Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 11 12 13 ··· 39 40

Original poster

about SIL and DS1's Bris (circumcision) ?

999 replies

imlikeaironingboard · 25/10/2011 01:05

I'm Jewish (Liberal) and DH counts himself as secular Jewish (as does all of his family).
His DBro (my BIL) married out - not a 'big' thing with them due to the whole non practicing/secular thing.

I'm due to give birth to DS1 (DC2) in a week.

They do not have children and it is only DH and BIL as siblings. our DC1 is a DD.

Both DH and BIL are circumcised.

She told us tonight that she would not be coming to DS1 Bris. The idea of doing that 'disgusts' her.

AIBU to be really upset and to think that she should have realised that marrying into a jewish family secular or not would mean that these sort of things would happen?

This has really really upset me - I have never got a hint of her feeling like this before.

OP posts:

MrsStephenFry · 25/10/2011 19:30

Its not always qualified doctors though, or clinics.

breatheslowly · 25/10/2011 19:31

Where is the OP now? Still reading or has she got her head in the sand regarding how people who don't belong to a circumcising culture see it?

LaFilleSurLePont · 25/10/2011 19:31

MrBloom,please try to educate yourself on this issue. Again you cannot get the ring under the foreskin without tearing and separating it from the glans. There is blood and there is cutting involved. Check the link if you don't believe me. and I can post several others to prove the same.

GalloweesG · 25/10/2011 19:32

I still find it disgusting.

foreverondiet · 25/10/2011 19:32

I am not going to read the whole thread as circumcision threads on mumsnet generally end badly, and I have no interest in the other comments.

I am an orthodox jew and both DS1 and DS2 circumcised at 8 days old. But I do agree its a bit barbaric and having read people's opinions about circumcision on mumsnet I'd say the following:

a) I completely respect anyone's decision not to attend a brit milah.
b) I am not sure I even understand why non observant jews who don't see themselves to be bound by the torah's commandments eg shabbat, kashrut bother with a brit milah.

So I think your SIL's is entitled to her opinion and you should get over it. Its your choice whether you want to circumcise your son and her choice whether she wants to come. And lets face it fair enough that she find it a bit disgusting.

Original poster

imlikeaironingboard · 25/10/2011 19:32

Above you breath

OP posts:

seeker · 25/10/2011 19:33

"So are you trying to say I hate my unborn child (who I have gone through infertility to get pregnant with) just because I want him circumcised? Utter crap."

Well, I don't think you hate your unborn child. But I do think you are an unthinking follower of the crowd who hasn't got the balls to stand up for your child against a mindless tradition.

breatheslowly · 25/10/2011 19:33

x post

GalloweesG · 25/10/2011 19:35

I don't understand how any loving Mother could hand her newborn baby over to go through this without good medical reason.

LaFilleSurLePont · 25/10/2011 19:35

And cutting is cutting whether it's done with a scalpel or surgical scissors,so please stop insisting that this is a bloodless,painless procedure that involves no cutting. If you're going to do this to your ds then you should educate yourself on what's really involved.

diddl · 25/10/2011 19:35

Well as you say, OP, your friend won´t attend as she doesn´t agree with it-and neither does your SIL.

Can´t really see why it´s winding you up so much tbh.

Does it surprise you that some people don´t agree/find it disgusting?

What difference would it have made if she hadn´t said how she felt?

She still wouldn´t be going.

DutchGirly · 25/10/2011 19:36

Mrbloom so you cannot refer to the posts who said that circumcised men are bad lovers, you drew your own conclusion based on what evidence exactly?

Nobody has said you hate your unborn child. I do think that circumcising an infant because you as the parents want the circumcision is selfish. An infant cannot give consent nor make an informed decision. You as an adult can.

HeresTheScaryThingBooyhoo · 25/10/2011 19:38

"The fact that she never bought it up before (when we found out it was a boy or when pregnant with DC1 which we didn't know sex of) futher upsets me."

why does it matter when she brought it up? she would still find it disgusting so her response to you would ahve been the same.

Original poster

imlikeaironingboard · 25/10/2011 19:38

There are ways of saying how you feel without teling someone that it disgusts you. Especially if they are in your family. That winds me up and that upsets me.

