AIBU to have just realised that I have been sexual assaulted many times

[PippiLongBottom]

I had extremely large breasts as a young teen. I was a 30DD at 13 and my size 8 hour glass figure was very popular with the boys .

At 19 I had my breasts reduced on the NHS because my head was fucked.

It is only with many years of hindsight (I am 36) thanks to Mumsnet and a recently developed feminist perspective that I realise that all the 'incidents' that happened to me were sexual assaults/grooming and not my fault.

I have fb'd one of the cuntslprits tonight.

porcamiseria, a teenage boy who is beaten up, isn't told that it's just a joke, that he's got no sense of humour, he should be laughing it off, and that's just what other men do, so there's no sense making a fuss about it.

So I'm not entirely sure why you think it's worth mentioning here.

Have I mentioned the crochet group that's held round the corner from me? That might be worth mentioning as well, because it has about as much relevance.

WMW Do you have any current plans to put a time limit on how long you continue to conflate feminism and puritanism? The two philosophies have nothing in common and it is simply tiresome to reiterate the same argument you've been using since Oh, Calcutta, Hair and Lady Chatterley. Pray desist.

I don't have a problem with that agenda worraliberty.

I'm struggling to see what it's got to do with the thread though, apart from the teenage boys should be educated - everyone thinks that, it's one of the reasons we pay our taxes. Teenage girls should be as well. And adults. [hsmile]

the reason I am mentioning it is that shit things can happen to us in our early teens, thing thats happen less as we grow older.

girls get groped
boys get the shit kicked out of them, nasty physical bullying

Just its turning again into a massive feminist thing, and I dont see the need why

Wooop - if you're who I think you are, what crochet group? Don't they do quilting anymore?

Viz the hen night/ stag night shenanigans, my DB says it was a stag night that made him make the decision to give up drinking alcohol. He was just so gobsmacked by the whole unpleasant experience. [hgrin]

porcamiseria, the fact that boys are beaten and bullied would be worth mentioning, for example, if it related to sexual violence.

For example, I remember a boy in my class at school who was constantly bullied and physically assaulted on more than one occasion for hanging out with girls, for standing up for them when the boys were name-calling, bra pinging, groping, etc. He was accused of being gay. Whether he was or not I don't know, but he was abused and bullied because of his perceived sexuality (i.e. being "like a girl" so inferior,) and because he supported girls who were being sexually bullied.

If it's boys bullying boys about supporting a different football team or not wearing trendy trainers, it's probably better for a different discussion though.

porca you don't see why girls getting groped (and boys getting beaten up, for that matter) is a massive feminist thing. Really?

Really? You don't see why?

You don't have any idea why the fact that a girl is subjected to sexual harassment from the age of 12 ish, and is gaslighted by the whole of society in being told that her perfectly reasonable outrage is an over-reaction, while a boy who is beaten up is generally looked after and has the police called so that the hooligans who did it can be prosecuted, might be a feminist issue?

Oh dear.

Alice you're right, it's quilting! [hgrin]

Apparently equal pay's not a feminist issue either.

Or porn

Or rape

Or domestic violence

Or sex trafficking

Or maternity rights

Or housework

Or childcare

In fact, nothing is.

I think porca is saying Shit Happens Get Over It. got anymore of that gin Alice, fags and brews are doing it for me anymore.

Denigrating men and sexually objectifying them is not progress though, is it?
It's also an utterly futile exercise in anyone's quest to build a society where men and women are treated with respect and dignity.

WMW what you fail to grasp on all of these threads (and you are not alone) is that like the poster here, women get assaulted while undertaking perfectly normal activities, like walking to their destinations, being in a classroom at school, going for a meal with her parents. What do you suggest this poster could have done in those situations to "recognise the signs and take avoiding action"?

I'm surprised (and saddened)that anyone thinks that groping etc. is typical behaviour and ignored by society in general.

Never experienced anything more than an odd comment from a stranger.

I don't think it's relevant really, but the police aren't called for every boy that is beaten up- many will be told to "learn to stand up for themselves" and of course the police aren't going to be called for every incidence of bra twanging, bum pinching, but there will be police involved for many cases of more serious sexual assault.

