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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

about SIL and DS1's Bris (circumcision) ?

999 replies

imlikeaironingboard · 25/10/2011 01:05

I'm Jewish (Liberal) and DH counts himself as secular Jewish (as does all of his family).
His DBro (my BIL) married out - not a 'big' thing with them due to the whole non practicing/secular thing.

I'm due to give birth to DS1 (DC2) in a week.

They do not have children and it is only DH and BIL as siblings. our DC1 is a DD.

Both DH and BIL are circumcised.

She told us tonight that she would not be coming to DS1 Bris. The idea of doing that 'disgusts' her.

AIBU to be really upset and to think that she should have realised that marrying into a jewish family secular or not would mean that these sort of things would happen?

This has really really upset me - I have never got a hint of her feeling like this before.

OP posts:
helpmabob · 25/10/2011 19:51

Wow some seriously ignorant pov re circumcision on this thread. I can't even begin to count the number of people, babies etc who have been circumcised, Jewish and non Jewish and NONE have even had a second's worth of problems. The comparisons of this to other practices is woefully ignorant and insulting.

and how dare people suggest to the OP what she should pick and choose to practice - Absolutely out of order and probably hypocritical for many. A horrid and ill informed thread.

GalloweesG · 25/10/2011 19:52

You are knowingly yet unquestioningly letting your child be hurt, open to infection, have his anatomy altered. Why should we respect your blind faith.

Tell me OP, why won't you wait for your ds to make a choice as an adult? Why are you foisting your religion and it's associated rituals onto a baby.

You are going to hand your baby over to be seriously physically hurt. Why?

HeresTheScaryThingBooyhoo · 25/10/2011 19:53

ok, so it is simpy the fact that she clarified why she wouldn't be attending that you think is rude?
but yet you say your friend explained her feelings and you were happy with that.

so which is it? do you want her to tell you why she isn't coming or not? Confused

Original poster
imlikeaironingboard · 25/10/2011 19:53

we talked about when we were pregnant with DC1 with BIL and SIL. crunch she sat there in a room with the 4 of us (who are close) and said nothing , even when we were all saying views on it

OP posts:
Methe · 25/10/2011 19:53

If you are that sure that you are doing the right thing why would you care what anyone else thinks?

It does read as if you have been reminded that chopping of your perfect baby boys foreskin for absolutely no valid reason at all is not normal to everyone.

Can I ask why you want it done?

GalloweesG · 25/10/2011 19:53

May you feel your babies pain Op.

AgentZigzag · 25/10/2011 19:55

X-posts, saying nothing about how you feel isn't lying OP!

Nobody's under any obligation to say everything they think, everyone picks and chooses depending on who they're with and where.

And she doesn't owe you any explanation as to how she feels, you're being unreasonable to expect one.

Malificence · 25/10/2011 19:55

I can't respect anyone who would willingly mutilate a child in the name of religion.

A family member once told me that my DD would die a horrible death because we refused to have her baptised, well my DD is 21 and perefctly healthy and that family member is now dead, a fairly horrible death, strange that being baptised didn't prevent that Hmm .

HeresTheScaryThingBooyhoo · 25/10/2011 19:55

"I can't even begin to count the number of people, babies etc who have been circumcised, Jewish and non Jewish and NONE have even had a second's worth of problems. "

so there are never any problems with circumcision?

FabbyChic · 25/10/2011 19:56

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

moonstorm · 25/10/2011 19:57

Genital mutilation in babies (or anybody) is disgusting, though.

YABU

More people should speak up and change these disgusting outdated practices.

AgentZigzag · 25/10/2011 19:57

'how dare people suggest to the OP what she should pick and choose to practice'

The OP finds it reasonable to think she can tell her SIL that she's not entitled to pick and choose which parts she does/doesn't like, do you find that acceptable helpmabob?

Northernlurker · 25/10/2011 19:58

I think it's a fallacy to suggest that we don't all make choices for our dcs that will affect them in to adulthood. Perhaps they are not physically apparent like circumcision but come on lets not kid ourselves- we all make choices for our dcs based on our beliefs, hopes and dreams.

