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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... to think it's rude to ask for cash as a birthday gift?

35 replies

shubiedoo · 25/10/2011 20:49

Ds1 is invited to a classmate's party on Friday, and I asked the mum what he was into, seeing what sort of gift he'd like. I often buy gifts in sales and put them aside for parties in case I don't have much time to shop, books or small Lego sets etc. She actually said, "oh a gift card would be great", and named several shops!
Of course that is the easiest option, and I see where she's coming from. But now I have to actually spend a certain amount and I feel slightly annoyed. What do you think?

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 25/10/2011 20:50

You asked her ,she told you, so

YABU

SansaLannister · 25/10/2011 20:52

She didn't ask for cash, she asked for gift cards.

Angelico · 25/10/2011 20:53

In this situation I think it's a little rude for her to want cash but as usualsuspect says you asked. If you prefer to get a gift you should go ahead, assuming you know the child's tastes.

SurprisEs · 25/10/2011 20:53

It's not rude at all. You asked and she answered.

Me and DH have asked for money or gift cards for Christmas as we are facing difficulties and have a few things to buy for DC2.

whatacrapstressfulday · 25/10/2011 20:54

yes, I think it's a wee bit rude.

Original poster
shubiedoo · 25/10/2011 20:55

Hmm, well I didn't ask, do you want a gift card or not, I asked what sort of toys he liked, there is a difference.

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 25/10/2011 20:55

Then why ask?

Just give a gift you already have

Squiglettsmummy2bx · 25/10/2011 20:56

I think it is rude to ask this from a school friend as you then need to give a set amount of money & it is clear what you have spent where you could get an expensive present in the sales for a bargain price & no one would know. With family & close friends it is a different matter but then you know more about the person you are buying for anyway.

MissVerydead · 25/10/2011 20:57

She was probably trying to make things a bit easier for you.

I always give gist cards because I cannot. be. bothered. with shopping for birthday presents for children that cost no more than about £15. It's usually tat or crap.

At least gift cards can be pooled towards something bigger and more meaningful.

MissVerydead · 25/10/2011 20:57

Good grief, gift

Chrysanthemum5 · 25/10/2011 20:58

DS had his birthday recently and some of the mums got together and bought a gift card for a toy shop. It was great - it meant they spent £5 each (which is the maximum I'd want to spend) and DS was able to buy a toy he'd wanted for ages. However he did also get some gifts which was great because opening a toy is fun, opening a gift card is dull.

Anyway you asked, the mum answered - personally I think asking for a gift card is a bit rude. If you've got presents in stock I'd give one of those

SirHumphreyAppleby · 25/10/2011 20:58

Course it's rude. It means you have to pay a certain amount, or you will look mean. No chance of getting a great gift for a bargain price.

Original poster
shubiedoo · 25/10/2011 21:00

Exactly squiglett! I can't really get away with spending less than a certain amount when it's a gift card. I might get him something small and then give 10 on a gift card as well.

OP posts:
slavetofilofax · 25/10/2011 21:00

I think if you asked, it's fair enough that she stated a preference.

The fact that you buy gifts in sales or whatever is irrelevant if you asked what he wanted. We love getting vouchers or gift cards, because it's nice to go and spend them, and it helps the child learn about the value of money.

If you wanted to give a gift that you chose or that you had already picked up in a sale, why would you ask?? Confused

What woud you have done if you had a stash of book and lego sets ready for parties, asked what they wanted, and then they said something that you didn't have? It's the same difference.

Original poster
shubiedoo · 25/10/2011 21:00

And Humphrey, same sentiment!

OP posts:
SurprisEs · 25/10/2011 21:01

If OP had gifts at home why did she ask? Should've just picked one.

usualsuspect · 25/10/2011 21:01

I would get a fiver gift card ,its not a competition to see who spends the most on presents

MissVerydead · 25/10/2011 21:02

Shubiedoo I think that is a good idea.

Catsdontcare · 25/10/2011 21:03

She didn't ask for cash she asked for a gift card. And actually you asked she answered so yabu. If you have budget in mind or surplus gifts at home then it's best not to ask! I actually think it's quite nice when kids get given something very different to what they are normally into so I never ask!

Catsdontcare · 25/10/2011 21:05

Also there is nothing wrong with a five pound gift voucher.

usualsuspect · 25/10/2011 21:06

No ,anyone who thought that was mean would have to lump it I'm afraid

verlainechasedrimbauds · 25/10/2011 21:07

OP do you judge people by how much they spend on gifts, or how much you think they have spent? I don't. If someone gave a £2 gift voucher, I wouldn't think any less of them than if they gave a £20 voucher. I'd think it was kind that they had given something. You asked "what he was in to". She might know that all the things he is "into" cost loads of money, so I think asking for a gift card rather than a toy is quite thoughtful actually, especially if she suggested several shops.

Original poster
shubiedoo · 25/10/2011 21:08

Well, we're in Canada and you really can't get much for $5, even $10 looks a bit mean! This child moved from another school last year so we just met them, I was being polite...

OP posts:
Original poster
shubiedoo · 25/10/2011 21:10

That's a good point Verlaine (and I like French lit too!)

OP posts:
WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid · 25/10/2011 21:10

Why did you ask if you were going to give her a stored up present you had at home. Did you think there was a good chance she would ask for a present you had already bought?
I don't think asking for a gift card is rude.