I don't have a problem with that agenda worraliberty

I think you might have the wrong poster but I can't find the one you were addressing that to

Woop for God's sake woman, don't you understand that some/all/one/none of those things could affect MEN? Are you mad?

Sorry porcamiseria - bit of a cross posting.

I agree with aliceliddel. If someone is being harassed, bullied or assaulted because of their gender or sexual identity (where their gender or sexual identity is seen as inferior by the bully and by society in general,) then I would say it most definitely is a "feminist thing."

I also think it is perhaps simplistic to assume that boys and girls "grow out" of abusive and bulling behaviours and the hurt such behaviours cause them.

The Relationship section on MN is choc full of examples of adult women on the sharp end of bullying, controlling and abusive men. Similarly, boys who bullied other boys for not being "manly enough" are quite likely to grow into the adult men who continue to taunt other adult men for the same reason. They can also be the same adult men who regard women in general as inferior and engage with them with that always in mind.

Sorry you're right, it's Whatmeworry
It's the W's...

Actually boys will only be told to "stand up for themselves" if they have abusive parents, onefatcat. No decent parent will tell a bruised, beaten, crying teenage boy that he should have stood up for himself.

Whereas girls will be told to stop over-reacting by quite loving, good parents who are doing their best.

But you can't compare a girl having your bra strap twanged with a bruised, beaten bleeding and crying child?
Loving parents of girls who have suffered a more serious assault would call the police.

I do think its part of growing up, and as I said earlier I think op needs to try and resolve and complete with this area of her past. I am not saying "shit happens, get over it" , I am saying, try to do something practical to adress and resolve it.

If you look at the stats, there are far more suicide rates with young men than young women. so that shows that the vile bullying teenage bioys experience does have an effect

anyway, the minute you said GASLIGHTING you lost me, ciao ciao

Pippi - YANBU. I have had similar realisations recently arising from a recent (but not too serious luckily) sexual assault, that things in the past that I put down to blokes just being blokes were actually assaults that should have been taken more seriously.

Also, I also had big boobs from being a teenager and the constant comments and accidental brushes/grabs used to really get me down. It used to feel like everyone thought they had a right to comment or make a joke about them and my self esteem wasn't up to knowing/saying how wrong it was.

I do think though, that if you are going to post an issue that is sensitive, which this clearly is for you, AIBU is the wrong place. Think about the kind of posters that hang around in AIBU (usually looking for a laugh or a fight), it's not the place for support.

Oh dear, I've lost porcamiseria

And there was I, thinking I had her in the palm of my hand...

Actually the problem with telling girls that it doesn't matter if their bra strap is twanged, is that you are telling them that it doesn't matter if boys overstep their boundaries.

Don't bloody expect them to be able to speak up and say "no", when it's really important, if you've told them that their personal boundaries don't matter when it isn't that important. Don't suddenly expect them to act assertively, outraged, furious when someone tries to rape them, if you've told them they're crazy over-dramatic bitches when their boundaries are breached first time. This is a situation where zero tolerance really is the only effective defence.

this article says it better

Thing is onefatcat, pinging of a bra strap might seem like a minor, slightly embarrassing that should be just forgotten. But, things like that rarely happen in isolation and not recur. If boys and girls aren't made aware that this isn't acceptable and why, it will continue to happen. It can escalate to name calling involving sexual slurs, and sexual touching. It can be compounded by a general atmosphere that boys are strong, assertive, natural leaders and in control while girls are just decorative, good at helping, caring and putting others first, modest and self-effacing.

So, what starts with bra snapping can move step by step to rape, with boys and young men believing they are entitled to sex from young women (because no one really told them it was wrong,) and young women confused by mixed messages and ill equipped to maintain their personal boundaries.

Porc, I do realise that young men more often successfully commit suicide. But, self-harming and suicide attempts are more common in young women. There could be a plethora of reasons for both, potentially connected to sexual identity and sexual harassment and abuse, but potentially not. It's probably for another thread if it's not.

arent all three years olds "very very beautiful"?

The same posters turn up on these threads all the time

agree - mainly to try to manipulate the OP into taking a particular stance - its really quite tedious and unbalanced. OP if I were you , I would post the same OP on a forum where male and female are equally balanced and you will get a wider, more balanced range of replies.