, your right I was assuming, that she didnt want to be called a bitch by these men and give these men around her BJs, along with taking it up both holes at the same time, with a film crew recording it all, and no condoms in sight. Perhaps I got it wrong, and she is educated on the implications of her career choice, and loves her job. Perhaps I was being very presumptuous.

OP posts:
worraliberty · 26/10/2011 15:22

Yes and perhaps you're judging this woman's sexual tastes by your own standards?

maypole makes a good point. Why weren't you worried the men were forced into this film to pay off a drug debt? Or pay off someone who smuggled them into the country because they were so desperate?

The people forced into porn (and let's remember that's no all of them) aren't just female you know.