LaFilleSurLePont · 25/10/2011 20:01

Are you claiming that no one has ever had problems after being circumcised,helpmaboab? How did you acquire such intimate knowledge of so many penises?

Complications are far from uncommon,and here are just a few of the possible problems that can arise.

There's a considerable number of men who are trying to restore their foreskins,having been circumcised as infants, particuarly in the States, so evidently not everyone is happy about their circumcision. here.

FabbyChic · 25/10/2011 20:01

I never forced any beliefs on my kids, if showing them respect so they learnt how to respect, if wanting them to succeed where I did not is force, I don't think so.

Whilst I stated I'd like them to go to Uni I never pushed it they chose to.

Ive never forced food on them they never liked, I'd never cut off a part of their body in the name of any fucking religion, its like what you read about native parts of the world where they cut off clits, and sew up vaginas when girls are 7. Barbaric.

Sickening and this is not the dark ages and we live in a civilised society, mutilation in the form of circumcision in the name of any religion is shameful.

DutchGirly · 25/10/2011 20:02

Helpmabob, can you please refer to what points of view are ignorant?

Anecdotal evidence such as I can't even begin to count the number of people, babies etc who have been circumcised, Jewish and non Jewish and NONE have even had a second's worth of problems. is a mindless defense when scientific and medical research have proved that there are risks with infant circumcision as there are with any medical procedures.

GuillotinedMaryLacey · 25/10/2011 20:04

This is fucking hysterical. The OP is all poor me because her SIL said something to upset her (diddums). Yet there is zero consideration for the physical pain and mutilation that her poor, unsuspecting newborn is going to go through. A real case of me me me me me me and sod everyone else.

You have seriously got your priorities fucked up, OP.

Original poster
imlikeaironingboard · 25/10/2011 20:05

I'm not going to explain my faith to anyone. It is mine and it is dear to me and debate and share your views on a part of it be my guest. But do not tell me it is not valid, or that I do not love my DCs or that I am an abuser or may I feel there pain.
that is my faith - end of, in which some parts are not explainable. The same way that I my faith in G-d isn't explainable, it is faith for a reason.

No it is the fact that instead of saying to me in a grown up way that she wouldn't be going she said it the way she did.

Ohh and I care because this was the woman I would have liked to me DS Kvetterin, because we are close.

OP posts:
FriggOmortisFRIGG · 25/10/2011 20:05

mutilating babies IS disgusting.

there aren't many things that i am this vocal about,
but it is a terrible,torturous thing to subject a tiny baby too.

you are supposed to protect them from harm,not subject them to it.

please,please reconsider.

GuillotinedMaryLacey · 25/10/2011 20:06

Strange that the faith requires it to be done on 8 day old babies and not at 13 for example, when the boy becomes a man and can make his own decisions. Wonder why that is? Hmm

HeresTheScaryThingBooyhoo · 25/10/2011 20:07

northern i have never and will never make a decision for my children that i know will harm them either physically or emotionally. if some of the decisions i do make are wrong and cause harm then i would forever feel guilty about that. but to purposely set out to harm my child? no, not ever.

GnomeDePlume · 25/10/2011 20:08

OP you seem to be most offended that your SiL didnt mention her disgust before. Why? What difference would it have made? Perhaps when you first discussed it your SiL felt unable to comment through lack of knowledge and has since got some information?

Not everyone knows all the rituals contained in their own faith let alone someone else's. Perhaps as your BiL is secular she wasnt aware that it would be an issue.

On another thought - SiL hasnt 'married in' - she is not her husband's chattle, she no more has to take on his religious rituals than he has to take on hers. If and when they have children they have as much right/social obligation to raise their children according to her rituals as his. Having no rituals is also a legitimate choice.

GalloweesG · 25/10/2011 20:09

Why did you post in Aibu by the way?

Methe · 25/10/2011 20:10

I don't believe the need to remove a piece if your child in the name of religion is valid. I think God would be ashamed of people mutiliating babies in His name.

HeresTheScaryThingBooyhoo · 25/10/2011 20:10

what do you mean a grown up way? she said "i wont be going because i find it disgusting" how do you think she should have said it?

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