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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my sister should not have her dress unzipped by another man in the pub?

131 replies

KouklaWhooooo · 23/10/2011 19:28

My sis has just met a new man. He's lovely by all accounts. Yesterday, she went to her friends wedding, and afterwards went on to meet new man plus friends in a pub. She wasn't drunk (muslim wedding) but a couple of the friends were hammered apparently.

So she's having a drink with new man plus 3 of his friends in a pub, and they're (drunkenly) giving her quite a hard time - for being the the only girl there - lots of innuendo about her & new man (their friend). She laughed it all off - as banter.

But then new man went to the bar and one of the friends went to give my sis a 'hug' while chatting to her in a friendly way, but undid her dress - ie. unzipped a smart (suitable for wedding) strapless dress (she had worn a jacket over it for the wedding) - unzipped it from the top to her mid back, so the dress flopped forwards. He then immediately zipped it back up, but my sis took herself away to other side of the bar and cried her eyes out.

She composed herself, and went back and when new man asked her where the hell she had been, she explained, and promptly burst into tears again. She ids very upset - her new man was adorably apologetic.

She is still upset. Am I unreasonable to think this is totally our of order thing for a friend of a 'new man' to do to her in a London pub?

OP posts:
NormanTebbit · 23/10/2011 19:59

Trois - you are a fucking idiot.

Op - her new man's pals are twats and next time/ if she sees them they should apologise and she should accept with dignity but not fall into "don't worry it's I know it was a joke " sort of thing. Don't let them make her feels he is bro g uptight. She isn't. She would not have pulled his trousers down.

Some men can't handle their mates having a new relationship. I have been onthe receiving end of odd behaviour from partner's pals and if you are a shy person it's hardto know how to deal with it.

EricNorthmansMistress · 23/10/2011 19:59

Troisgarcons that is such a lot of bullshit. Firstly, the OP doesn't state anywhere that these men were muslim, so assuming that he assaulted her because she was dressed inappropriately is a) presumptuous and b) really fucking offensive to muslim men in general. Secondly, she was having a drink with her boyfriend and his friends. Do you really think so poorly of men that you expect every group of men to be potential sex pests? How sad. And thirdly - whatever she was wearing - he had no right to touch her and she was in no way responsible for it.

Original poster
KouklaWhooooo · 23/10/2011 20:00

Troisgarcons a few things that you clearly didn't bother to pay attention to from the op:

  1. They were not "all the blokes (or indeed or indeed any of the blokes!) at a muslim wedding. The unzipping happened at an unrelated pub afterwards. The friends at the pub were not muslims at the wedding, but new man's friends.
  1. She wore a strapless dress with a jacket to the wedding.
  1. Are muslims unable to control themselves in the face of a strapless dress? Other muslim women were wearing smart strapless dresses to the wedding.
  1. Is it ok to unzip a strapless dress in a London pub? Even if you're a muslim (which he isn't).
  1. What is wrong with you??
OP posts:
RitaMorgan · 23/10/2011 20:00

Ah, I see - was troisgarcons suggestion that this is typical behaviour of Muslim men so it isn't safe to be around them Confused A nice bit of racism AND misogyny there!

Esta3GG · 23/10/2011 20:00

Pissed bloke in pub makes a wanker of himself to mate's new girlfriend shocker!
Ok so it's not nice for you sister but I don't understand the crying thing. I would have twatted him, told the new bloke his friends were wankers and gone home. It's not the new bloke's fault that his mate was pissed and lary so all this nonsense about judging the man by the company he keeps is ridiculous.

@troisgarcons
You have got to be fucking kidding.

LydiaWickham · 23/10/2011 20:00

I'd like to think I'd get angry in a situation like that, but I can't rule out that I might just be so shocked i'd cry.

Agree with someone up thread - his only motivation could have been to humiliate her, why is he acting surprised she was upset with being humiliated in a public place by someone who she had every reason to expect would be nice?

runningwilde · 23/10/2011 20:04

It's not the boyfriend's fault his mate is a prick! Did he expose her chest op? Sounds like assault to me.

Whatmeworry · 23/10/2011 20:04

I always wonder if these sort of people only do this to women who would cry in a corner. ( if t'were me I'd have slapped him but I think these people can tell that)

It's absolutely not acceptable, I'd probably tell New Man that if that ever happens again it's the police and an assault charge there and then, and i'd make it clear Id never go to any event where that person is present again.

Dexifehatz · 23/10/2011 20:04

Dogs- you are probably the kind of person who would laugh your fucking tits off at this poor woman.What a cuntish thing to say.People cry out of humiliation,anger, sadness,you know different feelings sorry maybe you don't.