OP posts:

diddl · 25/10/2011 19:40

So she shouldn´t tell you how she feels because she´s family?

Bloody hell!

breatheslowly · 25/10/2011 19:40

Would it really have been so much better if she had said it when she found out that you were pregnant. Should she have said, "Congratulations, but I do find the Jewish tradition of circumcision disgusting, just to make it totally clear."

I still think that of all the bits of a religion that can be a complete way of life it is very odd to have selected this bit to follow.

Your issue is that your SIL lacked tact. Circumcision is hardly a gentle thing, I don't see why anyone should be expected to pussy-foot around it.

I do wonder whether you are in some ways saying that you are finding the idea of harming your new baby difficult and anyone speaking against it is just making it more difficult for you.

Methe · 25/10/2011 19:41

You must understand that most people find the idea of circumcision utterly abhorrent.

You can pretend it's normal and acceptable if you like but you have to be aware that most people think it is disgusting.

If you were my friend I wouldn't lie to you about it. I think I'd be doing your son a massive disservice if I did, someone needs to stick up for him, poor kid.

breatheslowly · 25/10/2011 19:42

It seems that you were lucky she didn't call you a child abuser to your face. Describing it as disgusting is probably on the light end of some of the responses on this thread.

Northernlurker · 25/10/2011 19:47

I give the OP credit for coming back to the thread. Goodness knows I wouldn't have. She has said she is a practicing Jew so I don't think we can assume this is the only part of the faith she is following.

HeresTheScaryThingBooyhoo · 25/10/2011 19:47

OP she feels it is disgusting so she used the word disgusting. that is expressing how she feels.

i'm getting the impression she has hit a nerve by telling you to your face what infant circumcision is. i think even if she had said "i just dont want to be present, i have my reasons" you would still be posting here saying you think she was being rude or disrespectful to you. you being family does not trump her right to voice an opinion. i am also getting the impression that you were aware of her feelings but expected her to comply with your wishes (are you quite a dominating person?) and you are shocked at her standing up to you.

just a guess though.

Original poster

imlikeaironingboard · 25/10/2011 19:48

Where are pople getting some of this stuff from??

She is more so entitled to tell me that she doesn't like it and explain why to me because she is family. Saying one word is not that. My friend hasn't lied she explained her feelings to me fully not just said one word.
Yes I understand some peoples POV. I don't have pretend it s normal because for me it is. It may not be for her but to me it is. you and me and anyone else can't decide on what is normal or not. We can have a bit of respect though when disscussing it.

OP posts:

crunchbag · 25/10/2011 19:50

"The fact that she never bought it up before (when we found out it was a boy or when pregnant with DC1 which we didn't know sex of) futher upsets me."

Did you bring it up with her, asked her about her thoughts beforehand?

Original poster

imlikeaironingboard · 25/10/2011 19:50

heres I was never awarre of her views - taht is one of the issues and no i wouldn't be posting if she had said I won't be present, or even if she had said she doesn't agree with it therefore wouldn't be attending.
And no I am not a dominating person actually.

OP posts:

HeresTheScaryThingBooyhoo · 25/10/2011 19:51

OP even if she expressed her feelings fully, it would still amount to teh fact that she found it disgusting. explaing it in length doesn't change that fact.

AgentZigzag · 25/10/2011 19:51

You respect your friend for telling you the reasons why she doesn't like circumcision OP, but are very upset with your SIL just because she didn't see fit to clarify how she got to the decision that she thinks it disgusting.

Can you not just fill in the gaps in your SILs statement (you are aware of the reasons why some find it an offensive practice aren't you?) and take it as her not wanting to kick up an almighty family ruckus?

Or, going from what you said ini the opening post about the statement coming out of the blue, is it you feel uncertain because you thought you knew your SIL and how she felt, and you're unsettled when you couldn't 'read' her repulsion with the procedure?

If you couldn't read it on your SILs face and in her behaviour with you, then who else thinks this but says something else to your face?

Flip

1 2 ··· 11 12 13 ··· 39 40

Swipe left for the next trending thread