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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my sister should not have her dress unzipped by another man in the pub?

131 replies

KouklaWhooooo · 23/10/2011 19:28

My sis has just met a new man. He's lovely by all accounts. Yesterday, she went to her friends wedding, and afterwards went on to meet new man plus friends in a pub. She wasn't drunk (muslim wedding) but a couple of the friends were hammered apparently.

So she's having a drink with new man plus 3 of his friends in a pub, and they're (drunkenly) giving her quite a hard time - for being the the only girl there - lots of innuendo about her & new man (their friend). She laughed it all off - as banter.

But then new man went to the bar and one of the friends went to give my sis a 'hug' while chatting to her in a friendly way, but undid her dress - ie. unzipped a smart (suitable for wedding) strapless dress (she had worn a jacket over it for the wedding) - unzipped it from the top to her mid back, so the dress flopped forwards. He then immediately zipped it back up, but my sis took herself away to other side of the bar and cried her eyes out.

She composed herself, and went back and when new man asked her where the hell she had been, she explained, and promptly burst into tears again. She ids very upset - her new man was adorably apologetic.

She is still upset. Am I unreasonable to think this is totally our of order thing for a friend of a 'new man' to do to her in a London pub?

OP posts:

HeresTheScaryThingBooyhoo · 23/10/2011 19:48

" I think I may have upset last night and I'm really sorry"

he thinks?? what gave him that idea, the floods of tears she was in? what a twat. did h honestly think she would enjoy him doing that? no, of course he didn't he is one of those creeps taht gets off on embarrassing people for laughs, the same as the guy in that thread a while ago that flashed his dick to the restaurant full of people. bastard. how dare he get his kicks from her embarassment. embarassment was the reaction he was after, how dare he say he thinks he upset her. he knows he did, that was his intention.

troisgarcons · 23/10/2011 19:48

On the otherhand, I wouldnt go off with all the blokes @ a muslim wedding, dressed inappropriately (strapless) and not expect to be treated like a bit of meat.

It isn't excusable in any way - but some people just dont know when to remove themselves from situations that are possibly dangerous.

Muslim or not, standing with a bunch of pissed up blokes, alone, with a skimpy dress is asking for trouble. Yes we all know in a nice fluffy world we shoudl be able to walk down the high street naked and no one would bat a sexual eyelid

And you dont hug drunk blokes you dont know - lest of course you want to be treated like a bit of meat.

Cry? never. Get some dignity

LydiaWickham · 23/10/2011 19:49

oh, cross posted, so he reacted ok.

I'd still expect him to cut out fuckwit friend.

Not acceptable thing to do. Has massive lack of understanding where normal people's boundaries are, this isn't someone who can be trusted.

yellowraincoat · 23/10/2011 19:50

Just trying to imagine one of my partner's friends doing that. I just CAN'T. What a total wanker.

Stern words needed.

squeakyfreakytoy · 23/10/2011 19:50

I also wouldnt have gone away to cry.. after slapping him, I would have gone to find the "new bloke"... told him that his mates were a bunch of tossers, and then walked out.

NotJustClassic · 23/10/2011 19:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DogsBeastFiend · 23/10/2011 19:51

trois, WTF?

The damn woman can dress as she pleases, that is NEVER an excuse or a reason for ANY man to assault her!

I'm disgusted that a woman could think as you do, though I know that sadly far too many do.

HeresTheScaryThingBooyhoo · 23/10/2011 19:51

trois? so she was asking for it then? so how come all the rest of the men in the pub managed not to unzip her dress if that was what she was asking for?

spiderpig8 · 23/10/2011 19:51

YANBU.New man should have punched his lights out.

DogsBeastFiend · 23/10/2011 19:51

Squeaky, we ARE secret twins! :o

LydiaWickham · 23/10/2011 19:51

Troisgarcons, most normal people would assume they were safe to stand in a public place with their partner's friends without fear of being assalted.

I'd not call a friend of your partner who you've been with all evening a stranger.

troisgarcons · 23/10/2011 19:52

No one ever asks for it but responsible people dont put themselves in situations.

HeresTheScaryThingBooyhoo · 23/10/2011 19:53

"standing with a bunch of pissed up blokes, alone, with a skimpy dress is asking for trouble."

so what you're saying is all men are the same and cannot control an urge to humiliate women?

HeresTheScaryThingBooyhoo · 23/10/2011 19:54

responsible people are responsible for their own actions which means not using a skimpy dress as an excuse to humiliate another person.

iamabadger · 23/10/2011 19:54

If you're going to make comments like that trois at least read the bloody post-the men were not wedding guests. Extremely offensive to suggest that all muslim men are sort sort of animals who can't control themselves.

RitaMorgan · 23/10/2011 19:54

What the fuck troisgarcons? Women shouldn't stand near men in pubs unless they want to be sexually harassed?

Not fair to criticise the OP's sister for crying either - not everyone reacts violently in a situation like that.

QuintessentialShadyHallows · 23/10/2011 19:54

Clearly THESE men were like that, so it would have been wise to NOT stay with them..... Shits.

fivegomadindorset · 23/10/2011 19:54

The incident didn't happen at the wedding, the men didn't go there, she hadn't been drinking and she didn't hug th eman he went to hug her. So read the OP Troisgarcons and do fuck off.

DogsBeastFiend · 23/10/2011 19:55

WHAT fecking positions, Trois? The position of wearing a dress in a public bar whilst socialising with your boyfriend and his friends?

yellowraincoat · 23/10/2011 19:56

It's all very well and good for people to say they wouldn't cry, they'd batter him etc - they weren't the ones it happened to. Sometimes situations shock us, there's nothing weak about crying in that situation.

I honestly can't believe anyone thinks this is the sister's fault.

HeresTheScaryThingBooyhoo · 23/10/2011 19:56

trois i worry about the sort of men you are surrounding yourself with if you think this is normal behaviour of a man.

ThereGoesTheFear · 23/10/2011 19:57

WTAF, trois?

notlettingthefearshow · 23/10/2011 19:57

That's disgusting behaviour. I don't think her reaction makes any difference at all - the point is, all or most of us would feel mortified in that situation.

I hope her new man thinks twice about continuing his friendship.

Andrewofgg · 23/10/2011 19:57

If the bloke has no "previous" that New Man knows of; if New Man and he were not particularly close friends; and if as of now New Man tells this bloke not to be where he (New Man) is - then if OP's sister is otherwise happy with New Man good luck to them. None of us can always be sure how anybody is going to behave no matter how well we think we know them.

LydiaWickham · 23/10/2011 19:58

I'm going to add formal dress , and OP says not skimpy. Or are bare shoulders on par with flashing your fanjo these days?

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