DogsBeastFiend · 23/10/2011 20:04

Esta3GG, brilliantly put.

EricNorthmansMistress · 23/10/2011 20:05

If a man grabbed my arse in a pub, or tried to kiss me, or something, I'd get angry and shout at him. If a man unzipped my dress so my breasts were exposed...I don't know what I'd do. I'd be pretty fucking humiliated and that would probably make me feel quite tearful. I think tears are a very natural reaction.

bottlebank · 23/10/2011 20:07

troisgarcons is just trying to get a rise out of you, I've seen her on enough threads to be pretty sure she's trolling for attention (or perhaps she really is as pig-ignorant and bigoted as she comes across).

DogsBeastFiend · 23/10/2011 20:08

Dexi, do you always make totally the wrong assumptions about people or is it just that you couldn't be bothered to read any other part of my post than the bit where I expressed surprise that a woman would cry over this incident?

Instead of making yourself look an arsehole why not actually READ what I said, eh?

I don't see any sign of me laughing at the poor woman... does anyone else here?

squeakyfreakytoy · 23/10/2011 20:09

Dogs- you are probably the kind of person who would laugh your fucking tits off at this poor woman

I am sure DBF will answer that herself, but as her reaction was the same of mine, I am fairly confident in thinking that she would have jumped in on behalf of the girl and told the man what a twat he was... I dont see how on earth you can suggest she would have laughed at this. Nothing in her post implies she thought it was funny.

MeMySonAndI · 23/10/2011 20:10

"they're (drunkenly) giving her quite a hard time - for being the the only girl there"

.... I have to say that I have been in many occasions, and what I have always notice is that they don't give you a bad time if you stop them straight away.

The men are terrible, but if she was having such a hard time why on Earth did she stayed with them if they were so drunk? How come she didn't realise someone was already having a go at her zipper?

It speaks to me about lack of respect, lack of self respect of your sister and lack of respect of her new man's friends.

Sorry, don't condone the friends behaviour, far from it but FGS, if she is old enough to be in a pub perhaps she should be old enough to know it is not ok to stay with a bunch of disrespectful drunks?

DogsBeastFiend · 23/10/2011 20:11

And yes, Squeaky, had I seen it as another patron I'd have given the man a mouthful!

HeresTheScaryThingBooyhoo · 23/10/2011 20:11

whatme, i agree, these kind of blokes probably know which type of women they can 'get away' with doing this on, i.e, the type who wont kick him in the nads but would cry secretly about it rather than confront him.

although tbf to OP's sister i did kick up a fuss once when i was groped in a bar twice by the same guy and had told him numerous time sto fuck off. he didn't and came back to try and grope me again and i screamed at him that he was a pervert and if he touched me again i was going to hit him. my friends all thought I was over reacting. so maybe i would have been better to go off an cry secretly about it.

(haven't seen said friends since and wont be doing so again)

NormanTebbit · 23/10/2011 20:13

It's amazing.

this man's behaviour is not her fault ok?

NormanTebbit · 23/10/2011 20:15

So Here's - did he see you as the kind of girl he could grope and get away with it?

See what I did ther - blamed the victim

TheBestWitch · 23/10/2011 20:20

Troisgarcons implying that Muslim men are likely to sexually assault women and that women who are skimpily dressed are somehow to blame if they are sexually assaulted is absolutely disgusting. Although as a pp has mentioned - looking at your posts on other threads your views on this aren't surprising.

MissPenteuth · 23/10/2011 20:20

Bloody hell, I think I would have cried too. I'd have been shocked, embarrassed and humiliated. Anger would have come later.

troisgarcons I hope you're being deliberately inflammatory. It's really quite frightening to think that a woman could actually believe the things you're saying.

FabbyChic · 23/10/2011 20:20

It was a joke, if someone done that to me, Id have undid his trousers and pulled them down.

Esta3GG · 23/10/2011 20:21

Like Dogs I would have intervened to help out a fellow lass in distress.
Why didn't the publican/bar staff do something?
If that happened in my local they'd be straight out on their arses and the regulars would be giving them a pasting.

HeresTheScaryThingBooyhoo · 23/10/2011 20:22

oh, i didn't mean at all to say that OP's sister was in anyway to blame just because she is the sort of person who would cry. please dont think that's what i mean. i was just saying that from the POV of the men that do this, they probably only try this on women the dont think will make a fuss. sorry, really didn't mean to imply OP's Dsis was in anyway to bleam for not being confrontational about it. her response was totally normal IMO as would kicking him in the nads be too.

HeresTheScaryThingBooyhoo · 23/10/2011 20:23

oh and here's the other 'i'm just here to be contrary' poster. i wondered how long that would take.

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